I went beserk in my room yesterday and screamed and shouted and cried. Ok, it all happened when I was reading my textbooks trying to remember what I had learnt this year. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, this thing flew on my hair. So I shook my head and went hysterical. Thank God nobody was there. Then, the earwig landed on my bed. Then, it flew all over the place. People say that earwigs go into your ear and lay eggs in your brain. Stop laughing, because this is no laughing matter. I didn't know earwigs live in Singapore. Shit! I slept with my eyes opened and my ears closed during the whole night because I couldn't find the earwig. Who knows? What if I wake up to find out that my brain is a birthplace for a couple of insects?
Well, people are going on holiday during the holidays. Some may be going to America to see Tyra Banks. Some may be going to Britain to see Naomi Campbell. Some might go to Brazil to see Gisele Bundchen. Some might go to Germany to see Heidi Klum. Well, I'm going to Johor on Saturday and Sunday to buy some DVDs. Great. I get to celebrate New Years Day with a bunch of pickpocketers.
Oh BTW poll on who you think will become America's Next Top Model. No more pretty-gene girl along with her trusty sidekick, I-Bags.
And friggin tag. I know you come to my blog to laugh at my misery, but at least leave a comment or something.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
The Girls Become Superheroes
What's so similar about hairdressers and Channel 5? They cut, a lot!
I was kind of irritated by my long hair and it touches my eyes and sooner or later, I'll get retinitis pigmentosa before you know it. So, I decided to cut my hair. I now regret it. I have this stupid weird hairstyle. There's lots of hair in my fringe and they totally shaved my sides. It's like as if I wore a beret when I cut my hair.
These are the parts where Channel 5 cut:
1. The part where Kim and Sarah make out in the limo. And it was so obvious that Channel 5 cut the scene.
2. The part where they showed a framed photo of Yoanna in her first ever photoshoot (Garden of Eden). Then, Ebony was saying that it was her very first photoshoot.
3. The part where Kim announced that she was a lesbian who was in an open relationship. Then, Sarah said that she would make out with Kim. This was before the make-out session in the limo FYI.
4. The part where Nicole shouted "This is models gone wild!"
Sheesh. And to think that they have Tab TV right before the show.
My mother asked me who the winner is. I didn't say anything.
Oh, and did you know that Kim is a lesbian?
Hated Ashley and her eyebags. Glad to see her go. Everyone was expecting Sarah to go, but Angelina managed to stay. Yay! More making out scenes.
I was kind of irritated by my long hair and it touches my eyes and sooner or later, I'll get retinitis pigmentosa before you know it. So, I decided to cut my hair. I now regret it. I have this stupid weird hairstyle. There's lots of hair in my fringe and they totally shaved my sides. It's like as if I wore a beret when I cut my hair.
These are the parts where Channel 5 cut:
1. The part where Kim and Sarah make out in the limo. And it was so obvious that Channel 5 cut the scene.
2. The part where they showed a framed photo of Yoanna in her first ever photoshoot (Garden of Eden). Then, Ebony was saying that it was her very first photoshoot.
3. The part where Kim announced that she was a lesbian who was in an open relationship. Then, Sarah said that she would make out with Kim. This was before the make-out session in the limo FYI.
4. The part where Nicole shouted "This is models gone wild!"
Sheesh. And to think that they have Tab TV right before the show.
My mother asked me who the winner is. I didn't say anything.
Oh, and did you know that Kim is a lesbian?
Hated Ashley and her eyebags. Glad to see her go. Everyone was expecting Sarah to go, but Angelina managed to stay. Yay! More making out scenes.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
My Cheesy Creation
Great. School starts in one week. I'm half excited, half groaning. My hair is like, really long and my mother told me to cut it before the school re-opens. But I feel like a rebel, so I'll cut on Tuesday. I also want to see the reaction of the new principal's face when she sees rebels like me.
My cousin's daughter isn't called Hafizah! Yay! I mean, Hafizah is such an unglam name (according to my cousin). No offence to all the Hafizahs in the world. My brother tricked me. I'm such a gullible fool. My family has a reputation of naming babies with sophisticated and unique names, like Elysia, Izz, or Nazihah. Haha! Yes, that's the name of the new baby, Nazihah. Like, as in, hail Hitler + laugh. Went to see her yesterday and she looks like any other baby. She was sleeping like a baby (duh!) when we came. Apparently, my cousin gave birth to the baby via caesarian birth. Like, cut up the tummy to get the baby. My mother gave caesarian births to all three of us brothers, so they were discussing the pain of being a woman. My cousin said that it really hurts when she coughs after the operation. Thank god I'm not a pregnant woman. No wonder the birth rate is declining. My cousin's husband gave a blow-by-blow account on what happened during the birth. I was about to faint, seriously.
After that, my whole family wanted to go eat this weird dish called Ayam Penyet. Direct translation is actually flat chicken. Went to Changi and that was the first time my whole family stepped foot in Changi Village. Seriously, it's so near to our house and we haven't even been there. Shame on us. BTW we passed Changi Prison on the way. Changi Prison is really near to my house. A sociopath could just climb up the huge fence, run up to my house and stab me 154 times. Well, I was kind of expecting a lot of drag queens, but we met my late uncle's adopted daughter whose now with her real parents. She looks so different. My cousin didn't know who she was. I didn't too. Blah blah blah, after that, we sat next to this guy who was really really depressed. He looked like he was about to kill himself and he was drinking beer. About every 10 minutes, this waitress who's older than my mother came to him and poured beer from the bottle to his mug. Then, when the bottle is empty, she would get another bottle for him. Haha! I live neer Hooters. The food was OK. It's really really near my house. I think my house is nearer to Changi Beach than it is nearer to Tampines.
Now everybody in my family (i.e. my family, my cousins, my aunties, my uncles, etc.) kind of hate my cousin and his mother. Ok, here's the thing. My cousin (Sec 1 next year) got in Damai Secondary, which is the same school as my other cousin. My Sec 1 cousin's mother asked my other cousin if Damai Secondary has the subject "Arab Language". Hahaha! Funny! It's because my Sec 1 cousin is a religious teacher-wannabe. He likes singing songs about the islamic alphabet and the islamic months. I mean, who the hell sings that during their free time? And during Hari Raya when we all gathered at my uncle's house, I was looking at a photo album of my uncle and his wife when they went to Mekkah. Suddenly, he was over my shoulder and he was like, "I've been there done that! And he was bragging about how enlightening his journey was to Mekkah!" Ya, I'll go when I'm fully matured, unlike him. And when he got back from Mekkah, he keeps on wearing a songkok. My mother told me that my cousin's mother is going to send him to school everyday. My mother said that he's going to be the laughing stock of the whole school, which is kind of true.
BTW I think my culinary skills have increased dramatically. I tried to do something different and unique during lunch, so I decided to put cheese on my murtabak and fry it. It turned out to be delicious. I'm going to try to put hotdogs inside the murtabak next time.
My cousin's daughter isn't called Hafizah! Yay! I mean, Hafizah is such an unglam name (according to my cousin). No offence to all the Hafizahs in the world. My brother tricked me. I'm such a gullible fool. My family has a reputation of naming babies with sophisticated and unique names, like Elysia, Izz, or Nazihah. Haha! Yes, that's the name of the new baby, Nazihah. Like, as in, hail Hitler + laugh. Went to see her yesterday and she looks like any other baby. She was sleeping like a baby (duh!) when we came. Apparently, my cousin gave birth to the baby via caesarian birth. Like, cut up the tummy to get the baby. My mother gave caesarian births to all three of us brothers, so they were discussing the pain of being a woman. My cousin said that it really hurts when she coughs after the operation. Thank god I'm not a pregnant woman. No wonder the birth rate is declining. My cousin's husband gave a blow-by-blow account on what happened during the birth. I was about to faint, seriously.
After that, my whole family wanted to go eat this weird dish called Ayam Penyet. Direct translation is actually flat chicken. Went to Changi and that was the first time my whole family stepped foot in Changi Village. Seriously, it's so near to our house and we haven't even been there. Shame on us. BTW we passed Changi Prison on the way. Changi Prison is really near to my house. A sociopath could just climb up the huge fence, run up to my house and stab me 154 times. Well, I was kind of expecting a lot of drag queens, but we met my late uncle's adopted daughter whose now with her real parents. She looks so different. My cousin didn't know who she was. I didn't too. Blah blah blah, after that, we sat next to this guy who was really really depressed. He looked like he was about to kill himself and he was drinking beer. About every 10 minutes, this waitress who's older than my mother came to him and poured beer from the bottle to his mug. Then, when the bottle is empty, she would get another bottle for him. Haha! I live neer Hooters. The food was OK. It's really really near my house. I think my house is nearer to Changi Beach than it is nearer to Tampines.
