My Kinky Advert

Hey! Look at this! I found this notice next to the lift at the void deck of my block.

OH EM GEE! Like, this Esther girl is so open. She give handphone number some more.


... It's just an advertising strategy. Well, it got all the Chee Ko Peks excited for a few seconds...

If you still don't get it, they just want to sell the property. OK?

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Yay! I feel so happy that I can type a smily face. :D

Got my Physics and Chemistry Common Test results!

Chemistry - 45/60 A1 (75%)
Physics - 45/50 A1 (90%)

But then today's E Maths test was difficult as hell! I missed out on two questions. And I was studying the wrong topic yesterday. How stupid can one be?

Anyway, today my life seems to be revolving around Marco! Yes! During Geography, he was kind of saying that Batam has many cheap stuff there, like keropok (and prostitutes) and Ms Neo told him to stop talking crap a couple of times. And Ms Neo said that Zi Hao is like those fun facts at the side of textbooks. Hehehe!

During English, he kept on interrupting what Mdm Audra said, which is very rude!

During Chem, he didn't really say anything. Maybe it's because he didn't do so well.

Maths was the funniest! Mr Yong was talking about matrices and he was giving examples and stuff and he explained that if we were to go to a BBQ and buy from two shops, which would be cheaper, blah blah blah. And he said that if Shop A sold fishballs at 35 cents a ball, blah blah blah. Then, I heard Marco tell Melvin with his ever-so-enthu voice: "Di Indo lebih murah!" meaning "It's much cheaper in Indonesia!". Like, I think he'll sacrifice his life to protect the life of the sultan of Indonesia, if there is one.

I think I have quite an odd laugh. When I laugh, I can't really talk because I'll laugh again. And that's what happened during Maths.

Well, at home I was kind of hungry and searched the whole fridge for food and I found ice-cream in the freezer and I decided to make it into a milkshake by squishing it with a spoon. Yay! Like, the flavour was Nepolitan, so it turned out to taste like strawberry milkshake and it's so much better than Mac's. Maybe I should start a business.

My Cokeful Day

Found this song's that really funny. It's called And I by Ciara. It was in my brother's music file and it reminded me of the fat hooker from American Idol who showed her privates to the whole world.

Anyways... I found a way to make your coin even more shiny! Wanna know how? Put it in Coke! Yes! Yesterday, after remedial, me, Adam and Nani ate at Burger King and Nani was telling me that she accidentally dropped a coin in Coke and when she took it out, it was shiny. So, I left a bit of Coke and put a coin inside. Then, when I reached home, I took it out and voala! It was shiny! I think the acid in the Coke reacted with the oxide.

The funny thing is that there was a Diet Coke giveaway in front of Tampines Mall.

Anyway, I went to Loyang Point early in the morning to buy Berita Minggu and when I wanted to go home, I stumbled upon this Malay family of about 8 about to ride bikes after shopping at Shing Song, and it was so funny because they were kind of obstructing the driveway with their bikes and all and people wanted to pass through. And the teenagers were cursing at the drivers and stuff. You see, the journey from Loyang Point to my house is very steep and if you ride a bike, you don't need to pedal. So I saw all of them like, riding together down the hill, like some biker gang or something. Hahaha!

Oh shit! I forgot that my new monicker is Hakimbo!

Ok, I need to go now because I haven't done my Newspaper Cutting and I need to revise for my Maths test tomorrow.

My Froggy Incident

This morning, call me crazy, but I saw two cats talking to each other in cat language. Seriously.

Ms Neo had a sore throat this morning and Zi Hao was telling Ms Neo on the different types of tea and how it can cure sore throats. I don't really know if she was sarcastic or not, but she was amazed by the speech.

Malay was horrible. Like, REALLY HORRIBLE! We were grouped into groups (duh!) to brainstorm on the content of this exposition. And who was I grouped with? Amir! It was so scary, I was ready to run away if he would pounce on me and bite my eyes of. I was appointed the secretary and I couldn't speak but write. Next time, send somebody else there, please!

Marco is like, getting really irritating. I mean, he would always say 'TIIMMOOOO-THEEEOOOOSSSSS'. Shut up! Everytime I look at him, I laugh my head off because it's so funny!

During recess, Charnavil (very lazy to write the names individually) caught a frog and put it in a water bottle. I suggested we call the frog 'Freddo' but then Charlene wanted to call it 'Freddy' because of a particular reason.

