My Stupidity

Hey! Guess what people?! I did the most stupidest thing ever! Like, beyond comprehension!

Ok, yesterday, Ms Neo spent two whole periods doing filing. Then, she taught us to like, open our files because our files was like, thos huge files that had this lever which you had to raise to open the ring thingies. So, we all thought that it was a complete waste of time, but Ms Neo said that there were some idiots who didn't know how to use this file. Today, when I wanted to do filing, I did it. I forced the ring thingies to open and when I opened it, I couldn't close it. This is the most stupidest thing I have ever done. Now I have to go and buy another file.

My brother went to Video Ezy and rented Moulin Rouge. He claims that he had to watch the movie because he's in some Movie Appreciation programme. Yah, that's what he says.

My Parents' Flight

My parents are gone. And I'm all alone. In this cruel sick world. My tagboard has gone crazy. I have too.

Had Chinese New Year concert just now and it was boring. The CO played and then, Ryan's mother (4U) stole the whole show and sang her lungs out. Funny! And there was this disgusting Temasek Primary School dance which was really risque. Izzati said that she wanted to dance with them. Umm.. Eww..

Ms Neo told us that we could decorate our files, in anyway we want. But we couldn't put raunchy photographs. I'm so going to decorate my files. I dunno, but all of a sudden, I love Geography and Social Studies! Can you believe that?!

My brother is now playing Mariah Carey music videos on the television in the living room, which is totally weird. But I like Mariah Carey. My mother used to like Mariah Carey before she turned into a breast-implant queen.

The Girl Who Loves Bubbles And Talks To Plants

Bubbles!

I hate Lisa and Coryn in this episode. Both of them sucked eggs! Coryn called Lisa an alcoholic bitch which was really rude. Grow up, Coryn! Lisa's gone nuts and is now best friends with Cousin It. Jayla tried to act like Elyse, which was a really bad impersonation. Nik was as orange as ever in the photo. Kyle and Nicole were totally boring when they were hosting that countdown. Bre sucked, as usual. Kim's a lesbian. And eventually, they got rid of the man (Coryn).

My father was schocked when Coryn called Lisa an alcoholic bitch. I'm even shocked that they're going tomorrow.

My cousin has ajaked me to go watch a movie. And I thought like, we would be going to Memoirs of a Geisha or something, but instead, she wants to go to this unknown foreign movie called La Journey or something like that. Seriously, I'd rather watch my hair grow.

As my homepage is Yahoo, I saw a headline which said "Model Kate Moss plans tell-all memoir". And they have a picture of her with her weird crazy eyes to prove that she's weird. I think it's going to be called "Memoirs of a Cocaine-Snorting Supermodel". And she's going to have her face on the cover snorting coke. I dunno. That's my assumption.

My Shocking News

I am in shock! No, my mother didn't tell me that she had retinitis pigmentosa and that she's going to be blind in 5 years time.

Shock #1: My parents are going to Jakarta on Friday.
Shock #2: They're going there for 9 days!

9 days! 9 days! That's so long! How will I ever survive in this poverty-stricken country without my parents. I'm going to wake up on a school day realising that my parents are millions of light-years away from me. Ya, I know it's going to be fun without my parents, but 9 days is too long. I'll feel scared. Like, as if some pontianak is going to bite my neck when I'm alone at night. And what will I eat? I'm not going to eat instant noodles everyday. I'm going to cook my own food. What if I suddenly collapse and my brothers aren't at home? My body's going to decompose for 9 days. 9 days! 9 DAYS! I mean, if it's during the CNY weekend, it's OK. But 9 days! I don't really know why they're going there. Probably go visiting I think. I think I have relatives there or something. But 9 days! What if I have like, heart failure or something. My parents are going to take like, one day to reach here. 9 days! I don't really want to sleepover at my aunties' house because I would have to bring everything there, even though one of my auntie's house is like, walking distance from my school and like, I could wake up at 7 every morning. But then it would be too awkward. Because they are constantly in their rooms doing their own stuff i.e. sleeping. I am so scared. Then, on Monday I have to go to the mosque to witness the shaving of my cousin's daughter's head, which is totally bizarre. Can I just temporarily die on Monday so I don't have to go? It's just hair. 9 days! I'm still traumatized! What if I oversleep? My mother usually forces me to wake up when I feel lazy. But 9 days!

9 days!

Too traumatized to do anything. I'm just speechless.

My Sleepy Day

Today the whole class was really sleepy and blah. I mean, seriously. Maybe it's because of the post-excursion depression or something. Or maybe it's those 3-D movies.

First was Physics and Mr Eng was his usual self. Can't elaborate too much because this is a website and anyone could read this.

Next was Malay and we had to do this worksheet. Kinda boring.

After that was Chemistry and I'm confused. Who's my Chemistry teacher? Is it Mrs Tay or Mr Chooi? Because Mr Chooi is now teaching us theory. The class was like, sleepy and such.

English was the funniest ever! Ok, Mdm Audra asked us if we knew what 'excess denied' meant. But we all thought that she said 'access denied'. So we all thought that it was like, typing the wrong password or something. It took me about 2 minutes to realise that it was totally lame. Then, someone in the class, which I will not be naming, picked his nose in public. I mean, I didn't see it, but Mdm Audra saw it and she got the shock of her life! Seriously, pick your nose privately.

Thought I heard Mr Yong's voice at the parking lot last night from my room, with his drony pronounce-s-as-th voice. When, I looked out, I couldn't see anyone. Oh my God he lives near me!

My Field Trip

Just came back from school excursion, which was super fun, although the place that we went to was super boring. Oh the irony!

Well, our class went for our 'Learning Journey' today and we went to Singapore History Museum and the Asian Civilisation Museum. The bus ride was like, the craziest bus ride I've ever been. Everyone was taking photos of ourselves even in the highway. Mostly posed like Nicole in the Bollywood photoshoot. Everyone thought I was mad. Then, we sang songs out loud. Reached at the Singapore History Museum and the boringness started.

We went to this theater which featured this guy whose wife died or something then he told his grandson the reason why there are joss sticks. What the hell does that have to do with Singapore's history?! Then, we had this funny 3-D movie which tried to entertain us with their 3-D effects by throwing dustbin lids to us, visually.

While waiting for the bus, Nani had an unglam moment in which I will not go into detail because I'm already tired. Took bus. The bus ride was a little less rowdy. Reached Asian Civilisation Museum and it was boringness to the extreme. We had to do stupid worksheets which had questions like, "What colour do you think envy symbolises?" Umm... purple? I mean, what the hell does that have to do with Asian civilisation? Outside the museum we saw this couple who had their wedding photoshoot there. The woman looked like she was only covered by a towel and I'm really surprised there weren't any mothers-in-law. 4R also had a photoshoot and we tried to make a star, which didn't turn out so well.

Been reading Ms Neo's website and people have been commenting about how stupid the rule book is and blah blah blah. I mean, they really say that it's just socks and that the school is over-reacting that we're wearing ankle socks and the complaining goes on and on. You wanna know what I think? JUST FUCKING WEAR YOUR SOCKS ABOVE THE ANKLE BONE! Stop complaining! You should be fortunate enough that you have a kind principal who gives coffee to her colleagues and that you can wear coloured shoes. And they're also saying that ankle socks won't affect your studies. Hello?! They affect other people's perception on our school, you stupid no-brain people! Thank God nobody from 4R complained too. I'm thinking of starting this union where members of the union wear knee-high socks, like those British schoolgirls. That would be fun, wouldn't it? Any applicants?

Ok, that's all that I have to blog about. Goodbye everyone! Till next time, I bid my farewell to everyone who's reading my blog. Love ya! I still haven't done my homework and I'm super hungry. Now I kind of want waffles. Don't worry. Next week.

My Bloody Sunday

I couldn't think of any titles. Seriously. Oh and I did not bleed, nor did I drink blood.

First, I was reading Memoirs in my room when all of a sudden, my mother went to take a peek and gasped like as if I was reading a porn magazine or something. Then, she just snatched it and was analyzing every bit of Zhang Ziyi's face and she looked at me and said, "You can borrow it from the library you know! You just wasted $16!" Like, I'm using my pocket money to buy stuff that is good for your brain, and not junk.

Did Math the whole day except when I was reading. Yay! Anyway, my mother had this talk to me and asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. She keeps on telling me about this guy she knows who became a gynaecologist, a person who studies the female reproduction system. What the? She wants me to help deliver babies and talk to patients about their 'down there' part? And how come I have never met this guy my mother constantly talked about. Then, she told me to try to take up courses that involve science in it. Sigh. I'd rather be a geisha.

