ANTM Recap: 80-Year-Old Tranny Mess In Clown-Like Makeup = Fierce!

This will be all about A.N.T.M.

Soooo........

[Tyra Voice]: Previously on America's Next Top Model, Dominique was an ass, is still an ass, and will always be an ass. An overseas trip was imminent and Fatima ran around the country to produce her travel documents, and missed the photoshoot. Both her and Stacey-Ann landed in the Bottom 2, and apparently, being a refugee is an advantage and thus, Stacey-Ann was axed, along with her kiddy voice. WHO will be eliminated, tonight?

So they started the episode off immediately with them traveling to Rome. Firstly, Anya rocks. Like, seriously! She actually fell when she was alighting the van and she just laughed it off. Aww.

Fatima's body hurts, so she wants to rest. Well, that seems fine right?

Apparently, Dominique doesn't see a top model in Fatima. She thinks that Fatima's not strong enough for the competition. It's like pot calling the stainless-steel kettle black.

Meanwhile, Anya actually thinks that she's jet lagged and just hates how the other girls just bitch. Yay, Anya!

Reason #258 on why Anya rocks: She helps the malnourished.

This is the Tyra Mail. Like, Tyra actually decided that it would be a good idea to superimpose her face onto, like the most famous face in the world. Watch out for next week where she superimposes herself into Jesus and all the Apostles in The Last Supper, leaving Naomi Campbell in the face of Judas. Ok, that was random, I hope my facts are correct.

The Tyra Mail read: Be careful of how you roll. And Anya thinks it has something to do with the river.

And Dominique (in her natural make-up free state) questions, "Roll?"

Anya wins the challenge, again! Yay!

I love how Anya takes the time to wake people up! Yay!

Why the hell is Fatima purple? Is she like, half-Somalian, half-Ribena?

So they had a CoverGirl commercial. This time they had to speak Italian. The problem with it is that I don't think that the girls understand what they're saying, so when they show the real dialogue, it turned out to be pretty stupid.

Fatima's commercial was supposed to be the best but she didn't even look at the freaking camera! Well, except for the last part.

Of course, Tyra pokes fun at Fatima, which gives her an excuse to touch her boobs. You know, because she's such an inspiration.

Dominique was literally a tranny mess. And I don't mean it in a "haha" Christian kind of way. Her commercial sucked! It was worse than Jade's CoverGirl commercial! She didn't speak Italian, she said "BRAZILIA!" which was totally out of context, she sounded fake-ass. And she looks like she's ready to go to a funeral, as a corpse. But for some reason, the judges loved it because she had fun in the commercial. Urgh! Fucking Dominique!!

This thing has a one in 5 chance of becoming America's Next Top Model. The name on everybody's lips is gonna be DOMINIQUE!!

Seriously, she looks like she's constipated.

Whitney's starting to kind of annoy me. We get it, you're fat. It's hard to be fat in the modelling industry.

Anya was kind of meh in the commercials, and then they talked about her accent. So what if she doesn't have a normal accent! Aren't models supposed to be weird and stuff?

Speaking of weird, Lauren was so freaking awkward in the commercials. She's like Aileen Wuornos playing Charlize Theron. But then I kind of grew tired of her. She keeps on talking about how she's a rock/punk girl and loves wearing leather jackets. Ok, we get it! You like Avril Lavigne! You haven't listened to a Britney Spears song! You hate mainstream stuff, but apparently, you auditioned for ANTM. Hmm....

And poor Katarzyna! I mean, she's totally getting the no-personality-edit, but is trying her best to go against it. She gave a lesson to the panel on how to pronounce her name. It's pronounced like "car-tar-jer-nah". Simple, right? Well the judges just refuse to pronounce her name correctly. She's been called "katazerna", Neutrogena, and even Kazakhstan. Poor her.

And Tyra notes, "Hey! You're talking! You have personality!"

But she spoke Italian fluently, despite looking like a child prostitute.

So Tyra teaches Katarzyna on how to be coy and flirty, so she asks the girls to act coyly and flirtily. Dance, monkeys, dance!!

And Lauren doesn't do it, because she's a rebel and is currently listening to Girlfriend in her head. Rock on!