Now everybody in my family (i.e. my family, my cousins, my aunties, my uncles, etc.) kind of hate my cousin and his mother. Ok, here's the thing. My cousin (Sec 1 next year) got in Damai Secondary, which is the same school as my other cousin. My Sec 1 cousin's mother asked my other cousin if Damai Secondary has the subject "Arab Language". Hahaha! Funny! It's because my Sec 1 cousin is a religious teacher-wannabe. He likes singing songs about the islamic alphabet and the islamic months. I mean, who the hell sings that during their free time? And during Hari Raya when we all gathered at my uncle's house, I was looking at a photo album of my uncle and his wife when they went to Mekkah. Suddenly, he was over my shoulder and he was like, "I've been there done that! And he was bragging about how enlightening his journey was to Mekkah!" Ya, I'll go when I'm fully matured, unlike him. And when he got back from Mekkah, he keeps on wearing a songkok. My mother told me that my cousin's mother is going to send him to school everyday. My mother said that he's going to be the laughing stock of the whole school, which is kind of true.
BTW I think my culinary skills have increased dramatically. I tried to do something different and unique during lunch, so I decided to put cheese on my murtabak and fry it. It turned out to be delicious. I'm going to try to put hotdogs inside the murtabak next time.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
My Bee Bee Cue
I met my primary school friend on Friday outside the mosque. He looked like he was 18 and I look like I'm 12. I mean, seriously, he looks like a bike fanatic or something. I can't believe I used to talk to him. Maybe it's because he smokes. I dunno. He stole my WWE cards and returned them only when I got sick of WWE cards. What an idiot I was.
I watched the Battle of the Reality Stars thingy only because of Brittany. But they didn't really interview Brittany. They had unknown people from unknown reality television shows. And there was Wendy Pepper and Austin Scarlett from Project Runway. And Austin was like the fashion corresspondent. Hahaha! Funny! And Brittany looked georgeous! She should have won. Seriously...
Yesterday my family had a barbecue. My auntie cooked most of the food and all of the food that she cooked was overburnt on the outside and undercooked in the inside. I seriously do not know how that could happen. Anyway, I got sick of eating charcoal and decided to cook things myself. Then, my uncle wanted some more chicken wings so I had to be the stupid cook. I ended up cooking to perfection and everybody was praising me. I also invented a really cool recipe. You just barbecue some potatoes in aluminium foil. Then, you add mozarella cheese and cream cheese on it (lots of it) and microwave for 30 seconds. It tastes so good, you'll swear it's candy.
My cousin sleptover at my house yesterday and now everyone's at my house. Seems like my house is like a hotel and I'm supposed to entertain them. Hahaha!
My other cousin from my other side just gave birth and has named their daughter Hafizah! Hafizah! I'm so jealous! Why? Because my brother's name is Hafiz! Ya, I know, you can't name a girl Hakimah, but still, can't she just name her daughter Cassandra or Tyra or something. Anything other than Hafizah!
I watched the Battle of the Reality Stars thingy only because of Brittany. But they didn't really interview Brittany. They had unknown people from unknown reality television shows. And there was Wendy Pepper and Austin Scarlett from Project Runway. And Austin was like the fashion corresspondent. Hahaha! Funny! And Brittany looked georgeous! She should have won. Seriously...
Yesterday my family had a barbecue. My auntie cooked most of the food and all of the food that she cooked was overburnt on the outside and undercooked in the inside. I seriously do not know how that could happen. Anyway, I got sick of eating charcoal and decided to cook things myself. Then, my uncle wanted some more chicken wings so I had to be the stupid cook. I ended up cooking to perfection and everybody was praising me. I also invented a really cool recipe. You just barbecue some potatoes in aluminium foil. Then, you add mozarella cheese and cream cheese on it (lots of it) and microwave for 30 seconds. It tastes so good, you'll swear it's candy.
My cousin sleptover at my house yesterday and now everyone's at my house. Seems like my house is like a hotel and I'm supposed to entertain them. Hahaha!
My other cousin from my other side just gave birth and has named their daughter Hafizah! Hafizah! I'm so jealous! Why? Because my brother's name is Hafiz! Ya, I know, you can't name a girl Hakimah, but still, can't she just name her daughter Cassandra or Tyra or something. Anything other than Hafizah!
Friday, December 23, 2005
My Plead To Insanity
It is official. My parents hate me. My mother scolded me for not waking my brother up to go to 'work'. I mean, I'm not a babysitter, you know. Then, my parents were watching TV in the TV room and I was in the lounge room reading a book, and my mother asked me if I wanted chocolate. I asked what kind of chocolate (like, chocolate ice-cream, Cadbury's chocolate, chocolate milk, etc.). She said, "Chocolate". I asked again, "Yes, but what kind of chocolate?". Then my mother put on a hissyfit and told me to move my ass and see what kind of chocolate they were. Then, when I was moving my ass, my father chipped in and told my mother why bother asking him. I could not believe my ears! BTW they were hazelnuts covered in chocolate.
Then, at night, my father was doing something to our computer, and my mother and brother were in the room talking and joking and were having fun. And I was in my room reading a book. Suddenly, my mother said that the lights in my room were switched on and that nobody was in the room. Then my brother came into my room and said that I was in my room. I wanted to cry.
I'm going to go crazy and make up an imaginary sister. She's going to be fun and funny and fun to be with. She's 21 years of age and her name is Kyle. She works at Dairy Queen for one hour a day and the 23 hours is going to be spent on me. My sister would buy me expensive presents and we would have so much fun. Yay!
Then, at night, my father was doing something to our computer, and my mother and brother were in the room talking and joking and were having fun. And I was in my room reading a book. Suddenly, my mother said that the lights in my room were switched on and that nobody was in the room. Then my brother came into my room and said that I was in my room. I wanted to cry.
I'm going to go crazy and make up an imaginary sister. She's going to be fun and funny and fun to be with. She's 21 years of age and her name is Kyle. She works at Dairy Queen for one hour a day and the 23 hours is going to be spent on me. My sister would buy me expensive presents and we would have so much fun. Yay!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
The Girl With The Twisted Catchphrase
Ok, my title may be a bit different from my previous 'My ...' tradition, but oh well.
My brother has totally ignored me. He came home when I was still asleep and he locked the door. I wanted to open the door to confront him, but he didn't open the door for me. When he wakes up, I'm going to confront him, and shed a few tears, just to make him stop annoying and insulting me.
Top Model 5 was mediocre. I still wonder why Tyra made those auditions episodes. Can't she just make a 90 minute premiere that has the first 30 minutes as the castings and add the first episode? That would boost your ratings, Tyra.
My mother didn't watch ANTM surprisingly, so it was only the boys that watched it (my other brother and my dad and me). My brother and father laughed when Tyra asked Cassandra to name 3 Covergirls, when Tyra asked the 'Chip' girl when was the last time she did community service, when Jay acted like a pig, when Ms. J mocked Coryn with her eyebrows, when Tyra was 'auditioning' and tried to guess her birthdate, everything!
Channel 5 kept a deep dark secret from us. They didn't show many many parts. First, they didn't show the part where Kim announced to Tyra that she was a lesbian. Next, they cut the part where Kyle said that Kim was the first lesbian she ever met. Then, they cut the part where Diane was asking Cassandra how she feels about President Bush being dumb and that he's from Texas. Ha! Next week, Kim and another contestant are going to make out. I would like to see how Channel 5 cuts these bits.
Now lets talk about all the contestants shall we?
Ashley: Needs to catch some 'Z's. She seriously has those eyebags and in the polaroid photo, she looked like a relative of Tyra (an alien). And don't brag about you going to get the contract. You're boring! And I thought you were my pre-show favourite. Shame on you.
Bre: She seriously needs to throw up. She said that about 5 times. I don't like her hair. I prefer it straight. And she talks like this, she talks right in front of your face!
Cassandra: Wait till you see the makeover episode. This sociopath seriously needs to get some emotions.
Coryn: I have just realised that she's very muscular. I think all her fats have converted into muscles. What more can we say about Ms. Eyebrows?
Diane: Another plus-size model who wouldn't have a chance in hell to win. Tyra said that she would make a great plus-size model, then my father asked me what Tyra said, and I said that she (Tyra) said that she (Diane) would make a great plus-size model. Then he (my dad) laughed. I think he (my dad) knows that she (Diane) would never win this competition.