My Bad Neighbourhood

I think I might be living in some ghetto neighbourhood or something. I mean, seriously. Today, I wanted to go to the shops to buy Hichew, which I am totally addited to. So went there. And when I went to the cashier, the shopkeeper, whose a woman in her early 20s, was reading a magazine. I waited for about 10 seconds and she was still reading it, while eating Pocky sticks strawbery flavoured. Then, I cleared my throat really loudly. She looked up with the most pissed face ever imagined and she gave me the change. A message to the shopkeeper auntie: "You're a stupid, stupid bitch. I really hope you read this." Walked to the lifts. Found out that there was pee inside both of the lifts. Had to drag myself up the stairs to the second floor where I live.

Bought a novel. It is called 'Memoirs of a Geisha'. It's such an erotic novel. Ok, when Zhang Ziyi was small, she saw her sister's boyfriend playing with her breasts. Wow! Who would ever thought that conservative Asians would do such a thing.

There's like this whole wasteland near my house. I think there might be snakes or polar bears or chimps or Big Foots. I think I might explore the place. Or maybe I'll just ride a bike to Changi Village or Changi Prison or something. I need to explore the place where I live, do you know what I mean?

The Girl Who Gets A Boob Job

Janice! Janice! And more Janice!

Sigh, if only Janice faced Tyra. She would slap her till she needs a boob job.

Diane got eliminated. Who? The fat one. My mother calls her fat and asks me why she's in this competition. Actually she's not that fat. She looks fat because she's in a flock of anorexic models.

Need to buck up on my English. Maybe I shall buy novels and stuff. Maybe I'll buy Memoirs of a Geisha with Zhiyi Zhang (that's what Americans call her) on the cover with a complete white make-up and bright blue eyes. What kind of Asian gets bright blue eyes?

Or maybe I shall buy Lion, Witch and Wardrobe. Nah! Too childish.

Don't feel like talking about ANTM.

My Crappy Talk

Today, I was like, talking crap for my Geog project. I mean, seriously! Well, the rest of my teammates were like, scared to talk in front of the whole class, so I just blabbered and blabbered and blabbered and the whole class laughed. Omg I'm funny! Yay!

Nothing to blog about. I'm now in a depressed state because I didn't attend CCA yesterday because I had to do the project and Ms Woon was like, "This will be the last time you skip CCA. Just because you're Sec 4 doesn't mean you don't need to come for CCA." It was like some sort of prophecy. I mean, so many people don't go to Enterprise every week and she doesn't complain. Why me? And I didn't skip. I was in the library all along, doing Geog. And she said that CCA is more important than studies. Huh?! Sigh. I wish I was in Chinese Orchestra or something. Shirley said that nobody cares if you skip.

My Plastic Note

Hey guess what?! I have a $2 plastic note! Yeah! I think it's rare or something. I hope they don't really change all the paper notes to plastic. It gives the plastic notes a rarity value.

Ok, whatever... Anyways, didn't realise how tough it is to write an exciting speech. I shall listen to Morning Digests in future, no matter how boring they are.

Mrs Tay (Chem teacher) is in the hospital and is coming back after Chinese New Year. Mr Chooi used to replace us but now, there's this woman called Mrs Carol Chan and she's as boring as death. And she addresses people by "Young man" and "Young woman".

BTW Watched Project Runway last night and was shocked! They didn't really have a runway, they just had a white version of a red carpet. And Wendy's daughter was as freaky as ever! Her stare is like, death itself! I'd bet she would make a great sociopath.

Life is getting boringer.

My Never-Ending Homework

Ahhhh!!!

I have like, millions of homework to do and here I am, blogging.

I'm going to do Morning Digest with Izzati and I literally need my mother's help. Haha, well, it's a topic where you need your parents' help. I'll keep the topic to myself to give people suspense...

Nobody's at home.

Boring.

Lame.

WHAT PATSY SAID

• Were were talking about tourism and Ms Neo said, "If you go to Thailand and get breast implants, you would still be considered a tourist." Heehee!
• Forgot

Ms Neo was kind of scolding the whole class because Marco talked too much. Actually, she was only scolding Marco, but she tried to cover it up by scolding the whole class.

My Cramps

I've suddenly got like, cramps that really happens unexpectedly. I think I might be suffering from PMS. First, I was riding my bike to Loyang Point when all of a sudden, I had cramps and just fell on the spot. Two people were there and they didn't give a damn whether I survived the fall or not.

Then, when I was cleaning the bathroom, I had cramps and just quickly went to the dining room to sit down. No!! I don't wanna be the guy from The Hot Chick.

There were some rupiah coins on my father's desk and I mistook them for silver chocolate coins! Seriously, they're so light, it could be easily forged or something. No wonder there's so much forgery in Indonesia.

My Saturday Afternoon

Couldn't think of a title entry. Boring.

A Maths is starting to get really hard. And Mr Yong explains at super-speed, which is kind of irritating. I never thought I would say this, but I miss Ms Chia. Sigh.

Found out that geisha means a tea-ceromony entertainer or whatever. Now I don't wanna watch the movie. Seriously, I thought that a geisha is like, a female samurai who seduces their male enemies and kills them right before they make love.

ANTM 1 went to Paris, ANTM 2 went to Milan, ANTM 3 went to Tokyo, ANTM 4 went to Cape Town, ANTM 5 went to London and ANTM 6 is going to Bangkok. Well, actually they already went. And I can bet you that Tyra is going to cast an Asian girl. Then, the Asian girl is going to feel special and all that at Thailand and then she ticks some girl off until she says, "OHH MYY GOODDDDD!!! SHUUUUUTT UUUPPPPP!!!" But why in the blue hell Bangkok?! I thought it's full of transverstites and prostitutes and stuff? Please, Tyra! Come to Singapore!

Tag.

My Student Handbook

Got the student handbook. Opened it. Saw Ryan's face on the first page. Speechless.

The format is nice but the printing kind of sucked. I just said that phrase and the whole world is against me. Well, the handbook has like one-page photos and you can't really see the people's faces. I mean, they could just greyscale the photo right? Or have another better printing company to do it. That's why I was PMSy during Maths. Also it's because of my stupid ulcer. It's like, the biggest ulcer I've ever had... EVER! I hate this.

Oh Btw, my 'O' Levels is one day after my birthday (OCTOBER 29). I don't want presents but at least wish me happy birthday. That would be sweet, because nobody really wishes me happy birthday. Sad, but true.

So put my birthday (29 OCTOBER) on your handbook, even if you hate me. Thanks. I'll try to remember your birthday.

The Girl With The Disclaimer

It's like, raining like shit. And I don't mean that as a literal statement. Did this physical test and just wanted to die. Seriously!

Anyway, last night's episode was really boring because they never showed the parts where Kim and Sarah made out under the blankets. I mean it! Seriously!

Wasn't a huge fan of Sarah. Cassandra went home and everyone celebrated. Tyra and Wendy Pepper teamed up to make the most diabolical plan in the fashion industry. Tyra instructed Wendy to make for Sarah the glitzy gown and the huge headdress that Vegas showgirls wear and Wendy orders Sue Wong to make Sarah wear it or else her daughter's going to send to Sue Wong lots and lots of paintings. Of course, Sue Wong didn't decline the offer.

Kim's proof that she really is a lesbian.



Kim: I'm a lesbian!
Sarah:Oh I'll make out with you anytime!



And they did...



Awww... this is so cute. Eating breakfast together...



...After a night of making out under the blankies.



Kyle's sad that they were torn apart from Tyra the Evil Bitch.



Meanwhile, Tyra shows off her fats in front of the whole world.




Spot the difference!



1, 2, 3... BAM!



1, 2, 3... BAM! Practise it in the mirror. It's really fun!

My Lateness

I've been blog-hopping just now and I had the urge to slap some people out of their world of delusion. Seriously.

Ok, well, the day started of bright and early. Woke up to a fresh start and remembered to bring my tie because there was going to be an individual 'photoshoot' for everyone today. Notice the aprostaphes (sp?) and if only you could transmit sarcasm over the internet. Anyway, I took 21 to the bus stop after Tampines Stadium and 3 bus 10s passed by and they were jam-packed with students. Met Shamsydar at the bus stop along with her cats that she keeps inside her massive bag. I suggested we take a cab, but she said that she had no money. Then I asked her where she put her Hari Raya money, and she was like, "You received money?!" Wow. I'm very fortunate. Ya, even though I only received like, $50, it's still money you know. It's so weird that my family's the only people that gives away cash. Anway, we boarded a SINGLE-decker bus at 7:20.

