ANTM Recap: Missing Teeth = Fierce!

Yay! A new recap! Once again, go away if you don't wanna be spoiled! But if you wanna see something different, just look at the first picture!

[Tyra Voice]: Previously, on America's Next Top Model, Dominique is still in the competition despite the fact that she looks like an 80-year-old transvestite hooker, and kind of acts like one too. Poor Aimee's gone, despite the fact that she takes great pictures. Who will be eliminated tonight?

First of all, I'd just like to say OH MY GOD!!!!



This was actually during the group challenge when Dominique's group won and then the whole group was hugging and all of a sudden, the empty slot where the tooth was supposed to be just caught my eye. I dunno, but for some reason, I kind of felt sad, because this is a modelling competition and appearance obviously matters. I seriously hope they cut her before a Covergirl commercial photoshoot because they're gonna bring that up and I kind of hope they don't and just cut her for being a hag who takes mediocre pictures. Also, there might be a possibility that this is a result of crystal meth. I mean, she looks twice her age (23). And seriously this moment made me sad just like how I was depressed after watching Requiem For A Dream.

So anyway, Lauren totally looks like crap in person. I'm liking her less now. Last week she proclaimed that she has never heard of a Britney Spears song. I'm sorry, does she watch television? I mean, Come On! And she was saying that she avoids mainstream music. See, when she says "avoids", it kind makes me think that she's trying too hard to be different.

This week proves that Lauren does have a potty mouth. She had a row with Fatima (who else?) and apparently, threw away Fatima's coffee and so had to make coffee for Fatima also.

Funny how throughout the whole time Lauren curses and gives the finger to Fatima, she's making a nice cup of coffee for her. And I love Fatima's calmness.

So this week was Go-Sees week and Whitney was told that she was a fatty and the designers don't want a morbidly obese woman to walk on the runway. And Dominique says that she doesn't see Whitney winning the competition. Umm... Look in the mirror, Dominique. You ain't no Gisele Bundchen.

The Tyra Mail seriously annoys me! It's like a marquee thing so all the girls read it aloud like in primary school when the teacher tells the whole class to read a passage aloud.

Anya rocks. What's new?

Anya mentioned that Mr Jay looked like a silver robot. Hahahah!!!! More like an orange Oompa Loompa.

Katarzyna gets a new haircut. I dunno, she now kind of looks like Juliet Binoche, that woman from Dan In Real Life. And also, the judges were kind of mean to her. Paulina said that finally she doesn't have the Eastern European tackiness. Ms Jay called her Neutrogena and Tyra still can't pronounce her name, so she decided to call her Neutrogena too. Man. And also, she's becoming like, the favourites. But I still don't like her for some reason. She's kind of boring.

Dominique's photo kind of sucked. But apparently the judges loved it, claiming it looks like an orgasm. Umm... Yeah.

So this leads me to a montage of Dominique, who has a 1/7 chance to becoming America's Next Top Model.

And seriously, what the eff is she wearing to judging? Is she trying to show her penis? And Nigel actually said that she looks like she styled her hair with semen. Oh the professionalism that is America's Next Top Model.

Fatima finally has a good picture. But the neck kind of bugs me, she looks like those people from Thailand with giraffe necks.

Anya's photo was amazing!! Seriously, she looks like a magical creature from Narnia or something. Like those creatures that give the heroes something when they get lost in the woods.

So Claire's gone because she sucks. Thank God! She keeps on complaining about how she misses her baby and stuff. Well, then you shouldn't have come into the competition then. And also, why would you be a model when you have a baby? I don't get it.

So 7 girls remain! I hope they kick off Dominique, please!!! I can't stand her!!!!

My Pet Peeve

Poor poor Laura Brown.

You know what my pet peeve is? No offense, but I really really really hate colour contacts! Firstly, they look totally unnatural. It makes them look like aliens. Secondly, do the people who wear them really find it attractive? Like, it sticks out like a sore thumb! Also, they make your eyes red and irritating, literally. Urgh! And why do Malays like them? Their eye colour against their skin tone. Urgh! It's just that I've been noticing them in my workplace.

New episode of ANTM!!! Yay!! But I'll probably be recapping soon. So malas to screen capture and resize and shit.