"Lauren! Sometimes, top models have to be goofy!" Yeah, if goofy involves throwing cell phones and convulsing at the scent of Vaseline.

And so Lauren pretends to be coy. I'm sure Avril would be proud!

And so Tyra thanks and dismisses Kata...

"Kata- what?" She asks flirtily and coyly...

"Whatever, darling..." Seriously, that's what she actually said. Ok, firstly I really think that's insulting to her name.

A very rare screenshot of Tyra in her natural facial expression.

So Lauren gets kicked off. Rightly so, but I cannot Dominique outlasted her! It's so unfair! I have to admit I hated her during the castings.

And immediately loved her after her makeover.

Goodbye, heroin-eyed model! Fly! Fly high against the sky! So high you almost touch the sky!

Five girls remain! Kick Dominique out, PLEASE!!!

Top Of The World

I have finally.
Finally! Given my one week notice.

I have to admit, it's getting really tiring actually.

I have discovered something amazing!

Finally, a new Ugly Betty episode. Surprisingly, it's very very very mediocre and boring! I'm sorry, but Betty's and Henry's storyline is getting really really boring. Amanda wasn't funny. The Wilhelmina and sis storyline is getting boring. I hope they step it up!

School has been amazing!!

Friday was stupid. Stupid. Dumb. Pathetic. I wanna jam a fork in your hand and scream "YOU SMUG FUCK!"

I think I broke the wings of a little songbird
I'm never gonna fly to the top of the world

Monster

Urgh! You know what happened just now? I was being flashed at!!!

So actually I was walking along outside the Tampines MRT station with a few friends and I was walking next to two female friends. And I was minding my own business and all and I noticed this guy, and he was kind of suspicious looking because he kept on looking around and so I made sure my wallet/handphone/other stuff were still in my pocket. And so we kept on walking and I kind of forgot about him until I saw him ahead and he was facing us and I saw a dick hanging out of his shorts! I think it was intended for the girls and I just HAD to look! Then he just placed it back in and moved ahead at the traffic light toward TM. And seriously, I was so traumatized I just stood there and apparently, nobody saw it except me! So it's like as if I saw a UFO and they didn't believe me!! I was so freaking scared lah that he might do something or whatever I didn't wanna go further. Then when he was crossing the road he actually touched a woman's cheek and the woman just walked away quickly.

I had to laugh it off.

Urgggghhhhhh!!! I have been violated!!!

I totally feel dirty and used!

ANTM Recap: Lemon & Lime = Fierce!

I've been busy! With work, school, catching up on sleep, printing notes, being flashed. More on that later...

So last week's episode was a recap. It was a recap on how awesome Amis and Marvita were! And also of course gave evidence to the fact that Anya rocks! And also that Dominique is still an ass who compares herself to Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King.

[Tyra voice]: Previously. On America's Next Top Model, Dominique is still an 80-year-old hot tranny mess who is still in the competition. One of life's biggest mysteries. Claire went home and nobody gave a crap because she drank her own breast milk.

So this week involves the girls anticipating on their upcoming overseas trip. Fatima is nervous because she's a refugee and needs travel documents, and lost her travel documents and needs to produce another one. So if she doesn't produce one before they need to leave, she will be eliminated. So the producers call her up and tell her that she has an appointment right on the day of the photoshoot. What a coincidence.

I'm just gonna skim through the episode. Photoshoot was about them pretending as if they're about to board a plane.

Ta-dah!

So after the photoshoot they go right straight into the hangar and all of a sudden, judges! Tyra! It's an impromptu elimination!

And the funny thing is that the wind was blowing Tyra's hair and it made her kind of evil.

Anya freaking rocks! She won the challenge and got to pose for 7-Up for their new Lemon & Lime flavour.

And she got $10,000!

And she was called first, even though honestly I don't really see the amazingness in the picture.

Lauren also rocks. Because she looks like she's on drugs, which somehow works.

I'm kind of OK with Katarzyna. She doesn't seem to get any airtime, which is sad!

Last time I used to love Whitney, now not so much. She seems very plain to me. And it's true that the way she speaks is like as if she's in a pageant.