Reached school at 8 and Mr Cuthbert told us to complain to SBS. He didn't take down our names, which is quite bizarre. Went to class and I was anticipating cheers or questions being shot at me like "OMG what happened?" or "How come you so late?" or "Are you OK?" or "Did you kena punish?" but the only person who talked to me was Nani who was telling me that she took a cab with Nazurah. If only I took a cab. I was so terasa.

Photo-taking is indescribable.

Watched Project Runway on Monday and Wendy Pepper is the freakiest kid I've known! Second was me! Seriously, she sent a painting to the judges and I bet one of them is going to be like, "It looked like my cat ate a ball of yarn and chewed it out!". Anyways, she seriously could audition for The Exorcist or Hide and Seek or could act as Sadako. Because. She. Talks. Sentence. By. Sentence. And they call her cute. They must have been hypnotised or something.

Stupid commercials! Now I feel like watching Memoirs of a Geisha!

My Three Lunches

My neighbourhood is literally full of shit! And I mean that as a literal statement!

This all happened when I was coming home from school one day when I smelt shit. Then, in the middle of the void deck of the block next to me, lay 3 yellowish-brown droppings. Ok, I shouldn't mention its details no more. Anyway, I find it quite weird because animals have the courtesy to shit on the grass. Then, when I was coming home from Loyang Point the next day, under my flat, was another pile of shit. I had to avoid that. I was assuming that the animal had diarrhea or something. Then, the next day, I took the stairs when I needed to go to the shop and thank God I saw what was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs - SHIT! I mean, I had to go up and take the lift down from the 2nd floor. Everytime I go down, it's like a game of hopscotch because you'll have to really jump around to avoid the shit. My mother thinks it's a cat. My father thinks it's a dog and said that we can report to the police. And what? Sentence the dog to life imprisonment? I think it's a human being because like I said, dogs and cats shit on the grass. They're civilised animals, unlike humans.

Ok, I think I've become a real glutton. I mean, I ate 3 lunches! All during the period of 2 hours. So, after school, decided to eat lunch at school. Ate Kuay Teow Hongkong. Then, when I was going home, I stopped by Mac at White Sands to get McChicken. Went home and ate. 10 minutes later, felt hungry, went to Mac at Loyang Point to buy Fillet-o-Fish. Next thing you'll know I'll be on TAF Club.

Yay! Taggers! If you come to my blog, please tag. It's common courtesy. Thanks.

My New Tagboard

What the hell is wrong with my computer?! I can't go to Photobucket or Shoutmix. Like, that's so stupid.

Patsy Neo's so funny! Hee! Every week I'm going to have a segment called "What Patsy Said".

WHAT PATSY SAID

• Ms Neo asked Shaun to rub the board. He does with his left hand. Ms Neo asks if Shaun is left-handed. Shaun says yes. Ms Neo says, "You know, they say that left-handed people are very intelligent. But of course, there are exceptions." Ha!
• Ms Neo told us about this travel-mate whom she went to Egypt with during the holidays and since Egypt is dusty, the travel-mate kept on cleaning her suitcase. Ha!
• On board: My name is Ms Neo. Please do not touch my fish. Ha!
• She gave us target setting and told us to write what we wanted to be when we grow up. She says, "Please be realistic. If you are a boy, please don't put 'air stewardess'. You need sex change first." Ha!
• Ms Neo asks us to do this brainstorm on the board and write all that's got to do with SS. Joanna suggested this rude word and Ms Neo wrote 'GNS' on board. She says, "Eh, later don't go to other class and say 'You GNS ah'!" Funny! and only 4Rers will get the joke.

Nobody comes to my blog. Sad.

My Twisted Computer

What the hell is wrong with my computer? It's gone bonkers!

Please do me a favour. Go to these two websites and see if you can get into it. Then, comment, don't tag. But comment at the end of the post.

PHOTOBUCKET
SHOUTMIX

Thank you.

My Unfantastic Rice Burger

Double post. OMG Ebony blogged. Cool!

Oh well, anyways, the new principal has been strict from today onwards. She has banned shoes except for white, black, dark blue and gray. What is this, prison? And the principal looks like a kindergarten teacher, seriously. No offence.

I don't really know what is wrong with my computer. I can't really get to Photobucket. The window just blanks. There must be a virus or something. Please tag and tell me if you can go to the photobucket website. Thanks!

Became a greedy pig again and went to McDonald's at 3 even though I already ate lunch at 1.15. Wanted to try the Fan-tastic Burger. It's just plain rice that's pressed together. And when you open it it just crumbles. And the beef is actually like, gravy cooked with cabbage like, Chinese-style, I think. And it costs $3.00. What a ripoff! I mean seriously! I'd rather cook myself. So don't buy it, people.

The Girl Who Needs A Miracle

Hi! ANTM last night was great. I mean, I was like, Oh Em Gee when they told me that I'll get braids down to my waist to represent my people. I mean, like, 13 hours in that chair while weaveologists braid my hair is simply amazing! Like, I told them, "Don't Get it Twisted!" because if you get it twisted, I wouldn't look FEIRCE! I also had to tolerate 13 hours of whining by Miss Beauty Queen slash sociopath Cassandra! I mean, this is an oppurtunity of a lifetime and so, you musn't get it twisted! So Don't Get it Twisted!

Lisa's Ok. It's just that she never got any motherly love and pherhaps her mother got it twisted! I mean, why did I ever pick her as my partner! I'd rather have Cassandra! I mean, she's messin' with my mind! Oh, and I've also got big ta-tas and she doesn't have any lady lumps. Maybe it's a neglected daughter thing. I dunno. And stupid Jay tells me that I look like a dead carcass on a fence. WTF is that supposed to mean?! And his skin tone is so orange, and his hair colour is so indescribable that maybe it's a new colour! I mean, seriously, I should tell him not to Get it Twisted! Anyway, isn't a carcass dead?! What a stupid, stupid twisted bitch.

Was kind of expecting Cassandra to go but she got called out first. And I was in the final two with Diane. Of course, I got it twisted and got eliminated because Tyra said that maybe it's just a dream. Shut up, fattie! And she said that I look like a person who teaches models to model. Well, I'm gonna have to teach her a thing or two. Seriously, Oprah wannabe. She totally got it twisted! And thank god Channel 5 didn't cut the part where I was imitating Cassandra with the puppet dolls. Phew. Well, they didn't get it twisted!

So Don't Get it Twisted, Ok?!

Well, there's this guy from Singapore that kind of looks like me, his name is Hakim BTW. Anyway, he went to school and he told me that he's now 172 cm, which is like, 5"7' which is considered kind of short in the modelling world. And he was 165 cm last year so he grew by 7 cm in one year, which is totally untwisted! Oh well, Kate Moss is the size of a midget (5"5') and I'm 5"10'. That's ok, because he'll never get it twisted.

My Phunny Teachers

Sorry I haven't blogged for quite a while. There was a lot of bugs in my computer and my father used insecticide to spray my computer.

I must say that being a Sec 4 is really really weird. You feel happy and scared at the same time. Happy because you're older than the majority. Scared because of my O Levels, which is really round the corner.

Some of my teachers have changed. Ms Patsy Neo is teaching us Humanities (Elec Geog and SS). Mrs Tay is teaching us Chem. Mdm. Audra is teaching us English and Mr Yong teaching Maths. Unfortunately, our Physics teacher is still Mr Eng. Stupid shit. I want Murbarak!

First period was Ms Neo and she was super funny! Hee! Nicknamed Shaun Mr. Sarcasm and Marco the half-sentence man. Next was malay, which was really weird because Cikgu Nora was acting like my mother and lecturing us. After that was Mrs Tay and she's super lame. Well, she's kind of funny, but most of it's lame. But I don't really understand why my classmates roll on the floor laughing. Recess. Mr Yong. Lives. Near. Me. Seriously. Well, he's the kind of person that can't pronounce 's'. So he'll call Izzati 'Iyyati'. A bit funny, but kind of rude. He called science teachers 'crazy'. After that was Mdm Audra. Thought that she was boring but actually she's kind of funny. She told the whole class that her mother liked insulting her. Poor Lisa. And when she comes up with anecdotes, she talks in a weird Hindustan accent. Other than that, she talks like an English professor. Seriously, she has a store full of colourfull adjectives! Hee! She said that.

Didn't realise that there was drama in my school. I'll just have to stay out of it and be neutral. Cos' I don't want no drama. No no no no drama. No no drama. No no no no drama.