Finally, The Office and Ugly Betty are coming back!!! Yay!

OMG did you know there's such a syndrome called Alice In Wonderland Syndrome? It's when your mind sees different things as being bigger or smaller than what it actually is. But then people suffering from this only experiences these things like, once a month. It's so cool!!!

ANTM Recap: Pain = Fierce

ANTM!!!!! Go away if you don't wanna be spoiled!! And I'm actually planning to do this recap thingy for every episode! Yay! Well, unless I'm busy or something, which hardly happens if ANTM is involved. So anyway, FYI I actually screen capture all the images myself and painstakingly resize every single image. So that's commitment!

So anyway....


"Tyra voice": PREVIOUSLY, on America's Next Top Model. Dominique holds the record for the oldest transexual in existence. Also, she is an ass who accused Whitney of being a racist. It's not that she hates black people, it's just that she hates you, who just happens to be black. BTW is she black? Her race should be classified as "Leather" or something.

So now begins my recap! Yay!! Anyway, the show begins with Claire complaining that Dominique sets her alarm way earlier than when they're supposed to wake up and keeps on snoozing. I admit I do that all the time for some unknown reason. But still, Dominique is an ass. PS: Doesn't Dominique sound like the name of a drag queen? So Claire and Dom argue and stuff...

I totally love Anya and her precision on the time! It's like as if she's a Russian spy or something and has the ability to tell the time without looking at the clock.


And really, what is up with this computerized moon? During the scene change, the moon actually moved! It's so fake!

So after all the fiasco, on their way to the challenge prep, they find out that Tyra is the limo driver. Is she that poor that she is unable to hire a chauffeur? Or at least called on Naima to do it? She tells the girls to go upstairs and get dressed.

And I must admit that Tyra actually looks really really hot in this picture. But it's only for like, half a second, probably because it doesn't feature her 'Kiss My Fat Ass' ass.

The rest of the episode just features her as a crazy psycho model.

So anyway, the challenge involves the girls doing poses like they're in pain. Yes, they have to pose as if a certain body part is sprained or broken.

Headache. Aarggh!!! Try this at home and you'll have what it takes to become America's Next Top Model.

Chest pains! Angina! Fierce!

...and wait for it....

Menstrual cramps! Yes I'm not kidding! They're pretending they have menstrual cramps! I have never experienced this but apparently, this is how women look like during the time of the month.

Work it like your uterus lining is shedding!

Fierce! PS: I love Whitney!

And this is so funny that Dominique was like, "What cramps?" HAHAHA! Oh Dominique, do you know what it feels like for a girl?

Your shoulder blades hurt! She needs Tiger Balm, pronto!

Your lips are dry!

You're Rain Man! Work it! I'm kidding, Tyra told Lauren to pose like her palms hurt because she's been playing Paddy Cake for too long. Uhh... Yeah....

So the challenge winner is Anya, because she is awesome and fortunately, Tyra recognizes the fact that she's awesome. She gets to be featured in a nude photoshoot shot by noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker.

Also a pervert.

And honestly, I thought that the show didn't censor her bottom privates! I had to take a second look to realize that she's wearing skin-toned underwear.

I'm actually starting to like her makeover. Except for the freaking eyebrows.

And can we thank God that Dominique did not win because if she did, Nigel would have experienced the game nobody wants to play; The Crying Game.

Speaking of Dominique, she's sick. See, who told you to not bring your estrogen pills with you when you go anywhere. So she's trying to catch some sleep but then Claire, Lauren and Whitney are in the room talking loudly. Perhaps they're doing her a favour because of what happened to Rip Van Winkle.

Darn it! Too late, too late.

And really, these three can kind of be such assholes. Go outside!


Claire's the leader of the pack, and I totally didn't know she was kind of like, a bitch. She totally refused to go outside after Dominique asked her to talk outside. I must say, both parties didn't have the right to be such assholes.


But I still love you, Whitney! Don't. Call. Her. Racist!

Before I continue, I shall post a collection of images of Dominique.

This week's photoshoot involves them depicting the different genres of music. And really, Dominique looks like what Cher would look like in 10 years.

I have to say that Stacy-Ann is really really pretty! I love her bone structure!