Today in the bus on my way home, I lost my mind. I was thinking about what happened today when suddenly, I imagined Marco shouting 'TIIIMOOOOO-THEEEEOOOOSSSSSSS'. So I giggled to myself and everyone turned their heads to look at me. So I tried to cover my mouth. Thank goodness the bus wasn't packed.

The Girl Who Talks Behind Everyone's Backs

And when you thought that the girl was Jayla aka Stupid Stupid Bitch, it wasn't! Instead it's the lesbian Kim. Not much happened.

Lisa got eliminated! Ahhh!!! Oh my God!!! Like, what the hell? I think Tyra was told of the diaper incident and thought that she needed some mental treatment.

OBITUARIES

Lisa D'Amato

Sorry hun' for neglecting you and eloping with my boyfriend. I should have paid attention to you than to your half-siblings. Are you okay? Call me, k?

Mummy

Will be sadly missed.

Twiggy

Girl, you need some plastic surgery! I know ya tell yourself ya beautiful, every single day, but ya need to control that face!

Ms J.

Don't give up, girl! Just look at Naima! She has the most weirdest look but she made it to the top, I think. Well, good luck in the fashion world!

Tyra

You're a stupid, stupid bitch! I really hope you read this.

Jayla

Sigh. I remember the first time we kissed. Of course, the editors cut that part out.

Kim, with love

You were a great friend

Cousin It

My New Monicker

I've decided to make my new monicker as 'Hakimbo'. Right, you might say.

Today, something exciting happened today. Bus 3 broke down when I wanted to go home. Then, we all had to alight the bus and board another bus. Then these Siglap Secondary girls shouted that it was a terrorist attack. Hahaha! I saw the bus in smokes, literally. And the bus driver was like, putting what looked like Dynamo inside the engine.

I didn't blog yesterday because I was studying like mad. Seriously and during Malay, Cikgu Nora didn't come so I took the opportunity to study. But I was stupid enough to sit next to Amir. He's like, Cassandra! Seriously. When the period ended, people asked me to put back the dictionaries because I was sitting at the back, then Amir was like, "Can you carry 2 dictionaries?" Shut up! I just wanted to step on him.

My Double Choke

I nearly died today. Not once, but twice! Two times! TWO TIMES! Can you believe my luck.

NEAR DEATH #1:
Was eating lunch after assembly. You know, it's really weird that the school is now putting Assembly on Tuesday because I have this feeling that I'm supposed to go to mosque after Assembly. So, all the boys were dismissed because the girls were having checks on their bras. No coloured bras from now on. And that includes lingere. So, what that means is that bras are banned from school, because you see, white is a mixture of all the seven colours of the rainbow. So, if you wear a coloured bra, you're supposed to buy a transparent bra from Saravanan. Don't call me dirty. I'm just scientific.

Anyway, the whole canteen was filled with boys and I was eating nasi lemak with Adam, Andy and Nuriman. Kwok Foong was sitting near us and we tried to strike a conversation with him but he just kept quiet. Bear in mind that I was eating nasi lemak during that time. And guess what? Adam just had to make a stupid remark which nearly costed my life and said that Kwok Foong's mother will slap him if he talks to people. And when I swallowed, I laughed and the food got stuck in my windpipe and I choked and tried to cough it out, but then the rice was still in there and I tried to run to the toilet, but then I realised that it was the girls' toilet. It was so hard to breathe. Thank goodness I didn't vomit, because that would be embarrassing. Anyway, after many coughs, I was feeling better. So never laugh when you eat.


NEAR DEATH #2:
So, I was in the bus going home and Andy just had to make a joke (I forgot what it was) while I was drinking Lemon Tea and yes, you guessed it. I laughed while drinking it and I choked. It wasn't any ordinary choke, because I still had Lemon Tea in my mouth while I turned blue. A few seconds later, I was alright. If not, I would have had to let out everything. I would pity the person sitting in front of me.


Oh, and there was an EAGLES and GPA awards given out during Assembly. Nobody clapped for Nuriman. One word: Wow.

And I would like to tell Amir to please keep quiet and keep your comments to yourself. I mean, I had to sit between Amir and his friend from 4E and from next fortnight onwards, I'm going to sit someplace where there isn't anybody who keeps on scolding people 'cibai'. I mean, he's always on silent mode during Malay but wow! He wanted to say "You suck!" to Kwok Foong (which I thought was rude) but then everyone cheered for him, and he didn't. And when Sara said that he wanted to dismiss the students by sex, he was like, giggling like a 9-year-old. What the hell is wrong with the word 'sex'? Then, his friend was like, "So many different ways of having sex." And he elaborated on it. Sickos.

