ANTM Recap: Pain = Fierce

ANTM!!!!! Go away if you don't wanna be spoiled!! And I'm actually planning to do this recap thingy for every episode! Yay! Well, unless I'm busy or something, which hardly happens if ANTM is involved. So anyway, FYI I actually screen capture all the images myself and painstakingly resize every single image. So that's commitment!

So anyway....


"Tyra voice": PREVIOUSLY, on America's Next Top Model. Dominique holds the record for the oldest transexual in existence. Also, she is an ass who accused Whitney of being a racist. It's not that she hates black people, it's just that she hates you, who just happens to be black. BTW is she black? Her race should be classified as "Leather" or something.

So now begins my recap! Yay!! Anyway, the show begins with Claire complaining that Dominique sets her alarm way earlier than when they're supposed to wake up and keeps on snoozing. I admit I do that all the time for some unknown reason. But still, Dominique is an ass. PS: Doesn't Dominique sound like the name of a drag queen? So Claire and Dom argue and stuff...

I totally love Anya and her precision on the time! It's like as if she's a Russian spy or something and has the ability to tell the time without looking at the clock.


And really, what is up with this computerized moon? During the scene change, the moon actually moved! It's so fake!

So after all the fiasco, on their way to the challenge prep, they find out that Tyra is the limo driver. Is she that poor that she is unable to hire a chauffeur? Or at least called on Naima to do it? She tells the girls to go upstairs and get dressed.

And I must admit that Tyra actually looks really really hot in this picture. But it's only for like, half a second, probably because it doesn't feature her 'Kiss My Fat Ass' ass.

The rest of the episode just features her as a crazy psycho model.

So anyway, the challenge involves the girls doing poses like they're in pain. Yes, they have to pose as if a certain body part is sprained or broken.

Headache. Aarggh!!! Try this at home and you'll have what it takes to become America's Next Top Model.

Chest pains! Angina! Fierce!

...and wait for it....

Menstrual cramps! Yes I'm not kidding! They're pretending they have menstrual cramps! I have never experienced this but apparently, this is how women look like during the time of the month.

Work it like your uterus lining is shedding!

Fierce! PS: I love Whitney!

And this is so funny that Dominique was like, "What cramps?" HAHAHA! Oh Dominique, do you know what it feels like for a girl?

Your shoulder blades hurt! She needs Tiger Balm, pronto!

Your lips are dry!

You're Rain Man! Work it! I'm kidding, Tyra told Lauren to pose like her palms hurt because she's been playing Paddy Cake for too long. Uhh... Yeah....

So the challenge winner is Anya, because she is awesome and fortunately, Tyra recognizes the fact that she's awesome. She gets to be featured in a nude photoshoot shot by noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker.

Also a pervert.

And honestly, I thought that the show didn't censor her bottom privates! I had to take a second look to realize that she's wearing skin-toned underwear.

I'm actually starting to like her makeover. Except for the freaking eyebrows.

And can we thank God that Dominique did not win because if she did, Nigel would have experienced the game nobody wants to play; The Crying Game.

Speaking of Dominique, she's sick. See, who told you to not bring your estrogen pills with you when you go anywhere. So she's trying to catch some sleep but then Claire, Lauren and Whitney are in the room talking loudly. Perhaps they're doing her a favour because of what happened to Rip Van Winkle.

Darn it! Too late, too late.

And really, these three can kind of be such assholes. Go outside!


Claire's the leader of the pack, and I totally didn't know she was kind of like, a bitch. She totally refused to go outside after Dominique asked her to talk outside. I must say, both parties didn't have the right to be such assholes.


But I still love you, Whitney! Don't. Call. Her. Racist!

Before I continue, I shall post a collection of images of Dominique.

This week's photoshoot involves them depicting the different genres of music. And really, Dominique looks like what Cher would look like in 10 years.

I have to say that Stacy-Ann is really really pretty! I love her bone structure!

Poor Aimee. She doesn't know what's going to happen to her. Sigh.

WTF is up with his eyebrows?

And Paula looks strangely like Janice Dickinson. Unfortunately, her snappy comments have drastically declined. She's starting to become like Twiggy! Boo! Call Dominique a tranny again!

PS: I love Whitney. She actually was called out first, which I believe is the first time a fatty is called first! Work those lipids!

I also love Lauren, but she totally looks drugged up in panel. Aaargh! Wear some makeup!!! She's gonna get the "takes amazing photos but looks like crap in person" reason when she's eliminated.

I love Katarzyna's photo and Tyra promised to give her this haircut next week. Yay! Honestly, she currently looks like a high-class prostitute.

I cannot believe Dominique's photo got raves! They actually said that this is soft! Urgh! Why can't they see that she looks like she's 50 and just eliminate her!!!!

And just by one crappy photo...

Aimee gets the boot. Boo! What utter bullcrap! Her portfolio was amazing!!!!

AMAZING!! Best among the rest of the girls this week!

AMAZING!! Best among the rest of the girls this week!

Ok this might actually be really meh.

But to be eliminated the week after she produced this photograph is just unjustly! And I actually predicted her to be the winner! Well, she took amazing photographs.

8 girls remain! Holy crap! It's been really fast actually! I seriously hope they kick off Dominique ASAP. And Claire.

Yay. Ok I'm off to sleep...

Documentaries

Finally, ANTM is uploaded! I can breathe again!

Anyway, I've actually been watching quite a lot National Geographic and Animal Planet lately. Ok maybe just like, 3 hours worth of it this week. But anyway, I was watching this documentary about how a 6 degrees change in the climate could lead to catastrophe. And it was kind of scary. So I switched off my handphone charger because I always keep it on even when I'm not charging. So DO IT!!! Switch off your handphone charger when you're not using it! I'm like, using a freaking computer. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

I'm off to work. I'm still doing my freaking training!