Oh BTW something happened to my tagboard. It's temporary unavailable.

I have decided to start singing tomorrow. I don't care if I can't sing or dance. I'm going to sing. Ya, I've officially gone nuts!

My Unhappy New Year

Waaaaaooowwww!

I came back from Johor. Actually, I came back on the same day I left, so it was a one-day thing. The whole causeway was full of idiot drivers who wanted to cut the queue but then the traffic police was there, so they got in trouble. So, me and my cousins and my uncle killed time by counting how many of the stupid drivers were there. So, we reached there at 10 but the shopping centre full of pirated DVDs and games and cheap stuff were closed, so we had to go to another shopping centre which was full of women's clothing, so that my mother and her auntie could shop till they drop. After that blah blah blah went to the shopping centre to find out that all the CSI DVDs didn't have any stock, and the guy wanted my father to buy Alias, which he pronounced as 'Ee-lias' instead of 'Ay-lious'. Bought a couple of movies. I wanted to buy Emily Rose and my father agreed but somehow he didn't buy it. My brother got this 50 Cent movie. Then, we went to the game shop to buy PS2 games. I bought a PC game called The Movies! Yes! It's like Sims 2, except that you control the studio and the directors and the actors, everything! So, went to eat at this place called Sedap Corner when suddenly, my brother made up the most unfunniest joke ever! He said, "What if we put an 'o' in between 'r' and 'n' in corner?" It took me about 30 seconds to figure out that it meant 'coroner'. I mean seriously, if he said that when he's doing stand-up comedy, he's going to get egged! After that, went to shop for clothes. My mother was questioning my taste. There was this white shirt that had matrix-like thingys falling down the sleeve. I liked it, but my mother was like, "It looked like my cat just ate a ball of yarn and spitted it out!" And the size was so difficult. I tried on the M size and it was too small, so I tried on the L size and it was too big. So what am I? XM? In the end I bought two baggy L shirts which didn't have matrix-like thingys falling down the sleeve. I also bought a wallet. That place was a 100 times better than Tampines Mall. I mean, seriously, and their store design is so cool. The shop that I shopped in had an ice-cream truck as their cash counter. Went back. My cousin kept on bugging me to let him listen to my music, so I let him. He was laughing at Confessions of a Broken Heart because Lindsay Lohan kept on saying "Daughter to Father!". He then asked me what kind of song La Tortura is, so I said that it was an Arab song and he believed me. Kids can be conned in many different ways I can tell you.

Came back at 8. Tried Movies which was super cool. Slept through the countdown. Woke up realising it's 2006. Cried because it's my O Level year. My New Year's Resolution will be to be a robot when I'm in school. I am so going to process every single word that comes out of the teacher's mouth and write it down in my notebook.

Anyway, we went to my auntie's house to celebrate the new year and my cousin's b'day (28 Dec). Went to Tampines first to pick up the cake. I was hungry, so I wanted to buy Old Chang Kee, which made my parents go 'Ewwwwww'. She thinks it's non-halal, even though there's a halal cert right in front of the sneeze-guard. Then it was like me and my brother vs. my parents. In the end we won thanks to me because my father bought fries and I refused to eat it. I hated fries anyway. So my mother gave me $5 to spend on whatever I wanted. My brother asked me to buy a curry puff and one breaded prawn stick. Why I blog about irrelevent stuff I really do not know!

Reached there. My mother and my auntie went for, what we call a makeover at the salon. They came back with their hair shortened. My mother looks really weird. She has her hair super curly and short, which isn't really nice. But everyone had to say that it was nice. Had to leave at 8.30 because my mother's Indonesian soap opera was on at 9. It was kind of funny and very soapy. But those people talk so fast that you hardly understand them. Thank God for subtitles.

School starts tomorrow. Bye, fun!

My Earwig Incident

I went beserk in my room yesterday and screamed and shouted and cried. Ok, it all happened when I was reading my textbooks trying to remember what I had learnt this year. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, this thing flew on my hair. So I shook my head and went hysterical. Thank God nobody was there. Then, the earwig landed on my bed. Then, it flew all over the place. People say that earwigs go into your ear and lay eggs in your brain. Stop laughing, because this is no laughing matter. I didn't know earwigs live in Singapore. Shit! I slept with my eyes opened and my ears closed during the whole night because I couldn't find the earwig. Who knows? What if I wake up to find out that my brain is a birthplace for a couple of insects?

Well, people are going on holiday during the holidays. Some may be going to America to see Tyra Banks. Some may be going to Britain to see Naomi Campbell. Some might go to Brazil to see Gisele Bundchen. Some might go to Germany to see Heidi Klum. Well, I'm going to Johor on Saturday and Sunday to buy some DVDs. Great. I get to celebrate New Years Day with a bunch of pickpocketers.

Oh BTW poll on who you think will become America's Next Top Model. No more pretty-gene girl along with her trusty sidekick, I-Bags.

And friggin tag. I know you come to my blog to laugh at my misery, but at least leave a comment or something.

The Girls Become Superheroes

What's so similar about hairdressers and Channel 5? They cut, a lot!

I was kind of irritated by my long hair and it touches my eyes and sooner or later, I'll get retinitis pigmentosa before you know it. So, I decided to cut my hair. I now regret it. I have this stupid weird hairstyle. There's lots of hair in my fringe and they totally shaved my sides. It's like as if I wore a beret when I cut my hair.

These are the parts where Channel 5 cut:
1. The part where Kim and Sarah make out in the limo. And it was so obvious that Channel 5 cut the scene.
2. The part where they showed a framed photo of Yoanna in her first ever photoshoot (Garden of Eden). Then, Ebony was saying that it was her very first photoshoot.
3. The part where Kim announced that she was a lesbian who was in an open relationship. Then, Sarah said that she would make out with Kim. This was before the make-out session in the limo FYI.
4. The part where Nicole shouted "This is models gone wild!"

Sheesh. And to think that they have Tab TV right before the show.

My mother asked me who the winner is. I didn't say anything.

Oh, and did you know that Kim is a lesbian?

Hated Ashley and her eyebags. Glad to see her go. Everyone was expecting Sarah to go, but Angelina managed to stay. Yay! More making out scenes.

My Cheesy Creation

Great. School starts in one week. I'm half excited, half groaning. My hair is like, really long and my mother told me to cut it before the school re-opens. But I feel like a rebel, so I'll cut on Tuesday. I also want to see the reaction of the new principal's face when she sees rebels like me.

My cousin's daughter isn't called Hafizah! Yay! I mean, Hafizah is such an unglam name (according to my cousin). No offence to all the Hafizahs in the world. My brother tricked me. I'm such a gullible fool. My family has a reputation of naming babies with sophisticated and unique names, like Elysia, Izz, or Nazihah. Haha! Yes, that's the name of the new baby, Nazihah. Like, as in, hail Hitler + laugh. Went to see her yesterday and she looks like any other baby. She was sleeping like a baby (duh!) when we came. Apparently, my cousin gave birth to the baby via caesarian birth. Like, cut up the tummy to get the baby. My mother gave caesarian births to all three of us brothers, so they were discussing the pain of being a woman. My cousin said that it really hurts when she coughs after the operation. Thank god I'm not a pregnant woman. No wonder the birth rate is declining. My cousin's husband gave a blow-by-blow account on what happened during the birth. I was about to faint, seriously.

After that, my whole family wanted to go eat this weird dish called Ayam Penyet. Direct translation is actually flat chicken. Went to Changi and that was the first time my whole family stepped foot in Changi Village. Seriously, it's so near to our house and we haven't even been there. Shame on us. BTW we passed Changi Prison on the way. Changi Prison is really near to my house. A sociopath could just climb up the huge fence, run up to my house and stab me 154 times. Well, I was kind of expecting a lot of drag queens, but we met my late uncle's adopted daughter whose now with her real parents. She looks so different. My cousin didn't know who she was. I didn't too. Blah blah blah, after that, we sat next to this guy who was really really depressed. He looked like he was about to kill himself and he was drinking beer. About every 10 minutes, this waitress who's older than my mother came to him and poured beer from the bottle to his mug. Then, when the bottle is empty, she would get another bottle for him. Haha! I live neer Hooters. The food was OK. It's really really near my house. I think my house is nearer to Changi Beach than it is nearer to Tampines.