Ebony: Don't get it twisted! And she kind of looks like me.
Jayla: She totally looks like Alia. And she's a Jehovah's Witness! I bet she goes to the same church as Michael Jackson. And I did some research and apparently, Naomi Campbell is a Jehovah's Witness. Ha!
Kim: She's a lesbian by the way. Why did Channel 5 cut that part?! Sheesh! You can have Crazy Horse topless cabaret shows and you won't even tell us that this girl likes girls?
Kyle: Woo! I love her. Don't you?
Lisa: She looks really old. Really. And what's with the mother's story? Seems like everybody has that kind of story. Lisa, Coryn, Nicole.
Nicole: Chapstick is like lipbalm. And when Nicole wanted to look for Chapstick, I was like, "FRIGGIN SPLIT UP!". And she apparently doesn't know how to cook instant noodles. Ha.
Nik: She looks good at the airport when she said that she was the competition. But take those glasses off and stop acting like Naima!
Sarah: Oh ya, my dad and brother laughed when she tripped on the runway. Hahaha!
Oh ya, they cut the scene the part where a girl was sitting on Kim's lap. Eventually, Channel 5 is going to spend some time editing.
And I heard what Kim said about the instant noodle incident.
Nicole: This ramen tastes like hay, like straw hay. It's really bad. No, it's bad. That's why I'm complaining. I made it wrong.
Bre says something.
Krystle: She made the cup of noodles wrong.
Bre says something.
Nicole: How is that complaining if I'm telling you about...
Bre: No, girl, you have been complainin' the whole time. Juz give me five minutes withou' it. Just five, please.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: I'm sorry I'm ghetto I could cook my cup o' noodles real good.
Nicole [in an interview]: You can't get mad at me for not knowing how to make ramen noodles. Seriously.
Nicole: You've been complaining about coffee, you've been complaining about everything
Krystle says something that cannot be made out. She's mocking Nicole.
Jessica interviews and says something that cannot be made out. She says 'catty'.
Nicole: No, no! It's you who's been complaining about chips and...
Adriana [in an interview]: Those people are trying to get bitchy and like competitive and like dramatic.
Krystle [thanks to subtitles]: Don't even put my name in it 'cause I did not open it 'cause I did not give a damn about them chips.
Nicole: You don't even know me who could you say that I'm spoiled?
Kim: Who wants cookies?
Nicole [in an interview]: I guess some people were thinking that I'm complaining and I didn't see that. I'm not really worried about them. They can do what they wanna do and I'm gonna play my own strategy. I dunno. We'll see what happens.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: Anybody on their period right now?
Kim: Looks like some people are gonna get it.
Dramatic Gong.
Ha!
My brother has totally ignored me. He came home when I was still asleep and he locked the door. I wanted to open the door to confront him, but he didn't open the door for me. When he wakes up, I'm going to confront him, and shed a few tears, just to make him stop annoying and insulting me.
Top Model 5 was mediocre. I still wonder why Tyra made those auditions episodes. Can't she just make a 90 minute premiere that has the first 30 minutes as the castings and add the first episode? That would boost your ratings, Tyra.
My mother didn't watch ANTM surprisingly, so it was only the boys that watched it (my other brother and my dad and me). My brother and father laughed when Tyra asked Cassandra to name 3 Covergirls, when Tyra asked the 'Chip' girl when was the last time she did community service, when Jay acted like a pig, when Ms. J mocked Coryn with her eyebrows, when Tyra was 'auditioning' and tried to guess her birthdate, everything!
Channel 5 kept a deep dark secret from us. They didn't show many many parts. First, they didn't show the part where Kim announced to Tyra that she was a lesbian. Next, they cut the part where Kyle said that Kim was the first lesbian she ever met. Then, they cut the part where Diane was asking Cassandra how she feels about President Bush being dumb and that he's from Texas. Ha! Next week, Kim and another contestant are going to make out. I would like to see how Channel 5 cuts these bits.
Now lets talk about all the contestants shall we?
Ashley: Needs to catch some 'Z's. She seriously has those eyebags and in the polaroid photo, she looked like a relative of Tyra (an alien). And don't brag about you going to get the contract. You're boring! And I thought you were my pre-show favourite. Shame on you.
Bre: She seriously needs to throw up. She said that about 5 times. I don't like her hair. I prefer it straight. And she talks like this, she talks right in front of your face!
Cassandra: Wait till you see the makeover episode. This sociopath seriously needs to get some emotions.
Coryn: I have just realised that she's very muscular. I think all her fats have converted into muscles. What more can we say about Ms. Eyebrows?
Diane: Another plus-size model who wouldn't have a chance in hell to win. Tyra said that she would make a great plus-size model, then my father asked me what Tyra said, and I said that she (Tyra) said that she (Diane) would make a great plus-size model. Then he (my dad) laughed. I think he (my dad) knows that she (Diane) would never win this competition.
Ebony: Don't get it twisted! And she kind of looks like me.
Jayla: She totally looks like Alia. And she's a Jehovah's Witness! I bet she goes to the same church as Michael Jackson. And I did some research and apparently, Naomi Campbell is a Jehovah's Witness. Ha!
Kim: She's a lesbian by the way. Why did Channel 5 cut that part?! Sheesh! You can have Crazy Horse topless cabaret shows and you won't even tell us that this girl likes girls?
Kyle: Woo! I love her. Don't you?
Lisa: She looks really old. Really. And what's with the mother's story? Seems like everybody has that kind of story. Lisa, Coryn, Nicole.
Nicole: Chapstick is like lipbalm. And when Nicole wanted to look for Chapstick, I was like, "FRIGGIN SPLIT UP!". And she apparently doesn't know how to cook instant noodles. Ha.
Nik: She looks good at the airport when she said that she was the competition. But take those glasses off and stop acting like Naima!
Sarah: Oh ya, my dad and brother laughed when she tripped on the runway. Hahaha!
Oh ya, they cut the scene the part where a girl was sitting on Kim's lap. Eventually, Channel 5 is going to spend some time editing.
And I heard what Kim said about the instant noodle incident.
Nicole: This ramen tastes like hay, like straw hay. It's really bad. No, it's bad. That's why I'm complaining. I made it wrong.
Bre says something.
Krystle: She made the cup of noodles wrong.
Bre says something.
Nicole: How is that complaining if I'm telling you about...
Bre: No, girl, you have been complainin' the whole time. Juz give me five minutes withou' it. Just five, please.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: I'm sorry I'm ghetto I could cook my cup o' noodles real good.
Nicole [in an interview]: You can't get mad at me for not knowing how to make ramen noodles. Seriously.
Nicole: You've been complaining about coffee, you've been complaining about everything
Krystle says something that cannot be made out. She's mocking Nicole.
Jessica interviews and says something that cannot be made out. She says 'catty'.
Nicole: No, no! It's you who's been complaining about chips and...
Adriana [in an interview]: Those people are trying to get bitchy and like competitive and like dramatic.
Krystle [thanks to subtitles]: Don't even put my name in it 'cause I did not open it 'cause I did not give a damn about them chips.
Nicole: You don't even know me who could you say that I'm spoiled?
Kim: Who wants cookies?
Nicole [in an interview]: I guess some people were thinking that I'm complaining and I didn't see that. I'm not really worried about them. They can do what they wanna do and I'm gonna play my own strategy. I dunno. We'll see what happens.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: Anybody on their period right now?
Kim: Looks like some people are gonna get it.
Dramatic Gong.
Ha!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
My Dumb Brother
My brother is such a loser. I have deleted his tags and now I have regretted doing it. He called me a gay then, after that, he said that when I look at women's breasts, I get excited. WTF? That's so mean. Can he just go away and mind his own business. I wish he would just go to work forever and never come back. Ya, call me a bad brother, but I've had enough with him. What the hell did I do to make him hate me. He started all this and now I'm so going to get my revenge. You'll just wait and see. I'm going to tell in front of my parents that he smokes. He's currently out now. He's 'working'. Yeah right. I bet he's at pubs right now. I know that because he hasn't paid his phone bills and he claims that he paid it at 7-Eleven and claims that 7-Eleven updates the bills really slowly. Shut up with your lies. At least my second brother is OK with me. He doesn't stick his nose inside my personal stuff. So why don't you learn something from him?! I don't really care if you call up your Malay Mat Gang and beat me up. You have no respect for me! Seriously, I do not care about you anymore. Just leave me alone! I've shut up talking to you, OK? So don't you ever ever talk bad about me! And you're the one who's been "makan, makan, makan" at the house. You don't do a single thing for the house. Even on your 'day off' you don't do nothing! All you do is sleep like shit, you stupid shit-slice. I heard of your phone conversation just now. I've been saving your ass this whole time. I've never said anything to my parents. I remember the time when you did something bad, very bad and I knew what you did. Well, I didn't tell my parents. I fucking did not! I just kept my fucking mouth shut. I hope you get a good beating. Now I hate you!