Fatima, I don't really know about Fatima. Sometimes she looks semi-hideous...

Sometimes she looks so pretty! Maybe it's because this shot she looks fatter and not emaciated. So she wasn't present at the photoshoot because she had to get the travel documents.

I fucking hate Dominique siah! I don't know why the judges still keep her around! She's not entertaining at all!

And I can't believe they compared Domanique's picture to...

...this one! I mean, if you wanna make a Joanie reference regarding Domanique, at least show a snippet of the extracted teeth they pulled out!

And she looks like Glenn Close!

Poor Stacy-Ann is eliminated. Rightfully so.

And they're going to Rome!!!!

Jendela

Mas Selamat's report yesterday was really really dumb. I mean, no offense, I don't wanna get arrested or anything, but they just showed the window he escaped from and the animation on how the guards outside the cubical informed another guard who informed another guard who checked out the cubical to fund him MISSING!! JENG JENG JENG!!!! Ok that's so Malay. Anyway, the window's supposed to be grilled but apparently, the toilet was under renovation at one time and the grills were removed. After renovation, they forgot to replace the grills.

Urgh! My body says resign but my heart says no! Actually I just came back from work. Went to work after school. Work today was totally fun! Sat with fun people, then I was told to pick-up a KFC order at the lobby for the trainees. Waited for 30 mins before being told that actually you had to pick-up from the store. So after the training ended, the trainers ajak me eat KFC! Yay! Free dinner! And actually I was supposed to inform of my resignation but I didn't. I'll force myself to blurt it out tomorrow. So after that I'm on off until Saturday! Yay!

PS: E=MC2 rocks! I totally love Bye Bye! Go listen to it on Youtube or something!

First Day

First day of school! I didn't really get to see the whole of the class.

I have to resign, but I don't want to resign, but I have to. I've realized that I might go crazy if I continue. Oh well, everybody else I like is resigning anyway. The remains are majority the non-youths.

PROS
- Don't have to sit on a chair for hours on end staring at the screen while fucking idiots call in to complain about how they're dying of hunger. Firstly, see, tak pernah puasa kan? And secondly, people in Africa are dying of hunger in Africa and here you are complaining.

- No more asking people "Crispy Or Original?"

- Shut has become a bore. From what was supposed to be a place filled with so much youth has become a place where I'm practically the only person aged below 30. And usually if I go there I'm the only KFC person.

- No more MCs.

- I am free!


CONS
- Not financially independent.

- I haven't even reached my 1 month!

- And most of all, I have to leave the people. Sigh.



And I haven't even told them yet.

Ok have to go. Mas Selamat's report! 2 months too late! Gee.... I wonder why.

$13

Oh no! I'm right smack in the middle of a freaking crossfire and I didn't even realize that until 5 minutes ago! Great. I can be so oblivious.

Music Box

Today was fun. Tomorrow will be funner! Yay!

So anyway I heard that this week was Mariah Carey week, so yay! I thought that would never happen! So after I came home I actually sat through and watched American Idol. Yay! I finally know all the songs that these people sing! So anyway, here's my take on the performances.

David Archuleta: I seriously do not know what the deal is with him. I mean, is he really THAT good? I can't see the difference! And he doesn't really convey emotions in my opinion. Obviously he chose the right song When You Believe. Very Disney of him. I bet he's gonna have like, a role in High School Musical and then fight with Zac Efron to win Vanessa Slutgens' love, and then they have a singing contest or something. Also, he mentioned that he didn't eat on the performance day because he's always nervous. WTF!!! No offence, but if Tyra were to judge American Idol, she would say that he needs Pre-American Idol School.

Carly: I'm starting to like her less now. I mean, cliche song choice Without You. Also, she really does look like she's trying too hard and trying to be bubbly. She should've sang Everything Fades Away.

Syesha: Best of the women! Thank God she sang a song that not many people know, Vanishing! It's a pity America hates her.

Brooke: Also like Carly, starting to like her less. Also, cliche song choice Hero! I knew that somebody was gonna sing this song. Is it me, or was she like, shaking. And also, freaking boring for some odd reason! Don't play the piano anymore! A guitar is fine, but a piano forces you to sit down. She shoud've sang Music Box.