Now everybody in my family (i.e. my family, my cousins, my aunties, my uncles, etc.) kind of hate my cousin and his mother. Ok, here's the thing. My cousin (Sec 1 next year) got in Damai Secondary, which is the same school as my other cousin. My Sec 1 cousin's mother asked my other cousin if Damai Secondary has the subject "Arab Language". Hahaha! Funny! It's because my Sec 1 cousin is a religious teacher-wannabe. He likes singing songs about the islamic alphabet and the islamic months. I mean, who the hell sings that during their free time? And during Hari Raya when we all gathered at my uncle's house, I was looking at a photo album of my uncle and his wife when they went to Mekkah. Suddenly, he was over my shoulder and he was like, "I've been there done that! And he was bragging about how enlightening his journey was to Mekkah!" Ya, I'll go when I'm fully matured, unlike him. And when he got back from Mekkah, he keeps on wearing a songkok. My mother told me that my cousin's mother is going to send him to school everyday. My mother said that he's going to be the laughing stock of the whole school, which is kind of true.

BTW I think my culinary skills have increased dramatically. I tried to do something different and unique during lunch, so I decided to put cheese on my murtabak and fry it. It turned out to be delicious. I'm going to try to put hotdogs inside the murtabak next time.

My Bee Bee Cue

I met my primary school friend on Friday outside the mosque. He looked like he was 18 and I look like I'm 12. I mean, seriously, he looks like a bike fanatic or something. I can't believe I used to talk to him. Maybe it's because he smokes. I dunno. He stole my WWE cards and returned them only when I got sick of WWE cards. What an idiot I was.

I watched the Battle of the Reality Stars thingy only because of Brittany. But they didn't really interview Brittany. They had unknown people from unknown reality television shows. And there was Wendy Pepper and Austin Scarlett from Project Runway. And Austin was like the fashion corresspondent. Hahaha! Funny! And Brittany looked georgeous! She should have won. Seriously...

Yesterday my family had a barbecue. My auntie cooked most of the food and all of the food that she cooked was overburnt on the outside and undercooked in the inside. I seriously do not know how that could happen. Anyway, I got sick of eating charcoal and decided to cook things myself. Then, my uncle wanted some more chicken wings so I had to be the stupid cook. I ended up cooking to perfection and everybody was praising me. I also invented a really cool recipe. You just barbecue some potatoes in aluminium foil. Then, you add mozarella cheese and cream cheese on it (lots of it) and microwave for 30 seconds. It tastes so good, you'll swear it's candy.

My cousin sleptover at my house yesterday and now everyone's at my house. Seems like my house is like a hotel and I'm supposed to entertain them. Hahaha!

My other cousin from my other side just gave birth and has named their daughter Hafizah! Hafizah! I'm so jealous! Why? Because my brother's name is Hafiz! Ya, I know, you can't name a girl Hakimah, but still, can't she just name her daughter Cassandra or Tyra or something. Anything other than Hafizah!

My Plead To Insanity

It is official. My parents hate me. My mother scolded me for not waking my brother up to go to 'work'. I mean, I'm not a babysitter, you know. Then, my parents were watching TV in the TV room and I was in the lounge room reading a book, and my mother asked me if I wanted chocolate. I asked what kind of chocolate (like, chocolate ice-cream, Cadbury's chocolate, chocolate milk, etc.). She said, "Chocolate". I asked again, "Yes, but what kind of chocolate?". Then my mother put on a hissyfit and told me to move my ass and see what kind of chocolate they were. Then, when I was moving my ass, my father chipped in and told my mother why bother asking him. I could not believe my ears! BTW they were hazelnuts covered in chocolate.

Then, at night, my father was doing something to our computer, and my mother and brother were in the room talking and joking and were having fun. And I was in my room reading a book. Suddenly, my mother said that the lights in my room were switched on and that nobody was in the room. Then my brother came into my room and said that I was in my room. I wanted to cry.

I'm going to go crazy and make up an imaginary sister. She's going to be fun and funny and fun to be with. She's 21 years of age and her name is Kyle. She works at Dairy Queen for one hour a day and the 23 hours is going to be spent on me. My sister would buy me expensive presents and we would have so much fun. Yay!

The Girl With The Twisted Catchphrase

Ok, my title may be a bit different from my previous 'My ...' tradition, but oh well.

My brother has totally ignored me. He came home when I was still asleep and he locked the door. I wanted to open the door to confront him, but he didn't open the door for me. When he wakes up, I'm going to confront him, and shed a few tears, just to make him stop annoying and insulting me.

Top Model 5 was mediocre. I still wonder why Tyra made those auditions episodes. Can't she just make a 90 minute premiere that has the first 30 minutes as the castings and add the first episode? That would boost your ratings, Tyra.

My mother didn't watch ANTM surprisingly, so it was only the boys that watched it (my other brother and my dad and me). My brother and father laughed when Tyra asked Cassandra to name 3 Covergirls, when Tyra asked the 'Chip' girl when was the last time she did community service, when Jay acted like a pig, when Ms. J mocked Coryn with her eyebrows, when Tyra was 'auditioning' and tried to guess her birthdate, everything!

Channel 5 kept a deep dark secret from us. They didn't show many many parts. First, they didn't show the part where Kim announced to Tyra that she was a lesbian. Next, they cut the part where Kyle said that Kim was the first lesbian she ever met. Then, they cut the part where Diane was asking Cassandra how she feels about President Bush being dumb and that he's from Texas. Ha! Next week, Kim and another contestant are going to make out. I would like to see how Channel 5 cuts these bits.

Now lets talk about all the contestants shall we?

Ashley: Needs to catch some 'Z's. She seriously has those eyebags and in the polaroid photo, she looked like a relative of Tyra (an alien). And don't brag about you going to get the contract. You're boring! And I thought you were my pre-show favourite. Shame on you.

Bre: She seriously needs to throw up. She said that about 5 times. I don't like her hair. I prefer it straight. And she talks like this, she talks right in front of your face!

Cassandra: Wait till you see the makeover episode. This sociopath seriously needs to get some emotions.

Coryn: I have just realised that she's very muscular. I think all her fats have converted into muscles. What more can we say about Ms. Eyebrows?

Diane: Another plus-size model who wouldn't have a chance in hell to win. Tyra said that she would make a great plus-size model, then my father asked me what Tyra said, and I said that she (Tyra) said that she (Diane) would make a great plus-size model. Then he (my dad) laughed. I think he (my dad) knows that she (Diane) would never win this competition.

Ebony: Don't get it twisted! And she kind of looks like me.

Jayla: She totally looks like Alia. And she's a Jehovah's Witness! I bet she goes to the same church as Michael Jackson. And I did some research and apparently, Naomi Campbell is a Jehovah's Witness. Ha!

Kim: She's a lesbian by the way. Why did Channel 5 cut that part?! Sheesh! You can have Crazy Horse topless cabaret shows and you won't even tell us that this girl likes girls?

Kyle: Woo! I love her. Don't you?

Lisa: She looks really old. Really. And what's with the mother's story? Seems like everybody has that kind of story. Lisa, Coryn, Nicole.

Nicole: Chapstick is like lipbalm. And when Nicole wanted to look for Chapstick, I was like, "FRIGGIN SPLIT UP!". And she apparently doesn't know how to cook instant noodles. Ha.

Nik: She looks good at the airport when she said that she was the competition. But take those glasses off and stop acting like Naima!

Sarah: Oh ya, my dad and brother laughed when she tripped on the runway. Hahaha!

Oh ya, they cut the scene the part where a girl was sitting on Kim's lap. Eventually, Channel 5 is going to spend some time editing.

And I heard what Kim said about the instant noodle incident.

Nicole: This ramen tastes like hay, like straw hay. It's really bad. No, it's bad. That's why I'm complaining. I made it wrong.
Bre says something.
Krystle: She made the cup of noodles wrong.
Bre says something.
Nicole: How is that complaining if I'm telling you about...
Bre: No, girl, you have been complainin' the whole time. Juz give me five minutes withou' it. Just five, please.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: I'm sorry I'm ghetto I could cook my cup o' noodles real good.
Nicole [in an interview]: You can't get mad at me for not knowing how to make ramen noodles. Seriously.
Nicole: You've been complaining about coffee, you've been complaining about everything
Krystle says something that cannot be made out. She's mocking Nicole.
Jessica interviews and says something that cannot be made out. She says 'catty'.
Nicole: No, no! It's you who's been complaining about chips and...
Adriana [in an interview]: Those people are trying to get bitchy and like competitive and like dramatic.
Krystle [thanks to subtitles]: Don't even put my name in it 'cause I did not open it 'cause I did not give a damn about them chips.
Nicole: You don't even know me who could you say that I'm spoiled?
Kim: Who wants cookies?
Nicole [in an interview]: I guess some people were thinking that I'm complaining and I didn't see that. I'm not really worried about them. They can do what they wanna do and I'm gonna play my own strategy. I dunno. We'll see what happens.
Girl who's sitting on Kim's lap: Anybody on their period right now?
Kim: Looks like some people are gonna get it.
Dramatic Gong.