Wow! That's a load of my shoulders. Now I feel like singing Confessions of a Broken Heart.
Wow! That's a load of my shoulders. Now I feel like singing Confessions of a Broken Heart.
My New Addiction
Now I am addicted to Oreo's Chocolate Creeme. Instead of vanilla, they have chocolate cream. Umm... Yum. But it's finished. So I'm expecting some withdrawl symptoms.
Watched two episodes of CSI: Miami. Now I hate CSI: Miami a little less. But! They're using sick sick storylines just to win over the hearts of CSI fans like I. Well, they had this guy who cut up his fingers (only the skin) and rearranged them so that his fingerprints won't be the same. Yuk! And that coroner woman named Alexx is such a wacko. This woman was burnt in her car and she was like, "I hope you didn't suffer much, Lisa." A few seconds later, she cut up her whole anatomy. Well, now she's suffering. Talk about hypocrisy.
If Oprah Winfrey had a baby with Tyra Banks, the result would be this. And her name would be Typrah Winbanks. Well, surprise surprise! This is not Typrah. This is in fact, Tyra herself, taken from her talk show, The Tyra Banks Show. Talk about copying your idol. Somebody needs to tell her that she's such an Oprah wannabe. Just look at that face. I saw that and she totally reminded me of Oprah. And I only watched about 3 episodes of Oprah. One about Shrek 2, one about women being abused by men, and one about bras.
Watched two episodes of CSI: Miami. Now I hate CSI: Miami a little less. But! They're using sick sick storylines just to win over the hearts of CSI fans like I. Well, they had this guy who cut up his fingers (only the skin) and rearranged them so that his fingerprints won't be the same. Yuk! And that coroner woman named Alexx is such a wacko. This woman was burnt in her car and she was like, "I hope you didn't suffer much, Lisa." A few seconds later, she cut up her whole anatomy. Well, now she's suffering. Talk about hypocrisy.
If Oprah Winfrey had a baby with Tyra Banks, the result would be this. And her name would be Typrah Winbanks. Well, surprise surprise! This is not Typrah. This is in fact, Tyra herself, taken from her talk show, The Tyra Banks Show. Talk about copying your idol. Somebody needs to tell her that she's such an Oprah wannabe. Just look at that face. I saw that and she totally reminded me of Oprah. And I only watched about 3 episodes of Oprah. One about Shrek 2, one about women being abused by men, and one about bras.
PS: I've got a new poll. I will be changing the poll every week once somebody gets eliminated. And please, if you already know who the winner is, please don't choose her. It's 'Who Should Be ANTM'.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
My Crushed Dreams
Showed my mother the handphone that I intended to buy when I'm rich and famous. She looked at it and said that no way in hell am I going to get a cellphone that good because she's going to force me to buy a cheaper handphone. At that moment, something was thrown out of a moving vehicle and was steamrolled by an army tank three times. That, my fellow readers, is my dreams. After my O Levels I am so going to get a job. Maybe get $500 a month, and by early next year, I will get my handphone.
I have just realised that Christmas is on Sunday, which means that New Years Day is exactly next week after Christmas, which means that school starts exactly in two weeks. So, I read through my Biology textbook and I have realised that I still have a couple of holiday assignments to do. If only I had an organizer! And I have realised that I have not really been using my brain during these two months. I heard of this research that if you don't use your brains, you'll go stupider. And I think I have. Now I think I have no hope in passing my O Levels. I'll have to make do with my unchargable phone! Aarrgghh!
It's really funny that I'm taking the same O Level papers as my brother's girlfriend. She's one year older than me, just that she's in Normal Academic. My parents joked that maybe we could have a group study. Umm... no thanks. She's the girlfriend of a boy who accused his brother by calling him a drag queen. No thank you. I'm sure she's nice and all, but no thanks.
One more day to Top Model. But it's only the auditions. So it's one more week and one more day to Top Model.
I have just realised that Christmas is on Sunday, which means that New Years Day is exactly next week after Christmas, which means that school starts exactly in two weeks. So, I read through my Biology textbook and I have realised that I still have a couple of holiday assignments to do. If only I had an organizer! And I have realised that I have not really been using my brain during these two months. I heard of this research that if you don't use your brains, you'll go stupider. And I think I have. Now I think I have no hope in passing my O Levels. I'll have to make do with my unchargable phone! Aarrgghh!
It's really funny that I'm taking the same O Level papers as my brother's girlfriend. She's one year older than me, just that she's in Normal Academic. My parents joked that maybe we could have a group study. Umm... no thanks. She's the girlfriend of a boy who accused his brother by calling him a drag queen. No thank you. I'm sure she's nice and all, but no thanks.
One more day to Top Model. But it's only the auditions. So it's one more week and one more day to Top Model.
My Fantasy Handphone
Ustaz Hamid, can you just go away?! I could inform MUIS because you are harrassing me and my blog. Why are you doing this to me? If you personally know me and if you have something against me, can you just talk to me face-to-face. Then, I'd like to slap you in the face.
I have just found out that the Nokia 611 costs $400. There was an offer from M1 saying that it costs only $61. Wow! If only my parents signed up a new contract and we don't use the Sim Card. That would be cool. I'm going to save money and buy one of the phones of the N-Series. I'm going to starve myself until I get my phone. Woo!
I have just found out that the Nokia 611 costs $400. There was an offer from M1 saying that it costs only $61. Wow! If only my parents signed up a new contract and we don't use the Sim Card. That would be cool. I'm going to save money and buy one of the phones of the N-Series. I'm going to starve myself until I get my phone. Woo!
Monday, December 19, 2005
My Nougats
Yay! Nougats! Yes! The ustadz gave us nougats from Australia and I'm the only one eating them. I think the rest of my family forgot. But there's this new flavoured nougat. It's called the Green Tea Nougat. Eww... Yuck. I have never tasted it. But there's so many of them it's hard to avoid them.
Me and my brother had a confrontation and I won. I was on the computer minding my own business when he came in and asked me how my blog was doing. I told him to shut up, but he said that it was on the internet and that everyone had the right to read my blog. True. But still, please don't make fun of me being accused of being a drag queen. It's just so weird. I wanted to say "Could you please respect my privacy! Why can't you just let me do the things I wanna do I just wanna be me I don't understand why would you wanna bring me down when I'm only having fun..." But I didn't. I was scared he might call me a girly girl. So I threatened him that if he doesn't shut up, I'm going to tell on him! Yes, this is very childish but I will if he annoys me.
I've had enough of my stupid handphone! My handphone sucks eggs! I have just charged my handphone about 5 minutes ago and I purposely charged it in the hall where everybody can see me. I overacted and adjusted and adjusted and I pretended to cry. I hope my parents see me suffer. I want a Nokia phone! I saw the Nokia 6111 model. The one that's in the ads now. It's the one with the slogan, "Little moves, big performance" or something like that. It looks nice. And it's the size of a credit card. I want that phone!
Me and my brother had a confrontation and I won. I was on the computer minding my own business when he came in and asked me how my blog was doing. I told him to shut up, but he said that it was on the internet and that everyone had the right to read my blog. True. But still, please don't make fun of me being accused of being a drag queen. It's just so weird. I wanted to say "Could you please respect my privacy! Why can't you just let me do the things I wanna do I just wanna be me I don't understand why would you wanna bring me down when I'm only having fun..." But I didn't. I was scared he might call me a girly girl. So I threatened him that if he doesn't shut up, I'm going to tell on him! Yes, this is very childish but I will if he annoys me.
I've had enough of my stupid handphone! My handphone sucks eggs! I have just charged my handphone about 5 minutes ago and I purposely charged it in the hall where everybody can see me. I overacted and adjusted and adjusted and I pretended to cry. I hope my parents see me suffer. I want a Nokia phone! I saw the Nokia 6111 model. The one that's in the ads now. It's the one with the slogan, "Little moves, big performance" or something like that. It looks nice. And it's the size of a credit card. I want that phone!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
My Guests
They're here. And they're not so bad. I thought that they're the types that don't watch television. But guess what?! The ustadz's wife knows who Jennifer Lopez is. And she calls her JLo. Ha!