Wow! I looked at my pictures at !Smash'd and I so didn't realise that I have lazy eyes. You know when people have cross-eyes. It's the opposite. It's so freaky. But that's OK.

Hope I don't choke during dinner.

My Shopping Spree

Oh I forgot to blog that I had a shop-till-you-drop shopping spree today at Popular and bought guide books for Chemistry, Physics and Combined Humanities. Yes. The Combined Humanities book consists of notes on SS and Elective Geog. I'm suddenly motivated to study.

Hatsumomo is such a liar. She claims on a website that she's 185 cm tall. 185? I'm 172 and I'm taller than her. Seriously, I think it's because she smokes and that smoking affects your growth. 185? If she's 185? What am I? 190? See what happens when you smoke?

Don't ever go to Shamsydar's tagboard unless you want to see bitching going on in there. I'm on nobody's side. Sigh. I'm kind of jealous of Shamsydar because...

PEOPLE COMMENT ON HER BLOG! WHETHER THEY'RE NICE OR MEAN, THEY STILL HAVE THE COURTESY TO COMMENT AND TAG!!!! ALL YOU BITCHES WHO DON'T TAG ARE EVIL!

Wow! That got a load of my chest. Well, back to studies.

My Flirtatious Teacher

Today for the first time, Physics was really fun. Not the lesson, I mean.

First, Mr Eng was like, explaining to the whole class about waves and blah blah blah while sittong on Izzati's table! Hehehe! So funny! Izzati said that it was the most 'turn-offing' thing she ever saw.

OH MY GOD Apprentice totally rocks like hell! If you missed last night's episode, call yourself a stupid, stupid bitch. First, the princess Diana woman took over Mr Trump for a while while trying to sound like Mr Trump, but then didn't happen. Then, Donald Trump fired four people. FOUR! FOUR!! Because the team lost by 111%. Then, he told four of them to stay while the rest of the group went back to the suite. So, Donald Trump was like, "You know what? You're all fired! Go home!" It was like, so shocking. Seriously, Tyra should learn something from The Apprentice. It's not like as if Donald Trump is going to say:

"We have been so disappointed in four of you that we have decided that you are fired.... [shock!] ....because we're all going to a barbecue! And you and you and you!"

Hehe. If you had watched the Apprentice, the fired person has to go down and climb into a taxi. Last night, four people had to cramp in the backseat. The taxi apek didn't shoo them for having four people at the back seat. Haha! And in the confessionals, they were like, silent. Hehe! Woo!! Shit I didn't tape it. It was so amazing!

My Shashful Day

Yesterday was crazy. Literally, it was nuts!

I thought Ronin sang songs like The Backstreet Boys or something but I got a huge surprise when the albino was like, screaming at us and told us to get our asses off our seats and spitted at his band members. Poor Erni had to shake hands with the albino. I was so scared for her because they might show her the finger! Like, scary!

Other than that, it was all screams and noise. I couldn't hear anything!

Back to studies...

My rash is now getting itchier. It's really really uncomfortable when I walk.

Isn't anybody coming to my blog? Please tag?

My Rash

It's like, 5:14 and I haven't even gotten ready for !Smash'd. Hehe! I could just run there before the doors close.

Anyway, I've gotten like this, mild rash on my thighs. It's not so serious, it's like as if it's sunburnt or something, and it hurts when water touches it. Are rashes contagious? I think I might have gotten it from Anavil or something. I think I might need to be quarantined, or else everybody at !Smash'd will get rashes.

Ok, gotta get ready. Bye!

My Sixth Season

Hey everybody! Guess what? The ANTM 6 website is now on and we get to see the pictures. Yay!

BROOKE

She looks really aggressive, like as if she's about to beat you up.


She looks so much better as a brunette. And she kinda looks like Brittany (S4). Yay! More drunk behaviour!

DANIELLE

She looks a bit fat. I think she'll be the black bitch of the season. Like, every season has one. First, it was Robyn, then, it was Camille. Third was Yaya. Fourth was Keenyah and Fifth is Bre.


Diva! I don't think she will win.

FURONDA

I kind of like her. But her eyes look a bit alienesque.


She looks like a negro version of Zhang Ziyi. What's with the twitch?

GINA

See? This is the Vietnamese girl I was talking about. Well, she looks Vietnamesey-Thai. She looks like a blur queen.