Ha!

My Dumb Brother

My brother is such a loser. I have deleted his tags and now I have regretted doing it. He called me a gay then, after that, he said that when I look at women's breasts, I get excited. WTF? That's so mean. Can he just go away and mind his own business. I wish he would just go to work forever and never come back. Ya, call me a bad brother, but I've had enough with him. What the hell did I do to make him hate me. He started all this and now I'm so going to get my revenge. You'll just wait and see. I'm going to tell in front of my parents that he smokes. He's currently out now. He's 'working'. Yeah right. I bet he's at pubs right now. I know that because he hasn't paid his phone bills and he claims that he paid it at 7-Eleven and claims that 7-Eleven updates the bills really slowly. Shut up with your lies. At least my second brother is OK with me. He doesn't stick his nose inside my personal stuff. So why don't you learn something from him?! I don't really care if you call up your Malay Mat Gang and beat me up. You have no respect for me! Seriously, I do not care about you anymore. Just leave me alone! I've shut up talking to you, OK? So don't you ever ever talk bad about me! And you're the one who's been "makan, makan, makan" at the house. You don't do a single thing for the house. Even on your 'day off' you don't do nothing! All you do is sleep like shit, you stupid shit-slice. I heard of your phone conversation just now. I've been saving your ass this whole time. I've never said anything to my parents. I remember the time when you did something bad, very bad and I knew what you did. Well, I didn't tell my parents. I fucking did not! I just kept my fucking mouth shut. I hope you get a good beating. Now I hate you!

Wow! That's a load of my shoulders. Now I feel like singing Confessions of a Broken Heart.

My New Addiction

Now I am addicted to Oreo's Chocolate Creeme. Instead of vanilla, they have chocolate cream. Umm... Yum. But it's finished. So I'm expecting some withdrawl symptoms.

Watched two episodes of CSI: Miami. Now I hate CSI: Miami a little less. But! They're using sick sick storylines just to win over the hearts of CSI fans like I. Well, they had this guy who cut up his fingers (only the skin) and rearranged them so that his fingerprints won't be the same. Yuk! And that coroner woman named Alexx is such a wacko. This woman was burnt in her car and she was like, "I hope you didn't suffer much, Lisa." A few seconds later, she cut up her whole anatomy. Well, now she's suffering. Talk about hypocrisy.

If Oprah Winfrey had a baby with Tyra Banks, the result would be this. And her name would be Typrah Winbanks. Well, surprise surprise! This is not Typrah. This is in fact, Tyra herself, taken from her talk show, The Tyra Banks Show. Talk about copying your idol. Somebody needs to tell her that she's such an Oprah wannabe. Just look at that face. I saw that and she totally reminded me of Oprah. And I only watched about 3 episodes of Oprah. One about Shrek 2, one about women being abused by men, and one about bras.

PS: I've got a new poll. I will be changing the poll every week once somebody gets eliminated. And please, if you already know who the winner is, please don't choose her. It's 'Who Should Be ANTM'.

My Crushed Dreams

Showed my mother the handphone that I intended to buy when I'm rich and famous. She looked at it and said that no way in hell am I going to get a cellphone that good because she's going to force me to buy a cheaper handphone. At that moment, something was thrown out of a moving vehicle and was steamrolled by an army tank three times. That, my fellow readers, is my dreams. After my O Levels I am so going to get a job. Maybe get $500 a month, and by early next year, I will get my handphone.

I have just realised that Christmas is on Sunday, which means that New Years Day is exactly next week after Christmas, which means that school starts exactly in two weeks. So, I read through my Biology textbook and I have realised that I still have a couple of holiday assignments to do. If only I had an organizer! And I have realised that I have not really been using my brain during these two months. I heard of this research that if you don't use your brains, you'll go stupider. And I think I have. Now I think I have no hope in passing my O Levels. I'll have to make do with my unchargable phone! Aarrgghh!

It's really funny that I'm taking the same O Level papers as my brother's girlfriend. She's one year older than me, just that she's in Normal Academic. My parents joked that maybe we could have a group study. Umm... no thanks. She's the girlfriend of a boy who accused his brother by calling him a drag queen. No thank you. I'm sure she's nice and all, but no thanks.

One more day to Top Model. But it's only the auditions. So it's one more week and one more day to Top Model.

My Fantasy Handphone

Ustaz Hamid, can you just go away?! I could inform MUIS because you are harrassing me and my blog. Why are you doing this to me? If you personally know me and if you have something against me, can you just talk to me face-to-face. Then, I'd like to slap you in the face.

I have just found out that the Nokia 611 costs $400. There was an offer from M1 saying that it costs only $61. Wow! If only my parents signed up a new contract and we don't use the Sim Card. That would be cool. I'm going to save money and buy one of the phones of the N-Series. I'm going to starve myself until I get my phone. Woo!

My Nougats

Yay! Nougats! Yes! The ustadz gave us nougats from Australia and I'm the only one eating them. I think the rest of my family forgot. But there's this new flavoured nougat. It's called the Green Tea Nougat. Eww... Yuck. I have never tasted it. But there's so many of them it's hard to avoid them.

Me and my brother had a confrontation and I won. I was on the computer minding my own business when he came in and asked me how my blog was doing. I told him to shut up, but he said that it was on the internet and that everyone had the right to read my blog. True. But still, please don't make fun of me being accused of being a drag queen. It's just so weird. I wanted to say "Could you please respect my privacy! Why can't you just let me do the things I wanna do I just wanna be me I don't understand why would you wanna bring me down when I'm only having fun..." But I didn't. I was scared he might call me a girly girl. So I threatened him that if he doesn't shut up, I'm going to tell on him! Yes, this is very childish but I will if he annoys me.

I've had enough of my stupid handphone! My handphone sucks eggs! I have just charged my handphone about 5 minutes ago and I purposely charged it in the hall where everybody can see me. I overacted and adjusted and adjusted and I pretended to cry. I hope my parents see me suffer. I want a Nokia phone! I saw the Nokia 6111 model. The one that's in the ads now. It's the one with the slogan, "Little moves, big performance" or something like that. It looks nice. And it's the size of a credit card. I want that phone!

My Guests

They're here. And they're not so bad. I thought that they're the types that don't watch television. But guess what?! The ustadz's wife knows who Jennifer Lopez is. And she calls her JLo. Ha!

I seriously wish I could punch my brother. He's being such a giant baby even in front of the guests. And he read my blog and he accused me of being a drag queen. Wait till I tell my parents that he smokes. I hope he gets bronchitis. I hope he coughs until he coughs his brains out. Oh wait, he doesn't have any to begin with. Ha!

Watched CSI: Miami on DVD and it's the stupidest TV Series ever! I mean, I've watched 3 episodes so far and I'm practically forcing myself to watch it because I need to. CSI: Las Vegas and CSI: NY is really exciting and it makes you want to watch the next episode. CSI: Miami is just wrong and it makes you want to change the channel. I mean, the main guy Haratio is so over-acting. And his hair is orange in colour! Donald Trump poser! And the other girl Calleigh or whatever her stupid name is. Her voice is so screachy I'd rather hear fingernails scraping on the blackboard rather than her voice. And the coroner the Khandi woman is a really crazy woman. She talks to the dead bodies and she's like, "Who did this to you, Nicole?". Like as if the dead body's gonna say, "Oh, it was Bre. Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre Bre. Bre poured Red Bull down the sink. That's why I died!"

My Stupid, Stupid Handphone

I didn't deserve it. Aaaarrrrgggghhh!!! [does what Lisa does in ANTM commercial]

Blood, sweat and tears have been shed yesterday when I tried to charge my MOTOROLA handphone. A word for everyone intending to buy MOTOROLA stuff... Don't do it! Don't make the same mistake that I did a year ago. It's so friggin hard to charge it because you need to adjust it and when you're about to put it down, it goes back to 'Charge Cancelled Mode'. Stupid stupid handphone. My father's contract is expiring in May, so he could upgrade in February. So I better get a new handphone or I'll get a heart attack.