I seriously wish I could punch my brother. He's being such a giant baby even in front of the guests. And he read my blog and he accused me of being a drag queen. Wait till I tell my parents that he smokes. I hope he gets bronchitis. I hope he coughs until he coughs his brains out. Oh wait, he doesn't have any to begin with. Ha!
Watched CSI: Miami on DVD and it's the stupidest TV Series ever! I mean, I've watched 3 episodes so far and I'm practically forcing myself to watch it because I need to. CSI: Las Vegas and CSI: NY is really exciting and it makes you want to watch the next episode. CSI: Miami is just wrong and it makes you want to change the channel. I mean, the main guy Haratio is so over-acting. And his hair is orange in colour! Donald Trump poser! And the other girl Calleigh or whatever her stupid name is. Her voice is so screachy I'd rather hear fingernails scraping on the blackboard rather than her voice. And the coroner the Khandi woman is a really crazy woman. She talks to the dead bodies and she's like, "Who did this to you, Nicole?". Like as if the dead body's gonna say, "Oh, it was Bre. Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre. Bre poured Red Bull down the sink. That's why I died!"
I seriously wish I could punch my brother. He's being such a giant baby even in front of the guests. And he read my blog and he accused me of being a drag queen. Wait till I tell my parents that he smokes. I hope he gets bronchitis. I hope he coughs until he coughs his brains out. Oh wait, he doesn't have any to begin with. Ha!
Watched CSI: Miami on DVD and it's the stupidest TV Series ever! I mean, I've watched 3 episodes so far and I'm practically forcing myself to watch it because I need to. CSI: Las Vegas and CSI: NY is really exciting and it makes you want to watch the next episode. CSI: Miami is just wrong and it makes you want to change the channel. I mean, the main guy Haratio is so over-acting. And his hair is orange in colour! Donald Trump poser! And the other girl Calleigh or whatever her stupid name is. Her voice is so screachy I'd rather hear fingernails scraping on the blackboard rather than her voice. And the coroner the Khandi woman is a really crazy woman. She talks to the dead bodies and she's like, "Who did this to you, Nicole?". Like as if the dead body's gonna say, "Oh, it was Bre. Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre. Bre poured Red Bull down the sink. That's why I died!"
Thursday, December 15, 2005
My Stupid, Stupid Handphone
I didn't deserve it. Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!! [does what Lisa does in ANTM commercial]
Blood, sweat and tears have been shed yesterday when I tried to charge my MOTOROLA handphone. A word for everyone intending to buy MOTOROLA stuff... Don't do it! Don't make the same mistake that I did a year ago. It's so friggin hard to charge it because you need to adjust it and when you're about to put it down, it goes back to 'Charge Cancelled Mode'. Stupid stupid handphone. My father's contract is expiring in May, so he could upgrade in February. So I better get a new handphone or I'll get a heart attack.
I keep on getting stupid disgusting Adult Friend Finder and Match.com and some ringtone websites. It's disgusting, especially the first one. It's full of old desperate women who want to sleep with old desperate men. Yucks. And they claim that they're Singaporeans when everyone is Caucasian.
Blood, sweat and tears have been shed yesterday when I tried to charge my MOTOROLA handphone. A word for everyone intending to buy MOTOROLA stuff... Don't do it! Don't make the same mistake that I did a year ago. It's so friggin hard to charge it because you need to adjust it and when you're about to put it down, it goes back to 'Charge Cancelled Mode'. Stupid stupid handphone. My father's contract is expiring in May, so he could upgrade in February. So I better get a new handphone or I'll get a heart attack.
I keep on getting stupid disgusting Adult Friend Finder and Match.com and some ringtone websites. It's disgusting, especially the first one. It's full of old desperate women who want to sleep with old desperate men. Yucks. And they claim that they're Singaporeans when everyone is Caucasian.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
My New Ringtone
Hey! This might be my new RINGTONE. She's a stupid stupid bitch.
Project Runway! Yes! Project Runway!! Heidi's pregnant!! Yes! To her husband!!! SEAL!!! Yes!!! How the hell did my mother know about the Seal being Heidi's husband and Heidi being Seal's wife and Seal being the husband of a German television host slash supermodel and vice versa? And I thought that Heidi was married to an endangered animal just like Naomi Watts marrying King Kong.
Pictures of the 2nd season of Project Runway.
HEIDI!!! Don't worry people, this website is spoiler-free. Wow, I didn't realise that Heidi looks pretty. Keep scrolling down before I call you a stupid stupid bitch...
Oh, is that Vannesa Riley's pregnant envy dress? We'll just have to scroll down...
It's Heidi Seal! Showing off her new belly, and belly button...
A drag queen! A drag queen on television!
Remember her? Oh wait, you don't. She was on ANTM 3 by the way. You, know the season Channel 5 didn't show and everybody was angry at Channel 5...
Her face looks really familiar. Not to you, unfortunately, because she reminds me of a girl who auditioned for ANTM 3, which Channel 5 didn't show and that was the day when there were riots and all the violence...
Yes it is her! Because her name is Rachael! PS: Zulema is such a nice name.
As we see, it is her!
This is a footage from ANTM 3 which you didn't see because, well, we know already. Tyra is trying to make Rachael smell her armpits. Haha. A picture is worth a thousand words.
Project Runway! Yes! Project Runway!! Heidi's pregnant!! Yes! To her husband!!! SEAL!!! Yes!!! How the hell did my mother know about the Seal being Heidi's husband and Heidi being Seal's wife and Seal being the husband of a German television host slash supermodel and vice versa? And I thought that Heidi was married to an endangered animal just like Naomi Watts marrying King Kong.
Pictures of the 2nd season of Project Runway.
HEIDI!!! Don't worry people, this website is spoiler-free. Wow, I didn't realise that Heidi looks pretty. Keep scrolling down before I call you a stupid stupid bitch...
Oh, is that Vannesa Riley's pregnant envy dress? We'll just have to scroll down...
It's Heidi Seal! Showing off her new belly, and belly button...
A drag queen! A drag queen on television!
Remember her? Oh wait, you don't. She was on ANTM 3 by the way. You, know the season Channel 5 didn't show and everybody was angry at Channel 5...
Her face looks really familiar. Not to you, unfortunately, because she reminds me of a girl who auditioned for ANTM 3, which Channel 5 didn't show and that was the day when there were riots and all the violence...
Yes it is her! Because her name is Rachael! PS: Zulema is such a nice name.
As we see, it is her!
This is a footage from ANTM 3 which you didn't see because, well, we know already. Tyra is trying to make Rachael smell her armpits. Haha. A picture is worth a thousand words.
My Random Thoughts
My brother treats everyone in my house like as if we're all roomies. He has his own life, we have our own lives.
Spongebob Squarepants is the best thing that happened in the history of forever.
America's Next Top Model is the second best thing that happened in the history of forever.
I still play Pokemon on my Gameboy and I'm not ashamed to say it.
I try to be nice to him but he has something against me. So now I don't like him.
I want to go to a college in America so that I can watch ANTM earlier than Singapore.
I need to pee, so bad.
I have lazy eyes, like Sara from ANTM 2.
I hate ice-cream. I love popsicles.
Spongebob Squarepants is the best thing that happened in the history of forever.
America's Next Top Model is the second best thing that happened in the history of forever.
I still play Pokemon on my Gameboy and I'm not ashamed to say it.
I try to be nice to him but he has something against me. So now I don't like him.
I want to go to a college in America so that I can watch ANTM earlier than Singapore.
I need to pee, so bad.
I have lazy eyes, like Sara from ANTM 2.
I hate ice-cream. I love popsicles.
I hate chocolate.
I love pistachios.
I do not really sleep at night.
If killing weren't a sin, I would be happy to use my mother's knife collection to good use.
I talk to myself when nobody's at home.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
My Alcoholism
Oh my god I just had the freakiest dream ever. BTW Ustaz Hamid, if you ever make any comments to me, then I'm going to delete all your tags. I can and I'm not afraid to use this.
I dreamt that we had like, this weird religious party at my house and my family invited all the religious people to our house, with the exception of Ustaz Hamid, of course. Because he's a fictional character and that he's so freaking annoying. Ok, so it was like a teenager's party except that there were a lot of old people. Then, suddenly, I had a Tiger Beer in my hand and I started drinking it and it tasted disgusting. And it seems like they had the chewy bits like Nata de Coco.