Hope she gets far. Go Asians!

JADE

Tyra must really love Naima to put her again on the show. Seriously.


She looks like a Chinese wearing an afro. Seriously, I hope she leaves, ASAP!

JOANIE

Joanie! What a name! First of the three blondes I couldn't diffrentiate.


How old is this woman? 55?

KARI

Second of the three blondes. She looks a bit chubby.


I think she will be the one complaining about ramen noodles.

KATHY

Third of the three blondes. And I would like to ask again how old these model-wannabes are.


Worse than Christina's stare.

LESLIE

Ooohh!!! My favourite! My favourite! She looks like the lead singer of Pussycat Dolls. I've fallen in love with her!


She looks like a much much prettier Naima! Hope she wins!

MOLLIE SUE

Yep! That's her name. Mollie Sue. Did she just give birth or something?


I'd bet she'll be the one confessing that she either is going to die in 6 months, has retinitis pigmentosa, is anorexic, is bulimic, or something.

NNENNA

Hee! What a name! How do you pronounce it? Nina? Neena? Nenna?


Nnenna looks like Keenyah.

SARA

Can you believe that she's 6"1'? Which, according to my conversion, is 1.85 cm tall. Wow! I wish I was tall as her.


In your tall bitches' face! In your tall bitches' face!

WENDY

Wendy? As in Wendy Pepper? No! This is Wendy Crazy-Stare Girl.


She's like, the female version of me! Ahhhh!!!

The Girl Whose Boyfriend Is Cheating On Her

It was bogus elimination and Tyra tried to make everyone like her by not eliminating anybody. Yay! That means more episodes!

Anyway, Kim's all sad that Kyle had to leave. I'm sad too.

And Nik was such a bitch at the place where they met Eva! Seriously! Lisa was like "I like our group" and Nik said "We don't like you, Lisa". Then Lisa interviews that she's going to be friendless. Poor her. No wonder her best friends are Cousin Itt and Mr Bojangles. Sigh.

Oh, and Lisa peed in a diaper! Which was totally disgusting, I must say. Bre was right. If Lisa wins, she should use the $100,000 to go for therapy ASAP!

Stupid, stupid Jayla! Her photoshoot sucked like hell! I'm so happy Tyra made her do the dog photoshoot where she couldn't scream. Hahaha!

And what utter coincidence! First, they were talking about chocolates and I wished they aired the episode before my Morning Digest so that I could copy what Bre said.

The ending...
Tyra: Both girls stand before me (Jayla and Nicole), and the judges have made a tough decision. And we have decided that both of you will pack your bags...
Everybody's shocked!
Tyra:...'cos you're all going to London! [takes out a photo of the British flag, which I am immediately reminded of Belveridge]... AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU! [points at the other girls. Those London musketeers come out of nowhere. Nicole cries like a baby. Jayla praises Jehovah.]

Wow! Tyra copied my lines! Hehehe!

My Frequently-Asked Questions

Decided to do a FAQ page for me, myself and I.

Who is this Hakim guy?
Well, his name is Hakim and he's a boy who lives in Pasir Ris. He wakes up at 5.30 am every single day so that he can reach Temasek Secondary School in time and won't get scolded by Mr Cuthbert. And he reminds you of a sociopath.

Why are you so weird?
Why aren't I so weird?

Don't you have other things to do except for blogging?
Umm... No!

Who's Hatsumomo?
She's my arch enemy who wants to destroy me. My elder sister also hates her too.

You have an elder sister?
Yes, Mameha. We love going to parties in Gion wearing one-inch thick makeup. I don't know why men are attracted to us. Our hair looks like an onion, but they seem to love it. I guess they have a fetish for onions.

Why are you so lame?
Why aren't I so lame?

You're a bitch! Your blog is such a waste of space! You suck!
I feel hurt. Wait... that is not a question!

Who's Ms Neo? Who's Mdm Audra?
Ms Neo is my Humanities teacher and Mdm Audra is my English teacher. They make me laugh my ass off.

Why are you so desperate for taggers?
Because I know that many people come to my blog. But they don't seem to tag.

What does "You're a stupid stupid bitch!" mean?
It's from ANTM and it's a phrase made famous by Jayla. She's the girl you just love to hate!

Why are you so obsessed with ANTM? Don't you watch other shows?
Yes. I do watch other shows, but would you want me to talk about what happened on The Apprentice? Or Survivor?