Kristy: She's this season's Sanjaya. Sang Forever. Eh. She sounds like her lover is gonna leave her for the Vietnam War or something.

David Cook: Ok, my favourite!!!!! What an odd choice, Always Be My Baby. But it was a little slow-paced.

Jason [Fidel] Castro: I've always hated him because the combination of his dreadlocks and his guitar and his laid-back attitude makes him look like a busker and also like he's high on something. Sang I Don't Wanna Cry. It was Ok, I guess.


Overall, I hated both Brooke and Carly for choosing cliche songs that are gonna be compared to Mariah.


PS: The Office new episode was amazing as usual. I have to say, I'm currently in love with Angela!!! She's like, this really anal conservative person who hates everybody. This episode was about Michael and Jan hosting a couple's dinner party and Michael was joking around with Jan that he's in hell and that Jan's the devil and stuff and Angela was like, "You shouldn't joke about that!" Hahaha! And then they were playing Celebrity Charades and Michael was like, "Ok, he goes on a cruise..." and then Jim says, "Katie Holmes!" and then Michael says, "No she's married to him..." and then Jim says, "Dawson's Creek!" and then all this while Angela's like, "Gimme a clue! A clue!"

OMG the best part was when he told Dwight the best line in months!!!!

"The thought of putting your beets inside my mouth makes me want to vomit." Hahaha!!! I love it!

I'm Still Waiting.

WTF lah! My mother wants me to quit when school reopens! I mean, she should've told me that two week ago before I even decided to go back to work!! Seriously, she puts words in my mouth and blames me on everything! Apparently, my brothers are such perfect creations. And I'm like the black sheep of the family. I'd already told her that when school reopens I'd probably be working maybe like, 3 times a week and see how it goes. And she's like, "Fine." And I recently found out that school starts next week and she's like, "How come all this while when I ask you when does school start you say 'I don't know'?" And I'm like, it's because I really didn't know! I freaking told her that it's at the end of this month. And now she's saying that my two brothers are so perfect and how they are doing so well in their lives.

I seriously want to like, scream and break down. Why the fuck do I want to go back to work????!!!! I don't get any pocket money during the holidays!!! When I go out, my mother gives me money!!! Then when we get into an argument, she'll give me an excuse that she's always giving me money when I need it!!! And then she makes me feel guilty!! And seriously, that makes me feel like I'm a freaking financial burden in the family!!! Seriously, it's so fucking unfair! So guess what? I decided to maybe make a little money!!!

And then she went on about how I think that she's a bad mother. Read: Put words in my mouth. Honestly, sometimes I think that I'm not worthy of being her son. Whatever. Everytime I do something, they always make an excuse. Just listen.

Urrggh! I'm just a fucked up person.

My Life Is Like... Urgh!

New episode of The Office!! The first in like, 3 months!! Shoot me up!!

Work. Work. Work.

Can't wait for Saturday.

I'm losing my voice! Holy crap!

Anyway, Idol Gives Back was kind of crappy. Seriously, the worst part was during the skit when Carrie Underwood was like flirting with Mike Delfino and then Teri Hatcher was like, "Fine, I'll steal your song!" And she actually sang Before He Cheats. I mean.... Yeah. That really happened. And then the second worst part was during the conversation between Miley Cyrus and Billy Crystal and apparently, this teenage girl is more popular than Billy Crystal. It's sad. But the best part was when Mariah Carey sang Fly Like A Bird. Yay! But it would've been better if she sang Hero.

Tomorrow!

No. 18

Yay! Mariah Carey has hit her 18th Billboard 100 #1 hit with Touch My Body! So this means that she has surpassed Elvis Presley who was previously tied with her with most #1 hits, and so she only needs two more to tie with The Beatles and three more to be the artist with most #1 hits. Yay!

And Madonna has released her 4 Minutes video. It's very "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind"-esque but the sexual thing going on between her and Justin Timberlake is so weird. Like, they actually look like a mother-son duo.

Ok I'm off to freaking work! It's been great! The only thing bugging me is the journey! I have to walk like, 2 km everyday just to get to the bus stop to catch the bus that directly goes to Toa Payoh.