Damaged

I totally hate American Idol. The results show went like, "Blah blah blah blah iTunes blah blah blah blah blah Idol Gives Back blah blah blah Paula Abdul's new song blah blah commercials!" Anyway, I'm sorry but I can't stand David Archuleta! He's not that great, right? And what Simon said about his performance was so true. Like an opening act. So anyway, I'm currently rooting for Irish girl, even though her husband looks creepy with all the tattoos on his face.

They still haven't uploaded the latest episode of ANTM!!! I'm like, soooooo pissed and anxious right now! I need my weekly dose of Anya and Lauren and Whitney!!!! Urgh!! Argh!!!! Ok I'm seriously like, really anxious!!!!! They were supposed to be up yesterday morning!!!! Ok I'm acting like those crazy old women who go anxious to enter a game show.

Oh ANTM! Where are you?

One Week Later

Urgh! The training is so boring! It's like learning stuff that you already know! And what was supposed to be a 3 day training stretched into a one week ordeal and there's even a "Graduation" thing at the end of the week. And they seriously reiterate every single thing. Urgh! I just wanna go back to Shut.

Anyway, the most embarrassing thing happened yesterday! Urgh! I was at the bus stop and nobody was around so I was kind of like reenacting the whole Notes On A Scandal scene and after I was kind of like, "shiok sendiri", I turned around and saw this auntie staring at me. Urgh! OMG It was so humiliating!!! Because I actually said, "You wanna fuck me on the floor, Barbara?!"

Ok whatever. Anyway, I can't believe Channel 5 still hasn't shown ANTM 9. Seriously, TV sucks nowadays. I'm just waiting for Ugly Betty to come back!!!

And I want HDTV!!!

Notes On A Scandal

I was thinking about the movie today and randomly Youtubed and I happened to chance upon this video. The scene is when Sheba (Cate Blanchett) finds out from her diary that Barbara (Judi Dench) is actually a lesbian stalker who just wants to get into Sheba's pants. This scene was so funny and amazing!!! If you're lazy, watch it from 1:39 onwards! Especially the part where Sheba said, "You think this is a love affair?!" and when Barbara said, "They'll fly by! I'll visit you every week!" And I totally love when they were fighting. Catfight between the Queen Elizabeths!

Paint = Fierce!

Fake! It's all fake and it's so stupid!!! Urgh!! I just wish this world wasn't so corrupted and crazy! Seriously, I was so pissed this evening!

So blah blah blahs aside, I am totally going to get Alzheimer's when I grow up. I keep on rinsing my mug in the bathroom sink at night before I go to sleep and I would only realize it until I have nowhere to put it. Next thing you'll know I'd be storing frying pans inside the freezer.

I think I might be quite good with children, it's just that some kids are adorable in a sense that they don't really annoy you, but then there are other kids who just annoy the hell out of you. You know, the ones that totally crave for your attention and will just do anything. Urgh! It's so malas nak layan. Ok why am I totally being random?

Anyway, ANTM RECAP TIME!!! So look away if you don't really wanna be spoiled...

Apparently, the photoshoot this week involves the girls have paint splattered on their faces! Fierce! And also a little poisonous, right? I mean, ew! But still, it turned out to be great!

Whitney! I know this might sound crazy, but I am in love with her! She's really sassy and might actually go the furthest among the previous fatties! Seriously, her previous photos are amazing

Anya! Even though she looks like an albino Celine Dion, she's like the most magical creature I have ever seen! And she's actually Russian-born but was adopted at the age of 4. Mail order!

Lauren! I love her sooo much! But she does look a bit meth-faced in person.

Aimee! She's totally like Kahlen, because she looks semi-horrible in person and her photos look really different.

Stacy-Ann! Too much paint! Her hairstyle is kind of growing on me. Kind of.

Claire! She's like the David Archuleta of ANTM. Everybody's favourite because she's "edgy" and "photogenic" but I don't really think so. Maybe I don't really love her because she drinks her own breast milk.

Katarzyna! I don't really hate her, I don't really like her.

Fucking Dominique! Even though her photo is - I must admit - good, she still looks like a 50-year-old tranny! And she has the attitude too! She's kind of like Jade! She keeps on talking about herself in third-person. Once she said, "Dominique believes in Dominique! Dominique will be the next Tyra Banks!" Uh... yeah.... And I hated how she accused Whitney of being racist! But Whitney totally shouldn't have said that her best friend is black. If you say that, it kind of means that there is a possibility that you might be a racist. But I totally loved Whitney when she said, "Don't. Call. Me. Racist!" The delivery and sassiness is perfect!

And seriously, she looks 60. She now somehow reminds me of the son of Cruella DeVil and Leatherface, who faked his own death to undergo a sexual reassignment surgery and come back from Dominic to Dominique, and tries to compete with his/her brother for their mother's dalmation coat company while they try to help their father who is accused of killing many people with a chainsaw.

And Fatima. Fatima, Fatima, Fatima. You seriously do not have the right to scoff at every single comment made by everybody! Seriously, she sucks eggs! And freaking shave your armpits! Stupid Fatima! She's totally getting a Yaya vibe. Like, the African girl who thinks she's better and classier than everybody, but in actual is just stank.

And poor Marvita. Tyra said that the picture is like, "Vogue meets National Geographic". Ok, I kind of see it, but that's kind of racist right? Wouldn't it be cool if Tyra says "Don't. Call. Me. Racist!" But still, it looks like National Geographic meets Dragon Ball Z. You know, with the red cellophane thingy over the eye.