Do you blog everyday?
No. I blog every year.

Are you that boy who talked about chocolates for his Morning Digest and humiliated himself by saying 'Did you know that chocolates will make you in the mood for love?' and '...to cater to the needs of every individual like you AND you AND you AND you!!!' while pointing at us?
Yes. Did you like it?

Don't you have any dignity? Everybody's laughing at you behind your back!
Well, at least I didn't beat you up in front of the whole school, you shit slice!

You're such a great writer! I love your blog! What's your recipe to success?
Umm.. Wow! Wait, why aren't you tagging? I'm just being myself.

My Duo-Tests

Today was death day for everybody because we had back-to-back tests for Humanities - SS and Elec Geog. Then, somebody tagged at Ms Neo's website and said that it was stupid blah blah blah. I dunno why, but it seems that everybody is like, so panicky. It's only a test. It won't affect your O Level results. Seriously.

And I would have to say that during my test, my handwriting is the most atrociousest ever because we had to scribble everything down! Ha! Made me realise what Mdm Audra said to Marco. Mdm Audra is like, Jayla, you know, she tells you everything to your face. But in a funny way! I love Mdm Audra. We all hate Jayla. Anyway, Mdm Audra asked Marco to show his homework to the class via the visualiser and she was like, "Marco, why don't you show your work, even though your handwriting is disgusting." Hahahaha!

Hatsumomo was being a meanie today. It was 6:30 and I wanted to shower, but then he said that he wanted to take a shower because he had 'work'. Yeah right. Then, he gave me this I'm-better-than-you look. Shut up, Hatsumomo!

My Chocolate-Coated Phone

I had a huge headache yesterday. Now it's completely cured, all thanks to SLEEP!!! Yes! Singaporeans seriously need to get more sleep. In Australia, people normally sleep at 9 and wake up at 7. I have to wake up before sunrise everyday so that I won't be late for school. Next time you have eyebags, you can blame it on the MOE, indirectly.

Today is Valentine's Day. I received chocolates. Mmmm.... Chocolates. Take a hint when somebody gives you a box of chocolates! Hehe! I miss Morning Digest. Anyway, I put the chocolates in my right pocket where I put my handphone and after Chem practical, I took out my handphone and to my horror (!!!), my phone screen was coated with a layer of chocolate! I was like, AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Everybody was laughing at my phone. I hope they weren't laughing at me. It was like deja vu with Nuriman and his bag covered in chocolate. Thanks to the wonders of tissue, it only smelled like chocolate. You just wanna lick it.

There wasn't much to eat for recess and lunch because it was Total Defence Day, and the canteen vendors had to sell food that was eaten by oldies, like Fish and Chips! Haha!

I shall call this certain somebody in my life Hatsumomo. Everytime I read about her in Memoirs, I am reminded of her. They have so much in common. I'm like Sayuri, the blue-eyed geisha and Hatsumomo wants to destroy me. And I have to defend her insults with my folding fan and I'll pour sake down her weave. Then, I'll have to stab her with a bayonet while wearing those corny hats Japanese soldiers wear during the Japanese Occupation, you know with the flap at the back, like what archaeologists wear. Hooray for Japan!

Just realised that I have this certain look that is very 'intriguing'. I dunno how to describe it, but I'll just stare at you with a... ummm.... stare. It's just a stare. Like, a stare like as if every single lifeform has been drained out of me. I shall call it the Hakim stare. These are the times when I will stare at you with the Hakim stare (C):

- When I'm in an emotionless mood
- When you talk nonsence
- When I have PMS
- When I have no mood to talk
- When I feel like it

So beware, people! Cause the Hakim stare is about to getcha!

It seems that only a handful of you people ARE NOT tagging at my blog. I know you very shy to tag lah, but you need to build up courage to tag. Haha, I sound like some step-popular guy. I shall tag at your blog, OK?

My Health Check-Up

Had a health check-today! We missed English. It's really weird that they asked us to wear PE attire but in the end nothing happened. We just had our eyes tested on.

I think there might be some toyol stealing stuff from me. My mother gave me $10 today and now I'm left with $3. Like, huh? I only ate recess and lunch on noodles and drinks. Life is getting more expensive.

Memoirs of a Geisha is such a disgusting novel. They had one chapter dedicated to mizuage, which is like, a fancy name of losing one's virginity. But I read somewhere that there is no such thing in the real world of geisha. I think the author just wants us to be excited.