This was all a dream. Don't be scandalised by it.
A letter to the judges of Project Runway.
Please do not try to act like Janice Dickinson. You're trying your hardest, but the only judge that makes me laugh is Janice herself. Don't try to make rude comments to the designers like the part where you said "Looks like my cat chewed a ball of yarn and spitted it out". It's not even funny. And that was really rude. Janice Dickinson is not rude in a mean way, she's rude in a funny way. Anyway, you're only going to stay there for one week and you'll be out of the judging panel forever. Because in fashion, you're either in or you're out.
The only judge that I like is Heidi Klum. She doesn't say anything. And I love her accent. My mother still can't believe that she's married to this black rapper called Seal. I also can't believe that a white German woman would marry a black ghetto superstar.
And Betsey Johnson was on Project Runway. Hehe. But she kind of looks like a man if you look at her close-up.
I dreamt that we had like, this weird religious party at my house and my family invited all the religious people to our house, with the exception of Ustaz Hamid, of course. Because he's a fictional character and that he's so freaking annoying. Ok, so it was like a teenager's party except that there were a lot of old people. Then, suddenly, I had a Tiger Beer in my hand and I started drinking it and it tasted disgusting. And it seems like they had the chewy bits like Nata de Coco.
This was all a dream. Don't be scandalised by it.
A letter to the judges of Project Runway.
Please do not try to act like Janice Dickinson. You're trying your hardest, but the only judge that makes me laugh is Janice herself. Don't try to make rude comments to the designers like the part where you said "Looks like my cat chewed a ball of yarn and spitted it out". It's not even funny. And that was really rude. Janice Dickinson is not rude in a mean way, she's rude in a funny way. Anyway, you're only going to stay there for one week and you'll be out of the judging panel forever. Because in fashion, you're either in or you're out.
The only judge that I like is Heidi Klum. She doesn't say anything. And I love her accent. My mother still can't believe that she's married to this black rapper called Seal. I also can't believe that a white German woman would marry a black ghetto superstar.
And Betsey Johnson was on Project Runway. Hehe. But she kind of looks like a man if you look at her close-up.
Monday, December 12, 2005
My Grotesque Video
Ew ew ew ew ew yuck yuck yuck! I don't wanna eat anymore! I will never look at forks the same way before I watched the most disgustingest yuckiest goriest video ever!
Well, it all started yesterday, when I was curious about Lindsay Lohan's Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father). So, being the busy bee that I am, I googled the song and I went to this website. LINK. Wow, I that's so sad. Even Lindsay's father has wrote for her a song. It's called Confessions of an Unbroken Heart (Father to Daughter). So I tried going to the music video codes to find the song to put on the website, but instead, I stumbled upon this website that gives codes for grotesque videos. I clicked on a video that said 'Killer' and this is what I saw.
Due to this grotesque content, reader discreetion is advised...
I think this video is for real because it, well, looks real. This woman purposely pokes a fork into one of her eyes. She looks like she's possessed or something. Blood oozes out from her eye. She tries to take out her eyeball. After some struggling, she does, along with some veins and arteries. The cameraman pans around her whole body, which is covered in blood. She's about to eat the eyeball, when suddenly, the video ends.
It was so scary, I closed the window and switched off the computer. I'm so scared it might be like, a curse video where you'd have to do that in 7 days. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to throw out all the forks in the kitchen.
Well, it all started yesterday, when I was curious about Lindsay Lohan's Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father). So, being the busy bee that I am, I googled the song and I went to this website. LINK. Wow, I that's so sad. Even Lindsay's father has wrote for her a song. It's called Confessions of an Unbroken Heart (Father to Daughter). So I tried going to the music video codes to find the song to put on the website, but instead, I stumbled upon this website that gives codes for grotesque videos. I clicked on a video that said 'Killer' and this is what I saw.
Due to this grotesque content, reader discreetion is advised...
I think this video is for real because it, well, looks real. This woman purposely pokes a fork into one of her eyes. She looks like she's possessed or something. Blood oozes out from her eye. She tries to take out her eyeball. After some struggling, she does, along with some veins and arteries. The cameraman pans around her whole body, which is covered in blood. She's about to eat the eyeball, when suddenly, the video ends.
It was so scary, I closed the window and switched off the computer. I'm so scared it might be like, a curse video where you'd have to do that in 7 days. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to throw out all the forks in the kitchen.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
My Tagger
Oh my god! Who is this Ustaz Hamid guy?! Is he for real, or is he some cruel sick joke made by some cruel sick guy?!
By the way, to Ustaz Hamid, there are so many other people who have done much more sinful acts like murder, sex, drugs, etc. I suggest you go to their blogs and encourage them to go for counselling. And I'm sorry if I go against your way, but I will not be taking down the pictures on my blog because I believe that they are not R-rated. They are clothed people. If you think that America's Next Top Model is full of nudity, then you are mistaken because there is rarely any nudity footage and of course, their private parts are censored. I also exaggerated on the previous entry about the America's Next Top Model part where I said many things on nudity. Like I said, they would be covering their privates with their hands or their hair. I know this is not encouraged in Islam, but I only watch the show because of its drama and not to drool over them. You do realise that I did not comment on the girls being 'sexy' or 'hot' or even vulgar adjectives. I only said that they were 'pretty'.
My whole family watches America's Next Top Model. My mum, my brother, and even my father. They do not think that the show is haram because the show is fun to watch and is very entertaining. I suggest you watch the show first, before you make any judgements on me.
PS: Have you really told my mother about this? My mother hasn't talked to me about it yet. In addition, she's a big fan of America's Next Top Model. And I don't think I'm troubled at all thank you. So I don't think I will need somebody to talk to. Thanks for your concern.
Assalamualaikum.
By the way, to Ustaz Hamid, there are so many other people who have done much more sinful acts like murder, sex, drugs, etc. I suggest you go to their blogs and encourage them to go for counselling. And I'm sorry if I go against your way, but I will not be taking down the pictures on my blog because I believe that they are not R-rated. They are clothed people. If you think that America's Next Top Model is full of nudity, then you are mistaken because there is rarely any nudity footage and of course, their private parts are censored. I also exaggerated on the previous entry about the America's Next Top Model part where I said many things on nudity. Like I said, they would be covering their privates with their hands or their hair. I know this is not encouraged in Islam, but I only watch the show because of its drama and not to drool over them. You do realise that I did not comment on the girls being 'sexy' or 'hot' or even vulgar adjectives. I only said that they were 'pretty'.
My whole family watches America's Next Top Model. My mum, my brother, and even my father. They do not think that the show is haram because the show is fun to watch and is very entertaining. I suggest you watch the show first, before you make any judgements on me.
PS: Have you really told my mother about this? My mother hasn't talked to me about it yet. In addition, she's a big fan of America's Next Top Model. And I don't think I'm troubled at all thank you. So I don't think I will need somebody to talk to. Thanks for your concern.
Assalamualaikum.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
My Foreign Visitors
My family's religious teacher from Australia is coming to stay at our house from Friday to Monday. Whoop de doo. I'm not really excited because his whole family is coming too. And his son is a bit bratty and spoilt. And they're going to take up my room so I'm gonna have to sleep right next to the balcony, where pontianaks lurk. Great. I don't think I'm able to use the computer because my mother thinks it's just plain downright rude, even though the son is going to play on my Playstation 24/7. Arrrggghhhh [does what Lisa does in the ANTM commercial].
Oh BTW my mother asked me if I wanted to follow her to Indonesia and go to the religious teacher's kampung after my O Levels. Well, they're actually Indonesians. Of course my mother didn't ask me, all she said was, "After your O Levels, do you want to follow me to the ustadz's kampung? No? Maybe? Yes? Ok!" And I don't even understand Indonesian language! Yesterday it was official that my mother wanted to send me far far away. She told me that I could go the a 'prasantren' or however you pronounce it or spell it. It's in Indonesia or something. My mother said that it's a boarding house of some sort where you read the Qur'an during the day and you learn martial arts in the night. And you can't watch semi-nude, catfighting, nude-only-being-covered-by-bubbles, screaming, nude-only-covered-by-their-hair, lesbian, nude-only-covered-by-diamonds, atheist, legally blind, lupus-carrying, nude-only-covered-by-leaves, drunk, religious, impetigo-carrying, witness of Jehovah, buliemic, plus-size, bisexual, half-Persian, topless-only-covered-by-hair, bitchy, topless-only-covered-by-newspapers-stuck-in-London-phonebooth-with-5-other-women, collapsing, bald, boring, objecting-to-nudity, crazy women on television i.e. America's Next Top Model. I just kept quiet during the whole time hoping that my mother was only joking. I don't wanna be strapped with bombs! I've heard of these such places! If she really isn't joking, I am so going to burn my passport and I'm serious! She said that I could be there for a month. A month!!! A MONTH!!!!! What did I ever do to her that made her hate me so badly!!!! Arrrrggghhhh [does what Lisa does in the ANTM commercial]
On a lighter tone, we all know that we all love Brittany. Why didn't I like her during the show? Kissy kissy!