Poor Aimee. She doesn't know what's going to happen to her. Sigh.

WTF is up with his eyebrows?

And Paula looks strangely like Janice Dickinson. Unfortunately, her snappy comments have drastically declined. She's starting to become like Twiggy! Boo! Call Dominique a tranny again!

PS: I love Whitney. She actually was called out first, which I believe is the first time a fatty is called first! Work those lipids!

I also love Lauren, but she totally looks drugged up in panel. Aaargh! Wear some makeup!!! She's gonna get the "takes amazing photos but looks like crap in person" reason when she's eliminated.

I love Katarzyna's photo and Tyra promised to give her this haircut next week. Yay! Honestly, she currently looks like a high-class prostitute.

I cannot believe Dominique's photo got raves! They actually said that this is soft! Urgh! Why can't they see that she looks like she's 50 and just eliminate her!!!!

And just by one crappy photo...

Aimee gets the boot. Boo! What utter bullcrap! Her portfolio was amazing!!!!

AMAZING!! Best among the rest of the girls this week!

AMAZING!! Best among the rest of the girls this week!

Ok this might actually be really meh.

But to be eliminated the week after she produced this photograph is just unjustly! And I actually predicted her to be the winner! Well, she took amazing photographs.

8 girls remain! Holy crap! It's been really fast actually! I seriously hope they kick off Dominique ASAP. And Claire.

Yay. Ok I'm off to sleep...

Documentaries

Finally, ANTM is uploaded! I can breathe again!

Anyway, I've actually been watching quite a lot National Geographic and Animal Planet lately. Ok maybe just like, 3 hours worth of it this week. But anyway, I was watching this documentary about how a 6 degrees change in the climate could lead to catastrophe. And it was kind of scary. So I switched off my handphone charger because I always keep it on even when I'm not charging. So DO IT!!! Switch off your handphone charger when you're not using it! I'm like, using a freaking computer. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

I'm off to work. I'm still doing my freaking training!

Damaged

I totally hate American Idol. The results show went like, "Blah blah blah blah iTunes blah blah blah blah blah Idol Gives Back blah blah blah Paula Abdul's new song blah blah commercials!" Anyway, I'm sorry but I can't stand David Archuleta! He's not that great, right? And what Simon said about his performance was so true. Like an opening act. So anyway, I'm currently rooting for Irish girl, even though her husband looks creepy with all the tattoos on his face.

They still haven't uploaded the latest episode of ANTM!!! I'm like, soooooo pissed and anxious right now! I need my weekly dose of Anya and Lauren and Whitney!!!! Urgh!! Argh!!!! Ok I'm seriously like, really anxious!!!!! They were supposed to be up yesterday morning!!!! Ok I'm acting like those crazy old women who go anxious to enter a game show.

Oh ANTM! Where are you?

One Week Later

Urgh! The training is so boring! It's like learning stuff that you already know! And what was supposed to be a 3 day training stretched into a one week ordeal and there's even a "Graduation" thing at the end of the week. And they seriously reiterate every single thing. Urgh! I just wanna go back to Shut.

Anyway, the most embarrassing thing happened yesterday! Urgh! I was at the bus stop and nobody was around so I was kind of like reenacting the whole Notes On A Scandal scene and after I was kind of like, "shiok sendiri", I turned around and saw this auntie staring at me. Urgh! OMG It was so humiliating!!! Because I actually said, "You wanna fuck me on the floor, Barbara?!"

Ok whatever. Anyway, I can't believe Channel 5 still hasn't shown ANTM 9. Seriously, TV sucks nowadays. I'm just waiting for Ugly Betty to come back!!!

And I want HDTV!!!

Notes On A Scandal

I was thinking about the movie today and randomly Youtubed and I happened to chance upon this video. The scene is when Sheba (Cate Blanchett) finds out from her diary that Barbara (Judi Dench) is actually a lesbian stalker who just wants to get into Sheba's pants. This scene was so funny and amazing!!! If you're lazy, watch it from 1:39 onwards! Especially the part where Sheba said, "You think this is a love affair?!" and when Barbara said, "They'll fly by! I'll visit you every week!" And I totally love when they were fighting. Catfight between the Queen Elizabeths!