I think I'm beginning to fall in love with The Apprentice. It's so funny lah! Like, they were supposed to design a float for the movie 'Zathura' and then this bimbo did the presentation and pronounced it as 'Zenthura'. Hehehe! But she didn't get fired, because she was too pretty for Donald Trump. Instead, this woman who looks and sounds like Reese Witherspoon got fired. Hahaha! And then next week Carolyn, the woman who looks like Princess Diana, is going to take over Donald Trump! Yay! The bitchiness is just beginning.

These are the shows that I want to watch once my Os are over:
- 24
- Alias
- CSI

And many more movies! I'm going to be Video Ezy's number one customer.

My Bigger Memory

Hooray! Yesterday my brother bought a 512MB memory card for his handphone. So, he gave me his 128MB memory card. So I can store like, 90 songs. Then, I told him that he could store about 400 songs. Then he was telling me that he didn't want to compress the songs because it affects the quality of the songs. Like, I don't see any difference. So, he bought a 512MB memory card so that he can store 90 songs, the same as mine. So stupid.

Yesterday I had remedial and it I tried playing with my calculator and guess what?

Haha. Then, everybody started taking pictures of it. Everybody was Nani and I. But still, the rest of the class was wowing away! BTW new song of the week! 1 Thing by Amerie. Yay!

My Anatomy

I didn't go to Cross Country today. Shit. My flu's the same as the day before. I keep on sneezing and snot just oozes out of my nostrils like a tap on full blast.

So, what did I do? I went to the polyclinic! Alone. My mother reminded me to bring my appointment card. Phew! Lucky I never forget. Anyway, went there. Took a queue number. Went to the registration counter. And this is what the registration lady (Bitch Registration Lady) said:

BRL: Where's your IC?
Me: Ugghh... I never bring. Can I just show you my EZ Link?
BRL: Next time bring IC to poly. What your address?
Me: Block 248, Pasir Ris...
BRL: Ok.

And then the lady had the audacity to glare at me like as if I played truant, like a juvenile delinquent. Firstly, do I look like one?!

Anyway, went up and the whole clinic was full, as usual. The stupid queue number shower had those marquee messages at the bottom which said "Our clinic is crowded today. Sorry for making you wait." Or something like that. Sick people tend to forget what had happened. Wait? Hasn't it been crowded since the clinic officially opened? Anyway, waited for like, 90 minutes and there was like, this couple who seems like as if they were rehearsing Romeo and Juliet. Can they like, make out somewhere other than the polyclinic? Where there's so much germs! And why do I keep seeing people making out? The clinic isn't a place where you have sex!

Then, there were people who cut queue! Yes! Just like the British Welfare State! I overheard them claim that their case was urgent and blah blah blah. I hope all of them get cancer. Prostate hopefully. So that they won't be able to produce any more jerks that will cut queues when they become adults.

Anyway, after near death, my number flashed on the screen! Wah, so essay-y. Went inside and saw this malay woman in a tudung sitting on the doctor's chair. Anyway, I wanted to ask her to knock on my knee to see if my nervous system was working, but then I was scared she might be an imposter like the Catch Me If You Can guy. Then, she might knock on my kneecap and dislocate it.

Can't believe that I wrote crap for my English descriptive essay. This is a short paragraph which I wrote:

My brother tucked his calves under his thighs, like what Japanese women do during their tea ceremonies, while he nibbled on dolphin-safe tuna sandwich. He sat on the checkered auburn picnic mat as he gaped at the sea wondering what might pop out of the aquamarine ocean - a fish, a dolphin, or pherhaps a mermaid!

See? This is what I call bullshit!

The Girl Who Wants To Step On The Pretty Flower

Interesting title. And did you know that sociopaths can be retarded? One such example is Cassandra Whitehead! Yes, that's her surname. Anyway, she was flicking Kyle her toothbrush and all the like, water and toothpaste and uggh went onto Kyle and Cassandra was like, "You know, you're pretty! I'm ugly! I really feel like killing you!" in a retarded tone. But I forgot what she actually said.

Mr Bojangles! Hehe! The 'blind' bird. And Nicole! Yes! The stupid bimbo who told Kyle that all birds are blind and that they know where they are by echoes and stuff. That's called a bat, Nicole. Then, Kyle told Nicole that she was sure that her bird wasn't blind. Then, Nicole made a scientific discovery! All outdoor birds are blind! What an Einstein.