Oh BTW my mother asked me if I wanted to follow her to Indonesia and go to the religious teacher's kampung after my O Levels. Well, they're actually Indonesians. Of course my mother didn't ask me, all she said was, "After your O Levels, do you want to follow me to the ustadz's kampung? No? Maybe? Yes? Ok!" And I don't even understand Indonesian language! Yesterday it was official that my mother wanted to send me far far away. She told me that I could go the a 'prasantren' or however you pronounce it or spell it. It's in Indonesia or something. My mother said that it's a boarding house of some sort where you read the Qur'an during the day and you learn martial arts in the night. And you can't watch semi-nude, catfighting, nude-only-being-covered-by-bubbles, screaming, nude-only-covered-by-their-hair, lesbian, nude-only-covered-by-diamonds, atheist, legally blind, lupus-carrying, nude-only-covered-by-leaves, drunk, religious, impetigo-carrying, witness of Jehovah, buliemic, plus-size, bisexual, half-Persian, topless-only-covered-by-hair, bitchy, topless-only-covered-by-newspapers-stuck-in-London-phonebooth-with-5-other-women, collapsing, bald, boring, objecting-to-nudity, crazy women on television i.e. America's Next Top Model. I just kept quiet during the whole time hoping that my mother was only joking. I don't wanna be strapped with bombs! I've heard of these such places! If she really isn't joking, I am so going to burn my passport and I'm serious! She said that I could be there for a month. A month!!! A MONTH!!!!! What did I ever do to her that made her hate me so badly!!!! Arrrrggghhhh [does what Lisa does in the ANTM commercial]
On a lighter tone, we all know that we all love Brittany. Why didn't I like her during the show? Kissy kissy!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
My Screencap
[Screams really loudly and jumps up and down]
Well, it's nothing really, but well, just check this out. LINK. If you don't want to know the winner, then don't go anywhere else. Just look down at the text and you'll see "Bollywood's Next Top Model" by Mike, NY. Mike, who lives in New York, is friggin me!!!! I'm serious I'm not joking. I didn't want to put my name and location there because I didn't want to be rejected just because of my special name and unknown location (they might think that Singapore's a part of China and you know, communism and all that crap). I actually tried doing this a couple of times during the previous weeks but they didn't publish it. YES! Now I'm even more famous than Naima! Take that, you non-modelling person!
My brother's like really really weird. He sleeps during the day and he sleeps during the night. Does he ever go to the toilet? My guess is 'No'. Well, at least he's not shivering, but he slouches like crazy. Maybe he should wake up and take a shower.
Yay! I'm happy that Tyra decided to choose the winner of America's Next Top Model. I shall not reveal who the winner is in case people want to be spoiler-free. But just telling you, I LOVE TYRA! At least the winner is going to make it big and stomp on Naima's mohawk. Get off my TV screen, Naima! Woo! I love [insert new supermodel's name]. Let's hope she does something this time.
Well, it's nothing really, but well, just check this out. LINK. If you don't want to know the winner, then don't go anywhere else. Just look down at the text and you'll see "Bollywood's Next Top Model" by Mike, NY. Mike, who lives in New York, is friggin me!!!! I'm serious I'm not joking. I didn't want to put my name and location there because I didn't want to be rejected just because of my special name and unknown location (they might think that Singapore's a part of China and you know, communism and all that crap). I actually tried doing this a couple of times during the previous weeks but they didn't publish it. YES! Now I'm even more famous than Naima! Take that, you non-modelling person!
My brother's like really really weird. He sleeps during the day and he sleeps during the night. Does he ever go to the toilet? My guess is 'No'. Well, at least he's not shivering, but he slouches like crazy. Maybe he should wake up and take a shower.
Yay! I'm happy that Tyra decided to choose the winner of America's Next Top Model. I shall not reveal who the winner is in case people want to be spoiler-free. But just telling you, I LOVE TYRA! At least the winner is going to make it big and stomp on Naima's mohawk. Get off my TV screen, Naima! Woo! I love [insert new supermodel's name]. Let's hope she does something this time.
My Unknown Models
Top Model Runway Ahead is so cool! Brittany looks like Adrianne Curry, Kahlen looks like Hilary Duff and Naima looks like her twin sister! But to tell you the truth, Naima and her twin sister should swap places so that nobody has to look at Naima's photographs.
Of course, there is the awkard situation where Tyra brings some contestants from the previous seasons and my mother kept asking me who won in each season. And then there was Ann, Toccara, Amanda and Eva from Season 3, which of course Channel 5 didn't show and the whole of Singapore said 'No' when they said, "Remember me? I'm the one with the degenerative eye disease!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who was big, black, beautiful and lovin' it!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who wrote 'Clean your shit' in people's low-carb brownies!" or "Remember me? I didn't say skinny, I said tall!". Ok, you guys don't get it. Well, my mother was shocked when she saw the flashback of Amanda confessing that she was legally blind. She kept asking me if she's blind now.
Do you ever realise that everyone's doing something except for Naima! What does she do? She only goes to talkshows and brags about how she won. Then she walks for them, and she walks like as if she's drunk. She only goes to playgrounds and stands there for mothers to say, "That's America's Next Top Model!". Ya, sure honey. Tell that to Yoanna House and ask what she's doing now.
Michelle looks so much better than when she was platinum blonde. I mean, who the hell has that kind of hair colour? Even Amanda changed her hairstyle. Oh, wait, you didn't watch Season 3 because Channel 5 never ever broadcasted it on its network.
Brandy has gotten one inch of her hair back and looks as horrible as that big afro hair. She looks as alien-esque as ever, which could be good for haute coutoure. But I do miss her 'I can't see my eyebrows' and 'I was making a joke to make myself laugh'. Well, at least she's doing something, unlike the universally hated Naima.
Keenyah interviews "A year ago, I was Keenyah. Now, I'm Keenyah [with a different tone]". Yeah, even the editors hate you. They showed all the bad stuff that you did; eating, blocking the door with your big fat tummy, bragging that you're black. And last but not least, getting screamed at by Brittany. Oh I love you Brittany! Now I don't really like Kahlen now.
Tiffany looked like a drag queen at the red carpet.
Thank god Top Model 5 is coming. My birthday wish did come true. Thank me for sacrificing world peace for Top Model.
Of course, there is the awkard situation where Tyra brings some contestants from the previous seasons and my mother kept asking me who won in each season. And then there was Ann, Toccara, Amanda and Eva from Season 3, which of course Channel 5 didn't show and the whole of Singapore said 'No' when they said, "Remember me? I'm the one with the degenerative eye disease!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who was big, black, beautiful and lovin' it!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who wrote 'Clean your shit' in people's low-carb brownies!" or "Remember me? I didn't say skinny, I said tall!". Ok, you guys don't get it. Well, my mother was shocked when she saw the flashback of Amanda confessing that she was legally blind. She kept asking me if she's blind now.
Do you ever realise that everyone's doing something except for Naima! What does she do? She only goes to talkshows and brags about how she won. Then she walks for them, and she walks like as if she's drunk. She only goes to playgrounds and stands there for mothers to say, "That's America's Next Top Model!". Ya, sure honey. Tell that to Yoanna House and ask what she's doing now.
Michelle looks so much better than when she was platinum blonde. I mean, who the hell has that kind of hair colour? Even Amanda changed her hairstyle. Oh, wait, you didn't watch Season 3 because Channel 5 never ever broadcasted it on its network.
Brandy has gotten one inch of her hair back and looks as horrible as that big afro hair. She looks as alien-esque as ever, which could be good for haute coutoure. But I do miss her 'I can't see my eyebrows' and 'I was making a joke to make myself laugh'. Well, at least she's doing something, unlike the universally hated Naima.
Keenyah interviews "A year ago, I was Keenyah. Now, I'm Keenyah [with a different tone]". Yeah, even the editors hate you. They showed all the bad stuff that you did; eating, blocking the door with your big fat tummy, bragging that you're black. And last but not least, getting screamed at by Brittany. Oh I love you Brittany! Now I don't really like Kahlen now.