I keep on getting stupid disgusting Adult Friend Finder and Match.com and some ringtone websites. It's disgusting, especially the first one. It's full of old desperate women who want to sleep with old desperate men. Yucks. And they claim that they're Singaporeans when everyone is Caucasian.

My New Ringtone

Hey! This might be my new RINGTONE. She's a stupid stupid bitch.

Project Runway! Yes! Project Runway!! Heidi's pregnant!! Yes! To her husband!!! SEAL!!! Yes!!! How the hell did my mother know about the Seal being Heidi's husband and Heidi being Seal's wife and Seal being the husband of a German television host slash supermodel and vice versa? And I thought that Heidi was married to an endangered animal just like Naomi Watts marrying King Kong.

Pictures of the 2nd season of Project Runway.

HEIDI!!! Don't worry people, this website is spoiler-free. Wow, I didn't realise that Heidi looks pretty. Keep scrolling down before I call you a stupid stupid bitch...


Oh, is that Vannesa Riley's pregnant envy dress? We'll just have to scroll down...


It's Heidi Seal! Showing off her new belly, and belly button...


A drag queen! A drag queen on television!


Remember her? Oh wait, you don't. She was on ANTM 3 by the way. You, know the season Channel 5 didn't show and everybody was angry at Channel 5...


Her face looks really familiar. Not to you, unfortunately, because she reminds me of a girl who auditioned for ANTM 3, which Channel 5 didn't show and that was the day when there were riots and all the violence...


Yes it is her! Because her name is Rachael! PS: Zulema is such a nice name.


As we see, it is her!


This is a footage from ANTM 3 which you didn't see because, well, we know already. Tyra is trying to make Rachael smell her armpits. Haha. A picture is worth a thousand words.

My Random Thoughts

My brother treats everyone in my house like as if we're all roomies. He has his own life, we have our own lives.

Spongebob Squarepants is the best thing that happened in the history of forever.

America's Next Top Model is the second best thing that happened in the history of forever.

I still play Pokemon on my Gameboy and I'm not ashamed to say it.

I try to be nice to him but he has something against me. So now I don't like him.

I want to go to a college in America so that I can watch ANTM earlier than Singapore.

I need to pee, so bad.

I have lazy eyes, like Sara from ANTM 2.

I hate ice-cream. I love popsicles.

I hate chocolate.

I love pistachios.

I do not really sleep at night.

If killing weren't a sin, I would be happy to use my mother's knife collection to good use.

I talk to myself when nobody's at home.

My Alcoholism

Oh my god I just had the freakiest dream ever. BTW Ustaz Hamid, if you ever make any comments to me, then I'm going to delete all your tags. I can and I'm not afraid to use this.

I dreamt that we had like, this weird religious party at my house and my family invited all the religious people to our house, with the exception of Ustaz Hamid, of course. Because he's a fictional character and that he's so freaking annoying. Ok, so it was like a teenager's party except that there were a lot of old people. Then, suddenly, I had a Tiger Beer in my hand and I started drinking it and it tasted disgusting. And it seems like they had the chewy bits like Nata de Coco.

This was all a dream. Don't be scandalised by it.

A letter to the judges of Project Runway.
Please do not try to act like Janice Dickinson. You're trying your hardest, but the only judge that makes me laugh is Janice herself. Don't try to make rude comments to the designers like the part where you said "Looks like my cat chewed a ball of yarn and spitted it out". It's not even funny. And that was really rude. Janice Dickinson is not rude in a mean way, she's rude in a funny way. Anyway, you're only going to stay there for one week and you'll be out of the judging panel forever. Because in fashion, you're either in or you're out.

The only judge that I like is Heidi Klum. She doesn't say anything. And I love her accent. My mother still can't believe that she's married to this black rapper called Seal. I also can't believe that a white German woman would marry a black ghetto superstar.

And Betsey Johnson was on Project Runway. Hehe. But she kind of looks like a man if you look at her close-up.

My Grotesque Video

Ew ew ew ew ew yuck yuck yuck! I don't wanna eat anymore! I will never look at forks the same way before I watched the most disgustingest yuckiest goriest video ever!

Well, it all started yesterday, when I was curious about Lindsay Lohan's Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father). So, being the busy bee that I am, I googled the song and I went to this website. LINK. Wow, I that's so sad. Even Lindsay's father has wrote for her a song. It's called Confessions of an Unbroken Heart (Father to Daughter). So I tried going to the music video codes to find the song to put on the website, but instead, I stumbled upon this website that gives codes for grotesque videos. I clicked on a video that said 'Killer' and this is what I saw.

Due to this grotesque content, reader discreetion is advised...

I think this video is for real because it, well, looks real. This woman purposely pokes a fork into one of her eyes. She looks like she's possessed or something. Blood oozes out from her eye. She tries to take out her eyeball. After some struggling, she does, along with some veins and arteries. The cameraman pans around her whole body, which is covered in blood. She's about to eat the eyeball, when suddenly, the video ends.

It was so scary, I closed the window and switched off the computer. I'm so scared it might be like, a curse video where you'd have to do that in 7 days. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to throw out all the forks in the kitchen.

My Tagger

Oh my god! Who is this Ustaz Hamid guy?! Is he for real, or is he some cruel sick joke made by some cruel sick guy?!

By the way, to Ustaz Hamid, there are so many other people who have done much more sinful acts like murder, sex, drugs, etc. I suggest you go to their blogs and encourage them to go for counselling. And I'm sorry if I go against your way, but I will not be taking down the pictures on my blog because I believe that they are not R-rated. They are clothed people. If you think that America's Next Top Model is full of nudity, then you are mistaken because there is rarely any nudity footage and of course, their private parts are censored. I also exaggerated on the previous entry about the America's Next Top Model part where I said many things on nudity. Like I said, they would be covering their privates with their hands or their hair. I know this is not encouraged in Islam, but I only watch the show because of its drama and not to drool over them. You do realise that I did not comment on the girls being 'sexy' or 'hot' or even vulgar adjectives. I only said that they were 'pretty'.

My whole family watches America's Next Top Model. My mum, my brother, and even my father. They do not think that the show is haram because the show is fun to watch and is very entertaining. I suggest you watch the show first, before you make any judgements on me.

PS: Have you really told my mother about this? My mother hasn't talked to me about it yet. In addition, she's a big fan of America's Next Top Model. And I don't think I'm troubled at all thank you. So I don't think I will need somebody to talk to. Thanks for your concern.

Assalamualaikum.

My Foreign Visitors

My family's religious teacher from Australia is coming to stay at our house from Friday to Monday. Whoop de doo. I'm not really excited because his whole family is coming too. And his son is a bit bratty and spoilt. And they're going to take up my room so I'm gonna have to sleep right next to the balcony, where pontianaks lurk. Great. I don't think I'm able to use the computer because my mother thinks it's just plain downright rude, even though the son is going to play on my Playstation 24/7. Arrrggghhhh [does what Lisa does in the ANTM commercial].

Oh BTW my mother asked me if I wanted to follow her to Indonesia and go to the religious teacher's kampung after my O Levels. Well, they're actually Indonesians. Of course my mother didn't ask me, all she said was, "After your O Levels, do you want to follow me to the ustadz's kampung? No? Maybe? Yes? Ok!" And I don't even understand Indonesian language! Yesterday it was official that my mother wanted to send me far far away. She told me that I could go the a 'prasantren' or however you pronounce it or spell it. It's in Indonesia or something. My mother said that it's a boarding house of some sort where you read the Qur'an during the day and you learn martial arts in the night. And you can't watch semi-nude, catfighting, nude-only-being-covered-by-bubbles, screaming, nude-only-covered-by-their-hair, lesbian, nude-only-covered-by-diamonds, atheist, legally blind, lupus-carrying, nude-only-covered-by-leaves, drunk, religious, impetigo-carrying, witness of Jehovah, buliemic, plus-size, bisexual, half-Persian, topless-only-covered-by-hair, bitchy, topless-only-covered-by-newspapers-stuck-in-London-phonebooth-with-5-other-women, collapsing, bald, boring, objecting-to-nudity, crazy women on television i.e. America's Next Top Model. I just kept quiet during the whole time hoping that my mother was only joking. I don't wanna be strapped with bombs! I've heard of these such places! If she really isn't joking, I am so going to burn my passport and I'm serious! She said that I could be there for a month. A month!!! A MONTH!!!!! What did I ever do to her that made her hate me so badly!!!! Arrrrggghhhh [does what Lisa does in the ANTM commercial]

On a lighter tone, we all know that we all love Brittany. Why didn't I like her during the show? Kissy kissy!