Jayla shone with her bitchiness last night. Wow! When you thought that Cassandra sucked, there's a person who sucks even more! Waaaoooowwww!!!! I didn't know that!!!!!
You're a stupid stupid bitch. Oh Jayla!

Just realised that I could like, join Singapore Idol! Oh my God!

Yay! Morning Digest for 4R finished today and Ms Woon congratulated all of us because she was entertained. Sigh. Charlene's giggling. Timotheos' news report. Deja vu. Me and my scandalous remarks. Beatboxing. Hey! I wanna do it again, but another topic. I just can't do chocolate! It's too risque. But Ms Woon was like, "But some people were not that good" or something like that. I hope she's not referring to me. I was good, right? People laughed, but with a price - my dignity.

Why isn't anybody tagging? Ok, I sound desperate.

My Tonsilitis

I think I might be suffering from either tonsilitis, throat inflammation or bird flu. I sneezed like hell during the whole day and I thought I would sneeze my brains out. I think I sneezed like, what? 100 times. Too many to count.

I've got Nokia earphones! Yay! I hope people don't stare at me when I wear them on bus 10. The bus rides are like, super boring.

I don't really know what to do for !Smash'd. I'm broke after buying earphones, which costs $30. I think I might just wear pajamas to D'Marquee. I can just ride my bike there or something. Then, I'll put tons of talcum powder on my face because some kids wear talcum powder before they go to bed. Then I'll look like some geisha lost in Singapore. Then I'll just leave my hair in a mess and not care about it. And I'll wear slippers! What do you guys think? Tag and comment if you like it or not, because I don't want to be a fashion victim. Isn't that original?

I'm now taking down the poll. Nobody cares about it. Now I'm putting up a 'Song of the Week'. Hehe! It's going to link to a music video! Hooray!

My Sniffles

I've caught the flu bug. Actually it caught me.

Thank God my morning digest is today. If not I would have to clear my nose passages in front of the whole school. Is my tagboard working?

I'm just gonna have to drag myself to school because I just can't miss school now. It's just not worth it! Anyway, I'm the kind that's like, really sick the night before and in the morning, and during the afternoon I'm so well.

Went to Loyang Point at 6 to buy foolscap and it was like, WINDY! OMG I nearly got blown away! Actually it wasn't really a hurricane. It was just like an East Coast wind, except it was breezier and cool and refreshing.

Transferred the songs that I like to my phone and just realised that most of them are sung by women! I dunno, I just hate loud music. And I cannot believe I used to like weird songs when I was like, in Primary 1, like:

- Jennifer Paige, Crush
- Madison Avenue, Don't Call Me Baby
- Spiller, Groovejet
- All Saints, Never Ever
- Shania Twain, That Don't Impress Me Much

See? These are the songs that I like! OMG! And Shania Twain?! Why did I even like her?! She sings country songs with her like, typical country voice. Ahhh!!! I'm a weirdo!!!

My Morning Digest

I totally find new ways in embarrassing myself in public nowadays. This morning, I took double deck 81 to interchange and when I wanted to go walk to the stairs on the top deck, I knocked my head on the ceiling. Wow, I'm getting tall! This afternoon, I was about to offer my seat to this old woman and I was kind of like, "Auntie? You want to sit?" But she totally ignored me and sat behind! I mean like, Ahhh!!!

Well, other than these insignificant moments which I share with thou, I also had a moment that you will never forget - MORNING DIGEST!!!

Oh my God! Met Izzati at the interchange so we could rehearse before the stupid single-deck 10 came, and had impromptu changes. I had to humiliate myself in front of Mrs Ong, Mrs Tan, teachers and ladies and gentlemen of Temasek! Seriously! So rehearse a bit. Study Maths in the bus and I had to hold on to my Math file while I held on to the pole which was difficult and the bus kept on stopping impromptuly. So, I humiliated myself once again.

Reached there at 7.15 and rehearsed in front of the band noticeboard so that we could see ourselves. Oh and our topic was on chocolates. I recorded myself and I sound so weird. Like as if I was some Caucasian wannabe! Aahhh!!! Anyway, the time passed like light. Flag-raising. Mdm Audra. Morning Digest! It was like so freaky because you are so nervous at first but when you get up on stage, it's not so bad, because all the faces seem to be happy faces and not angry faces. I heard 4R screaming mine and Izzati's names. Oh we feel so flattered! Anyway, I think I talked a little too fast and these are the special moments in Morning Digest history.