Tiffany looked like a drag queen at the red carpet.
Thank god Top Model 5 is coming. My birthday wish did come true. Thank me for sacrificing world peace for Top Model.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
My Possessed Brother
Oh brother! My brother's possessed! Well, I think.
Well, it all started yesterday when he locked himself in his room and closed all the windows and didn't switch on the fan and wore a comforter. And he was freaking shivering! Which was super weird. Then, when he was talking like Emily Rose. No, not Cockney speaking Sunny Rose. He was talking like satanic Emily Rose! Then, when he was walking to the kitchen, he was slouching and I swore he was trying to lick his knees. So, The Amazing Race is cancelled, or not, is it? I don't know. My parents tell me nothing.
Well, it all started yesterday when he locked himself in his room and closed all the windows and didn't switch on the fan and wore a comforter. And he was freaking shivering! Which was super weird. Then, when he was talking like Emily Rose. No, not Cockney speaking Sunny Rose. He was talking like satanic Emily Rose! Then, when he was walking to the kitchen, he was slouching and I swore he was trying to lick his knees. So, The Amazing Race is cancelled, or not, is it? I don't know. My parents tell me nothing.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
My Friendly Neighbours
My my my. My neighbours are nice to our family only because they used up our corridor space to put their laundry. Why? Well, it all started on Friday when my robotic R2-D2 neighbour's mother came to our house and apologized in advance in case they make any noise. Why? Becasuse apparently R2-D2 is getting married (to C3-PO, I believe) and they're going to do the proposing stuff at her house on Saturday, I think. They used up the whole lift landing to put the buffet tables and the chairs and whatnot. So, they put their dirty laundry right at our corridor. And they invited my mother and father to go. I didn't want to go anyway. I won't forget the times when they just threw their rubbish around the chute and not in the chute and I had to tolerate the smell. Then, when my mother got back, she was telling everyone how nice they were. Ok, maybe it's R2-D2 who I hate. The grandmother seems nice. I'm not a big fan of Star Wars BTW.
Don't forget to watch ANTM: Return to the Runway on Wednesday. We'll get to see what Naima is doing i.e. nothing.
Don't forget to watch ANTM: Return to the Runway on Wednesday. We'll get to see what Naima is doing i.e. nothing.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
My Massagers
Just felt like blogging because trust me, I'll be lazy to blog tomorrow. Oh my god I'm like Garfield. Seriously, I just sleep and sleep and sleep. Either that or I'm in front of the television. Television is now my best friend. Ok, whatever with that. Firstly, I'm broke big time. Why? Because I've been buying McDonald's practically every single day. Secondly, well, there isn't really a secondly because I used every single money of mine on McSpicy Doubles and McChickens.
Well, yesterday, my mother called me at 4 and asked me if I wanted to go to the John Little Warehouse Sale at Expo. Being the lazy person and wanting to just wait for death at the couch, I didn't want to go, but then my mother said that I had no choice because we would be having dinner after that. So, I dragged myself there. Got there and there were kids playing Ultraman on the PS2, of all the games. Bought some stuff and there was nothing really special, because it was just an enlarged version of John Little, there wasn't really any huge sale where you get everything free.
After that, believe it or not, we went to East Point. Yes, of all the shopping centres, we went to East Point. Ok, we went to this cheap restaurant called Sakura or something and the service was as cheap as Tyra Banks. I mean, my mother was extremely pissed off when she didn't get what she wanted and she kept on muttering under her breath that the customer is always right. I mean, this waiter nearly tripped over a chair. Did they even go to waiter's school? Apparently, they're foreign workers because my father striked a conversation with this Balinese guy and kept on talking weird stuff. Remember, cheap restaurant.
So, after that we went to Best Denki because my mother wanted to buy a new airpot, you know, the thing that boils water. She didn't buy in the end, but when we were exiting, there was like this Osim corner and my brother told us to try the iSqueeze and the salesman saw us and he kept on pestering us to buy one of them. So, in the end, my father got the iSqueez, my mother got the uZap and we got a free gift, the iPamper. I would have never thought that my parents would buy these stuff. Now nobody really cares about the iPamper. I'll just put it in my room and pamper myself all day long.
Oh BTW, I had the longest dream ever. It seems like I was in the dream for about two days. I mean, seriously. Ok, here's the dream; Farahyn turns 18 and I'm still 15 and suddenly Farahyn comes in my uncle's house in a bride's dress. I don't really remember who was there. I don't think anybody was there. Farahyn was excited and kept on saying that it's the best day of her life and blah blah blah. Then, suddenly it's the next day and Farahyn and her husband, Khairul, is at the stage or pelamin or whatever you call it. Then, I was suddenly in my cousin's car and I was telling my cousin how exciting it is. Then I woke up. Wow. If this comes true I'm going to kill myself.
Well, yesterday, my mother called me at 4 and asked me if I wanted to go to the John Little Warehouse Sale at Expo. Being the lazy person and wanting to just wait for death at the couch, I didn't want to go, but then my mother said that I had no choice because we would be having dinner after that. So, I dragged myself there. Got there and there were kids playing Ultraman on the PS2, of all the games. Bought some stuff and there was nothing really special, because it was just an enlarged version of John Little, there wasn't really any huge sale where you get everything free.
After that, believe it or not, we went to East Point. Yes, of all the shopping centres, we went to East Point. Ok, we went to this cheap restaurant called Sakura or something and the service was as cheap as Tyra Banks. I mean, my mother was extremely pissed off when she didn't get what she wanted and she kept on muttering under her breath that the customer is always right. I mean, this waiter nearly tripped over a chair. Did they even go to waiter's school? Apparently, they're foreign workers because my father striked a conversation with this Balinese guy and kept on talking weird stuff. Remember, cheap restaurant.
So, after that we went to Best Denki because my mother wanted to buy a new airpot, you know, the thing that boils water. She didn't buy in the end, but when we were exiting, there was like this Osim corner and my brother told us to try the iSqueeze and the salesman saw us and he kept on pestering us to buy one of them. So, in the end, my father got the iSqueez, my mother got the uZap and we got a free gift, the iPamper. I would have never thought that my parents would buy these stuff. Now nobody really cares about the iPamper. I'll just put it in my room and pamper myself all day long.
Oh BTW, I had the longest dream ever. It seems like I was in the dream for about two days. I mean, seriously. Ok, here's the dream; Farahyn turns 18 and I'm still 15 and suddenly Farahyn comes in my uncle's house in a bride's dress. I don't really remember who was there. I don't think anybody was there. Farahyn was excited and kept on saying that it's the best day of her life and blah blah blah. Then, suddenly it's the next day and Farahyn and her husband, Khairul, is at the stage or pelamin or whatever you call it. Then, I was suddenly in my cousin's car and I was telling my cousin how exciting it is. Then I woke up. Wow. If this comes true I'm going to kill myself.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
My Bollywood Photos
Ok now I'm so in love with Top Model. I mean, last week's photoshoot sucked eggs, but this week's photoshoot totally totally rocked! No, they didn't pose nude with diamonds. No, they didn't pose nude with each other. No they didn't pose nude in a group lying down with their hair covering up their privates while they wear jeans. No they didn't pose nude after they had makeovers. They had a Bollywood-themed photoshoot! Ya, at first I thought it was boring, but actually it's kind of cool.
Bre. Well, since you really can't see that well, let's give you a close-up.
I hate her. Don't you?
Jayla. Where is she? Exactly. It's like finding Wally.
She looks more like Cleopatra.
Nicole!!! My favourite! I really hope she wins this thing. Doesn't she look FABULOUS?!
Now that is the definition of FEIRCE!
Nik. They say that she's gonna be in the top two with Nicole, but I like Nicole better. Somehow, I don't really like this girl.
Close up. Blahness personified.
Bre. Well, since you really can't see that well, let's give you a close-up.
I hate her. Don't you?
Jayla. Where is she? Exactly. It's like finding Wally.
She looks more like Cleopatra.
Nicole!!! My favourite! I really hope she wins this thing. Doesn't she look FABULOUS?!
Now that is the definition of FEIRCE!
Nik. They say that she's gonna be in the top two with Nicole, but I like Nicole better. Somehow, I don't really like this girl.
Close up. Blahness personified.
Woo! I so wanna pose like Nicole for next year's class fun photo. I don't care if everyone's doing their own stuff. I'll just go in the middle and stand on the benches and POSE!
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