My Screencap

[Screams really loudly and jumps up and down]

Well, it's nothing really, but well, just check this out. LINK. If you don't want to know the winner, then don't go anywhere else. Just look down at the text and you'll see "Bollywood's Next Top Model" by Mike, NY. Mike, who lives in New York, is friggin me!!!! I'm serious I'm not joking. I didn't want to put my name and location there because I didn't want to be rejected just because of my special name and unknown location (they might think that Singapore's a part of China and you know, communism and all that crap). I actually tried doing this a couple of times during the previous weeks but they didn't publish it. YES! Now I'm even more famous than Naima! Take that, you non-modelling person!

My brother's like really really weird. He sleeps during the day and he sleeps during the night. Does he ever go to the toilet? My guess is 'No'. Well, at least he's not shivering, but he slouches like crazy. Maybe he should wake up and take a shower.

Yay! I'm happy that Tyra decided to choose the winner of America's Next Top Model. I shall not reveal who the winner is in case people want to be spoiler-free. But just telling you, I LOVE TYRA! At least the winner is going to make it big and stomp on Naima's mohawk. Get off my TV screen, Naima! Woo! I love [insert new supermodel's name]. Let's hope she does something this time.

My Unknown Models

Top Model Runway Ahead is so cool! Brittany looks like Adrianne Curry, Kahlen looks like Hilary Duff and Naima looks like her twin sister! But to tell you the truth, Naima and her twin sister should swap places so that nobody has to look at Naima's photographs.

Of course, there is the awkard situation where Tyra brings some contestants from the previous seasons and my mother kept asking me who won in each season. And then there was Ann, Toccara, Amanda and Eva from Season 3, which of course Channel 5 didn't show and the whole of Singapore said 'No' when they said, "Remember me? I'm the one with the degenerative eye disease!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who was big, black, beautiful and lovin' it!" or "Remember me? I'm the one who wrote 'Clean your shit' in people's low-carb brownies!" or "Remember me? I didn't say skinny, I said tall!". Ok, you guys don't get it. Well, my mother was shocked when she saw the flashback of Amanda confessing that she was legally blind. She kept asking me if she's blind now.

Do you ever realise that everyone's doing something except for Naima! What does she do? She only goes to talkshows and brags about how she won. Then she walks for them, and she walks like as if she's drunk. She only goes to playgrounds and stands there for mothers to say, "That's America's Next Top Model!". Ya, sure honey. Tell that to Yoanna House and ask what she's doing now.

Michelle looks so much better than when she was platinum blonde. I mean, who the hell has that kind of hair colour? Even Amanda changed her hairstyle. Oh, wait, you didn't watch Season 3 because Channel 5 never ever broadcasted it on its network.

Brandy has gotten one inch of her hair back and looks as horrible as that big afro hair. She looks as alien-esque as ever, which could be good for haute coutoure. But I do miss her 'I can't see my eyebrows' and 'I was making a joke to make myself laugh'. Well, at least she's doing something, unlike the universally hated Naima.

Keenyah interviews "A year ago, I was Keenyah. Now, I'm Keenyah [with a different tone]". Yeah, even the editors hate you. They showed all the bad stuff that you did; eating, blocking the door with your big fat tummy, bragging that you're black. And last but not least, getting screamed at by Brittany. Oh I love you Brittany! Now I don't really like Kahlen now.

Tiffany looked like a drag queen at the red carpet.

Thank god Top Model 5 is coming. My birthday wish did come true. Thank me for sacrificing world peace for Top Model.

My Possessed Brother

Oh brother! My brother's possessed! Well, I think.

Well, it all started yesterday when he locked himself in his room and closed all the windows and didn't switch on the fan and wore a comforter. And he was freaking shivering! Which was super weird. Then, when he was talking like Emily Rose. No, not Cockney speaking Sunny Rose. He was talking like satanic Emily Rose! Then, when he was walking to the kitchen, he was slouching and I swore he was trying to lick his knees. So, The Amazing Race is cancelled, or not, is it? I don't know. My parents tell me nothing.

My Friendly Neighbours

My my my. My neighbours are nice to our family only because they used up our corridor space to put their laundry. Why? Well, it all started on Friday when my robotic R2-D2 neighbour's mother came to our house and apologized in advance in case they make any noise. Why? Becasuse apparently R2-D2 is getting married (to C3-PO, I believe) and they're going to do the proposing stuff at her house on Saturday, I think. They used up the whole lift landing to put the buffet tables and the chairs and whatnot. So, they put their dirty laundry right at our corridor. And they invited my mother and father to go. I didn't want to go anyway. I won't forget the times when they just threw their rubbish around the chute and not in the chute and I had to tolerate the smell. Then, when my mother got back, she was telling everyone how nice they were. Ok, maybe it's R2-D2 who I hate. The grandmother seems nice. I'm not a big fan of Star Wars BTW.

Don't forget to watch ANTM: Return to the Runway on Wednesday. We'll get to see what Naima is doing i.e. nothing.

My Massagers

Just felt like blogging because trust me, I'll be lazy to blog tomorrow. Oh my god I'm like Garfield. Seriously, I just sleep and sleep and sleep. Either that or I'm in front of the television. Television is now my best friend. Ok, whatever with that. Firstly, I'm broke big time. Why? Because I've been buying McDonald's practically every single day. Secondly, well, there isn't really a secondly because I used every single money of mine on McSpicy Doubles and McChickens.

Well, yesterday, my mother called me at 4 and asked me if I wanted to go to the John Little Warehouse Sale at Expo. Being the lazy person and wanting to just wait for death at the couch, I didn't want to go, but then my mother said that I had no choice because we would be having dinner after that. So, I dragged myself there. Got there and there were kids playing Ultraman on the PS2, of all the games. Bought some stuff and there was nothing really special, because it was just an enlarged version of John Little, there wasn't really any huge sale where you get everything free.

After that, believe it or not, we went to East Point. Yes, of all the shopping centres, we went to East Point. Ok, we went to this cheap restaurant called Sakura or something and the service was as cheap as Tyra Banks. I mean, my mother was extremely pissed off when she didn't get what she wanted and she kept on muttering under her breath that the customer is always right. I mean, this waiter nearly tripped over a chair. Did they even go to waiter's school? Apparently, they're foreign workers because my father striked a conversation with this Balinese guy and kept on talking weird stuff. Remember, cheap restaurant.

So, after that we went to Best Denki because my mother wanted to buy a new airpot, you know, the thing that boils water. She didn't buy in the end, but when we were exiting, there was like this Osim corner and my brother told us to try the iSqueeze and the salesman saw us and he kept on pestering us to buy one of them. So, in the end, my father got the iSqueez, my mother got the uZap and we got a free gift, the iPamper. I would have never thought that my parents would buy these stuff. Now nobody really cares about the iPamper. I'll just put it in my room and pamper myself all day long.

Oh BTW, I had the longest dream ever. It seems like I was in the dream for about two days. I mean, seriously. Ok, here's the dream; Farahyn turns 18 and I'm still 15 and suddenly Farahyn comes in my uncle's house in a bride's dress. I don't really remember who was there. I don't think anybody was there. Farahyn was excited and kept on saying that it's the best day of her life and blah blah blah. Then, suddenly it's the next day and Farahyn and her husband, Khairul, is at the stage or pelamin or whatever you call it. Then, I was suddenly in my cousin's car and I was telling my cousin how exciting it is. Then I woke up. Wow. If this comes true I'm going to kill myself.

My Bollywood Photos

Ok now I'm so in love with Top Model. I mean, last week's photoshoot sucked eggs, but this week's photoshoot totally totally rocked! No, they didn't pose nude with diamonds. No, they didn't pose nude with each other. No they didn't pose nude in a group lying down with their hair covering up their privates while they wear jeans. No they didn't pose nude after they had makeovers. They had a Bollywood-themed photoshoot! Ya, at first I thought it was boring, but actually it's kind of cool.

Bre. Well, since you really can't see that well, let's give you a close-up.


I hate her. Don't you?


Jayla. Where is she? Exactly. It's like finding Wally.


She looks more like Cleopatra.


Nicole!!! My favourite! I really hope she wins this thing. Doesn't she look FABULOUS?!


Now that is the definition of FEIRCE!


Nik. They say that she's gonna be in the top two with Nicole, but I like Nicole better. Somehow, I don't really like this girl.


Close up. Blahness personified.

Woo! I so wanna pose like Nicole for next year's class fun photo. I don't care if everyone's doing their own stuff. I'll just go in the middle and stand on the benches and POSE!