Hakim: Today, chocolate comes in many different forms, such as milk chocolate, dark chocolate, bittersweet chocolate and even unsweetened chocolate. Why is this so? Simple. To cater to the needs of every single individual... Like you [points to someone] and you [points to another person] and you [points to another person]...
Izzati: ...Ok, we get it, Hakim!

and

Hakim: [in a seductive tone] Did you know that chocolates will make you in the mood for love?... ...so do try to take a hint when someone gives you a box of chocolates.

Sigh. I didn't really hear anyone laughing but then, people said that it was funny. Hee! Thanks for laughing at my jokes! But seriously, it's weird that everyone's looking at you! Teachers, Sec 1s! Everyone! Luckily I didn't trip over the counsellors. But then, I was shaking like mad seh! Izzati also. She said that her mic was shaking. But then I didn't really feel nervous. I was looking at the school field. And the counsellors sitting in front of you were looking up at us like so, pervetic. But Morning Digest is so fun! I wanna do it again!

Morning Digest is like a rollercoaster. You're scared of doing it in the beginning because you fear for the impossible. In the end, you are satisfied as you have done something fun! For those of you who are about to do it, have fun! I envy all of you!

My Secondhandphone

Ahhhh!!! I've got a new handphone!

Actually it's just that my brother gave me his handphone and he traded in my handphone to get a new one. I don't really know what my model is, but it's Nokia.

My previous post suddenly disappeared. Like, without a trace!

Morning digest tomorrow! I'm so scared because I'm going to have to embarrass myself in front of the whole school. Please laugh with me, not at me.

My Hornet Incident

Haha! SS was really entertaining. You get to see Ms Neo run for her dear life because there's like, this mini-hornet that flew all over the classroom. The fun ended when Ryan whacked it with his file, which made blood spatter everywhere.

Yay! I made the whole class laugh, even though I didn't really mean it. We were talking about the brain during Bio and Ms Woon was asking us what colour the brain is. She said, "What? Is it pink? White?" And I was like "Pinkish-white" which I believe is a colour and really meant it, but the class laughed, which was totally weird. Sigh.

My contract is expiring in like, May. So I'm expecting a 'Renew a contract' letter by March! Which means I'm getting a new handphone on March. Then, I'll be having a mini-bonfire and burn all items with the Motorola logo on it, excluding my phone, which will be sold to some poor fellow. I'm sick and tired of stupid Motorola. It totally wiped out everything! EVERYTHING! Like, music, pictures, videos, Stingray curses, EVERYTHING! Well, it's been fun. Well, actually no. Motorola SUCKS!

The Girls Are 1940s Pin-Ups

And when you thought that Tyra was crazy already, she comes up with a photoshoot where they put Vaseline on their hair! Hooray for Vaseline!

Kyle! Gone! I'm so sad! And it's all stupid Bre's fault. I'm sorry but in the club she was like, hugging Jayla. Go home, stupid, stupid bitch! Lisa looks like as if she's 30, which isn't surprising. It's like as if she ages a year everyday. But! She tells herself she's beautiful, every single day!

Looks like Channel 5 was lazy to cut the bits where Kim announced that she was a lesbian. She said to the go-see people that her sexuality is unique. And when Ms Jay asked her what she was doing in her 'sissification classes', she said that she tries to date boys. Hehehe! I bet Sarah's all jealous.

And after like, many months, I have just realised that Nicole looks like my auntie!!! And they both complain about everything!

Not much happened yesterday.

My Torn Pants

After a day at school and shopping at White Sands, I came home to find that my stupid, stupid pants are torn! Like, it's not like the tear was at the butt crack, but it was near my left pocket, so you could see my thighs if I open it up for you, which I will never do! Chee Ko Pek! I think people noticed it, because they were kind of looking at the plastic bag that I was carrying. Hmmm...

Had the most insane bus ride ever! Seriously, I took 3 to my house and those 10 minutes in the bus was like, totally violent. It was jam-packed with people and I had to stand up and hold those rings that hang from the ceiling. The bus always stopped so suddenly and all of its passangers flew forward. Seriously, it was violent.

Sigh. What should I do with my pants? Where's a mother when you need one? I can't seem to find my mother's sewing kit.

Wondering if I am happy. I seem to rarely smile. Maybe that's why I'm not happy. I'm like a sociopath in the making. I have decided to be fun tomorrow.

ANTM 6 website has already been up. And guess what?! Tyra casted an Asian! Haha! I won the bet! And she kind of looks a bit Vietnamese-Thai. It's so predictable.

ANTM 6